Day 108: 25 Things

25 Fitness/Food Things You May Not Know About Me (or care to know):

(This is inspired by US Weekly's celebrity column they do where the celebrity tells 25 things about themselves that others may not know...I like to pretend I'm a celebrity :) )

1.  My all-time favorite food in this world is Baskin Robbins mint chocolate chip ice cream.

2.  I have owned Nike, Brooks, Mizuno, Saucony, Asic, and Puma tennis shoes and I still really have no idea which brand I like the best.

3.  I wear my workout pants an average of 3-4 times before washing them...kinda gross, I know, but otherwise I'd be doing laundry every darn day.

4.  I like all fruits except for blackberries and raspberries because of the seeds that get stuck in my teeth.

5.  I like to read magazines while stepping, walking on the treadmill, or biking, but I can't read while I do the elliptical or while I run.

6.  I cannot do cardio without my ipod.  I just physically can't.

7.  My favorite food combination is peanut butter with chocolate...looooove sweet and salty mix!

8.  My favorite lift each week is usually back or shoulders.

9.  My least favorite lift each week is usually legs and I really don't like doing abs.

10.  My favorite fitness/health magazine is Oyxgen Magazine.  I read it cover to cover when it comes in the mail.

11.  My ideal cardio situation is when I can watch and listen to the Today show while reading either People Magazine or US Weekly.  This makes cardio much easier.

12.  I still can't decide what I should eat right after my show...but I'm leaning towards some or all of the following: peanut butter and jelly on a gluten-free roll, baked Lays, trail mix, gluten-free pizza, fruit salad...any other suggestions?

13.  I very rarely wear underwear when I work out.  I hate swamp ass in my underwear.

14.  When I need to push through a cardio/lifting workout, I turn my ipod to: Eminem, T.I., Miley Cyrus (hehe), or Rocky songs.

15.  While some people think it's gross, I would like to have a visible vein showing in my arm (bicep/shoulder region) by the end of my training :)

16.  I have not had a sip of alcohol or a dessert since April 25th.  Honestly, I'm a little scared to put both back into my life since it's been so long.

17.  After I complete the competition, regardless of the results, I would like to treat myself to a pair of designer jeans.  AndbytreatmyselfImeanGregcanbuythemforme.

18.  I eventually want to cut fake sugar out of my diet but I have a hard time with that.  Right now I have it in my Crystal Light drinks, my flavored water drinks, and my gum/mints.  It's hard to get rid of it!

19.  I would like to complete an olympic distance triathlon in the near future.

20.  The 2 things I'm the most worried about with my competition are the tanning and walking/tripping/falling in my heels.

21.  I pee at least 1 time an hour.  Sometimes I hold it so long that by the time I get to the toilet, I start peeing before my butt lands on the seat hahaha.

22.  I would love to write a fitness/nutrition column for a magazine on the side.  I would also love to become a dietitian or nutritionist but that's a lot more schooling!

23.  One of my other life dreams is to own a training studio/small gym with Greg.

24.  I think the most important thing I've learned about food through all of this is to weigh and/or measure everything you eat!  Digital food scales are my best friends!!

25.  Greg and I just bought...wait for it...22.5 DOZEN eggs at Costco and that will last us for 12 days.  I usually spend about $700/month (at the VERY least) on groceries...fresh produce and meat ain't cheap!

Now you know way too much about me :)

xoxo

Day 107: Bootylicious Cardio

After I sent my diet/workout creator my most recent pictures, including this one,:

I got a few funny/motivating emails from him.  I had asked him what he thought of my progress based on my most recent pictures and this was his reply, and I quote:

"Thx for the pics,  upper body looks like it will be no problem.  Legs and booty will need to come down hard to give you a balanced look.  You have time and the plan is in place.  Work hard and it will happen."

This left me with a few thoughts:

1)  I was SO glad to finally hear some kind of update on my progress- both positive and negative.  It was nice to hear that I was moving in the right direction and get a clearer picture of what needed work.  My upper body has always been stronger and leaner than my lower body, but it was nice for someone to get my ass (no pun intended) in gear.

2)  Is my ass really that big?!  And if so, why did nobody tell me?!  Thanks friends! ;)

3)  I think the tan lines and the cut of the suit make my ass look larger than usual, no?  I mean, daaaamn, it looks like I've got some junk in the trunk, and that pic makes my ass look even bigger than I thought!

I had to ask this same diet/workout creator a question about my workouts that he sent and after he answered my question, he ended with, and I quote:

"As long as that booty come down, all will be well."

Um.  I think I got the message loud and clear that my booty is...err...bootylicious?  I know that he just wants my body to look proportionate (meaning my legs and butt aren't significantly bigger than my upper body) and I got that message for sure!


I had to laugh at these comments because I love this man's honesty.  It is so refreshing.  I would rather him tell me things like that every day rather than just telling me I look alright.  And I have to say, those 2 comments have motivated me so much.  On Sunday, I didn't want to do a double, and I thought about his comments, and got my ass (again, no pun intended) into my workout pants and to the gym.  Today when I was doing my cardio I was able to push myself harder knowing that I was working to improve a specific part of my body.  Small goals really help me keep going in tough moments.


My cardio for the next few weeks definitely reflects my need to "bring my booty down."  The cardio programs are lots of stepping, running, incline walking, lunging...essentially anything that makes my hamstrings, quads, and glutes burn like they are EN FUEGO!  And I love it.  I've wanted to improve the look of my legs for a long time and I know that these cardio sessions will work over time.  I'm excited to make my butt more bootylicious for those judges in FIVE AND A HALF WEEKS!!!!


PS - I have officially lost 23.5 pounds!  Current weight is 120.5!  So close!
xoxo

Day 103: GTP: Gym, Tanning, Posing

Tomorrow marks SIX weeks until my first ever figure competition.  In some ways that seems so far, but in most other ways it seems so, so close!  I have spent this week lifting, doing cardio, eating, posing, practicing walking in stripper shoes, napping, peeing, and trying to control my thoughts that often run wild.

I'm down to 122.5 lbs now.  I have lost a total of 21.5 lbs so far.  My moods and thoughts have been all over the place.  My brain usually sounds something like this at any given time (no joke): "OMG I'm so tired, I don't know if I can get up this morning.  Maybe I can lift later in the day.  When's my next meal?  Do I need to go to the grocery store again today?  Shit, I gotta pee AGAIN.  Is this really worth it?  Am I going to make a complete fool of myself at this competition?  Did I take all my supplments today?  Mmmm what should I eat right after the competition?  I should practice my posing.  Shit, I gotta pee AGAIN.  Come on, 15 more minutes of carido, you can do it, then it's dinner time.  OMG I get 1 tablespoon of peanut butter today.  How am I going to work full time and still keep this up for the last 4 weeks?  Was this a bad idea?.....you get the idea.

Sometimes, I feel great, motivated, energetic, positive.  And within minutes, I can be on the verge of tears, doubting myself, criticizing everything, exhausted.  It's usually the little things that get to me and I spin into negative town...It can be hunger, knee pain, dizziness when I stand up because I'm hungry, can't sleep because of knee pain or constant peeing, can't get warm EVER...but usually once I get food and a nap, I'm back on track.  Just like a baby, except in stipper heels.

Speaking of heels.  I know you all have been eagerly awaiting a picture of my new sparkly, bedazzled 4 and 3/4 inch babies.  So without further adieu, here they are:

Just take a minute to admire the sparkles :)

Oh hello bedazzled pedicure IN the bedazzled heels!

I met with my posing coach this week and she let me try on one of her old 1-piece suits.  It fit, except for the chest (my babies are long gone...) but I can get inserts to puff them right back up :)  The posing session went well, I think.  We worked on my turns and my walk and we discussed tanning....  This seems to be the biggest issue right now because I have some of the WORST tan lines one has ever seen.  DON'T  judge when you see me in this suit....it's bad!  My coach told me to run, not walk, to the nearest tanning bed to even it out but I am TERRIFIED of the tanning bed.  I just don't feel right about doing something so dangerous when I've worked so hard to be healthy in this whole process.  So, I'm in the process of working on fixing the tan lines...will update with progress.

Here are a few pictures in the 1-piece suit and my bikini.  I'm also putting up 2 links to videos that my coach took of me posing and walking...here goes nothin'

And now the videos:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Qg76yCSfG0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r7NBH5tL_BE

So...I think I'm making progress (except for getting rid of the tan lines).  I just need to stay in it mentally, stay positive, and keep working hard!  If anyone wants the ordering info. for these awesome, bedazzled shoes, just let me know ;)

Thanks again for all your support!  SIX MORE WEEKS!!!!

xoxo

Day 99: Traveling

Sorry I've been a little MIA lately...I have been busy traveling. First, I went to Charlottesville to meet up with my family and my Mara...who rocked out my leg and cardio workout oh heyyyyy (Hi May Ray!). Then, I went to Richmond to visit my sister and her family. And I just got back from an Outer Banks girls trip! Phew! That's a lot of driving...and Tupperware...and random gyms.

All of this traveling has allowed me to do a lot of thinking and discussing and pondering all that has happened in the past 14 or so weeks. As you all know, I don't really like change, so having to go to various gyms in various cities is not really my favorite thing in the world. Once I get used to the gym, though, it's fine. It's just always an adjustment period and then I get back in my routine.

The topic of thought and discussion often revolved around...is this all worth it? Am I happy with my progress? How am I feeling about everything? Well, the quick answer would be yes, yes, and overwhelmed at times. It's really amazing how quickly my moods and outlook on the whole thing change. One minute I'll be on the verge of tears and not really sure that everything is worth all the sacrifices, and then the next minute I'm ready to go back to the gym and bang out another workout. Thankfully, all the people I visited helped me through my weak moments and praised and encouraged me other times.

I think the "is this all worth it" is the most prominent question I have in my mind. And while I think the answer is yes, I'm not really sure I'll know for absolute sure until the whole competition is over. I mean, I know parts of it are definitely worth it, and I know I'm in the best shape of my life, but some days, especially on vacation, just really made me question everything. While most people could pack their beach bag, throw on their suit and go, I was in the kitchen preparing numerous meals in numerous Tupperware containers that would be put in an insulated bag and lugged to the beach (thanks for the bag, Mama!). Then, I have to watch the clock continuously not only to know when to eat but also to plan everything out so that I can make it back to the gym for my 2nd cardio session and time it all right with my meals. I ate a bunch of meals out of Tupperware AT restaurants...luckily the staff didn't care or seem to mind. I ate a bunch of meals (you guessed it, out of Tupperware) both on the way to and from the beach. I cooked a bunch of food while we were there...guess where I stored it all?! :)

The bottom line that I came to was this: Yes, this has been worth it and will continue to be. I made a goal and I am going to reach it. Does it royally suck sometimes? Is it royally inconvenient a lot of the time? Is it mentally exhausting? YES YES YES. But I am doing it. I'm actually doing it. I'm happy with the way things are coming along. What I have also realized, however, is that I started my strict dieting way too early. Most competitors diet for 12 weeks and when I finish I will have dieted (VERY strictly with NO cheats) for 22 weeks (I'll do the math for you, that's almost 6 months). I don't think this can really be healthy and my body is showing signs of that. I'm mentally and physically exhausted. I don't sleep well at night and I hardly ever feel truly rested. I haven't gotten my period in 2 months. I keep getting bruises really easily (maybe need more iron?). I have to ice my knees at least once a day. I have to take 5 fiber pills in order to stay regular (meaning going every OTHER day) because I'm just not consuming that much food...my body is just starting to really feel the effects of everything I am putting it through. But like I said, I'm doing this. I'm reaching my goal, come hell or high water, and then I'll take some time to re-evaluate what I want to do. I hope that all made sense. I guess it is worth it in the end but some days it's just hard to keep motivated and not be sad about the things I'm missing out on. There are ups and downs, but overall it's a worthwhile haul...but I don't think I'll be taking anymore big trips between now and the competition (my Tupperware is getting tired, they told me so).

A few number updates:
6 - number of out-of-town gyms I've worked out in (Dewey, Ocean City, Richmond, Charlottesville, Columbus OH, and Nags Head)
6.5 - number of weeks left
20 - number of pounds lost
124.0 - current weight
10 - number of times I'm in the gym a week
12 - number of egg whites I eat a DAY
3 - number of eggs I dropped on the floor today :(
18 - ounces of MEAT I eat a day...yummmmmy!! Carnivore all the way, baby!
2 gallons - amount of water I *try* to drink each day
2 - current pant/skirt/dress size
1 - pair of clear, bedazzled 4 and 3/4 inch heels sitting next me (whole post on them coming soon!)

Thanks to everyone I visited for all of your support and help and patience and flexibility. I know my schedule, both eating and working out, is not easy but I appreciate you all more than you know.

xoxo

Day 87: Posing Part 2: I Know I Need More Muscle...Hurumph

While I was at the posing session (a week ago), a discussion came up about whether I would be better in a bikini competition or a figure competition at this point in my "career."  She (the posing coach) explained bikini to me as "the cover of Shape magazine" whereas a figure competitor would be "the cover of Oxygen or Muscle and Fitness."  She said I would probably be ready for a bikini competition in August and was not sure I'd be ready for a figure competition in September....... this began sounding allllll too familiar.  This is essentially what happened to me back in the early spring when I was basically told (my someone else) I needed more muscle before I began cutting weight.  In the spring, this led me to give up my figure competition training and I headed straight to the Cheesecake Factory.
  
So, I was encouraged that she thought I would be ready for bikini, but discouraged that I still didn't have enough freakin' muscle for figure!  At this point, it was kind of a catch because I can't really gain muscle while cutting weight...right now, I'm basically cutting weight to bring out the definition in the muscle that I already have.  So, I was left with 5 options:
1) Just go ahead with the September 25th figure competition as planned and see how it goes.
2) Just do the bikini competition in August.
3) Do both.
4) Bulk and gain muscle for a few months and then try for a competition in the spring of 2011
5) Run, not walk, to the Cheesecake Factory

The posing coach, who I really liked, told me to take some pictures, send them to Mike (the guy who does my workouts and diet), and see what his thoughts were.  Then, I would figure out a plan and get back in touch with the posing coach to go from there.  I sent this email on Wednesday and while I waited for a reply, I did some soul-searching, if you will, about what I wanted to do, regardless of what anyone else thought I should or shouldn't do.  I'm not going to lie, I did consider option #5 for a hot second.  Then I scratched that.  Then, I started doing some research on bikini competitions and what I found I was not very impressed with.  It just wasn't me.  For a lot of reasons.  But mainly because I am just set on doing figure--I like that physique and that has been my goal now for about 8 months.  So, that left me with option #1 or option #4.  I talked to Greg, my mom, and friends about the pros and cons of both and then I went to bed.  In the end, I had to decide what I wanted to do.  I'm quickly learning that there are so many people in this sport who give you advice and opinions and ideas, but in the end, you have to sort through it all and figure out what is right for you.

So.... I woke up the next morning and knew that option number ONE was my choice.  I hadn't heard back from Mike.  I hadn't talked to my posing coach again.  I just knew that I had worked my ass off for a long time, I had this September 25th goal in my mind, and I could always be waiting for my body to be more ready than it is now (or will be in 9 weeks).  I also know that this show is through a much smaller organization and, I think, a little less competitive than the big, major organizations, so it will be a perfect show to get "my feet wet" and learn all the ins and outs of this sport.  Everybody has to start somewhere, so why not in Henrico County, Virginia on Septemeber 25th?  I have to reach this goal.  I just have to do it and see how it goes.  I think I will forever regret it if I don't. (I did eventually hear back from Mike and he said that I have more of a figure body and if I did bikini the judges would probably say I had too much muscle.  I was glad I had made my decision before he said this, but the affimation was nice too).

While it is challenging to have not really had one person in the figure world say, "Wow, you have great potentional for figure" or "Your body will get there," I know that my body is getting better and better everyday and I know that all of YOU support me so diligently!  I cannot explain how much everyone's kind words have helped me push through and stay motivated.  You all are absolutely, amazingly wonderful to be so supportive every day and I honestly think I would have given up if it weren't for you all. 

I will continue to work to stay in the figure world.  I enjoy lifting.  I enjoy the sport.  And I will get more muscle, damnit! :)

Oh, and I have another posing session tomorrow!  I really like the posing coach, she is a HUGE help!!  Greg can't come so I don't know if I will get any more pics in my sweet, black heels, but I'll let you know how it goes!!

xoxoxo

Day 84: Posing Part 1: Holy Uncomfortable Poses, Batman!

Everyone I've talked to who has competed in a figure/bodybuilding shows has said that it doesn't matter how physically ready you are prior to the show if you have not practiced your poses multiple, multiple times.  I've even heard that some competitors with a better physique may place lower than someone with a worse physique because their posing was not as good.  It seems like this would be untrue, but after having my first, 1-on-1 posing session with a professional figure competitor, I can believe how crucial every, single movement and placement of your body is when it comes down to the judging.

At first, I was a little embarrassed to be standing in a yoga/pilates room (filled with mirrors), in my Target bikini and some cheap, black heels that were not even close to what I would have to wear.  But my posing coach, who I liked, really helped me relax and just started taking me through everything I needed to know.  It was all very overwhelming because there are different poses for different organizations, so what you practice really depends on the exact show that you're competing in.  It was a lot to take in, but it was a very beneficial introductory session.

What I found most surprising was a) like I said, how much information you have to remember about every move and pose, and b) how FREAKING uncomfortable holding those poses really is!  At the shows I've watched, the women look so relaxed and make their poses seem so easy.  Let me just tell you, my back was sore for FOUR days after posing!  By the end of the session my face was beat red and I was sweating...from posing!!  It was incredible to me how I had to think about how every part of my body was engaged in each pose, and then just when I kind of got the pose, I was being taught how to transition to the next pose.  The whole thing was a whirlwind experience but it really got me on the right track so that I can practice these poses for the next 9 weeks.

Here are some pictures that Greg took of me at the session and then some more pictures I took when I got home so I could send them to Mike (my diet/workout coach).  I obviously still need some work on my posing, but it's much better than before!

PLEASE check out my black heels circa 2000...just look, don't judge :)

Just for fun, let's see a comparison:

Oh boy!  Well, here's to more posing and more improvements!  I have a whole 'nother post about posing/what came from my posing session, so stay tuned!!!!

Thanks for all your love and support!!  xoxoxo

Day 81: Fitness Fashion!

The topics on this blog have been a little...heavy (no weight pun intended)...so today I'm lightening it up and showing you all some samples of my fitness fashion.  I do have another big post about how my posing session went yesterday, but I'm gonna keep it light and fun today!

Now, most mornings, I simply grab whatever tank top, pants/shorts, and bra that doesn't smell like a ball of sweat is clean.  Most all of my socks are white, except for the occasional gray pair, so those take little to no time at all.  As I've worked out more and more, though, I have realized that I do thoroughly enjoy a cute little workout outfit.  I'm not one to spend tons of money on workout clothes, but every time I go to Target I seem to find a reason to swing by the workout department and browse for a new, cute, fitness piece.

So for you, my dear and loyal blog readers who have been SO supportive and wonderful, I took some (hideous) pictures.  I even posed...with some props.  Please don't mind my face/head, I haven't showered yet from my morning workout (yesisitaroundinmyownsweatforawhilesomedaysdontjudge).  I'll group the pictures for you according to clothing piece (i.e. tank tops, shorts, etc.)  Hope you enjoy :)

I used to wear T-shirts to the gym all the time.  Now, I very rarely wear a T-shirt, especially if I'm lifting.  I get most of my tank tops from Target and they are usually Champion brand.  Some have a built-in-bra, which I used to hate (youknowwheniactuallyHADboobsbecauseitmadethetoptootight), but now I don't mind so much.  I've also gotten a couple (the green one) at Old Navy.  I really like the Champion ones with the ventilation on the side (1st pic), you know, so my HUGE boobs can breathe?  I also am alright with patterns...some mornings not so much, but other days I can appreciate a nice, little pattern, just to spice things up :)

Here is me posing in a few of my fave tank tops.

Here is a picture of some of my tanks.  It's not all of them, but they represent what I wear pretty much every day.

Now onto the bottoms.  This is where I have a little bit of an issue.  I do not like full length pants, they bother me and always shrink up any way so I'm constantly tugging them down.  So, I started buying capri workout pants, which are OK.  But I'm getting kind of sick of the capri pants that flare at the bottom, I don't know why.  But I still wear those some days.  My favorite pair is the Nike ones because they are capris but tight all the way down.  Holds everything in nice and tight (that's what she said).  I have, wait for it, started wearing shorts much more frequently.  I even went out and bought 2 pair of those tight booty shorts to wear for when I do legs and cardio.  The shorts are alright.  Still tug them down often, which is annoying, especially on a treadmill.  Anyways, here are some photos of different kinds of pants and shorts I wear (there may be some duplicates from above, sorry I do what I can).

So these are the classic capris with the slight flair that I wear a lot.  Only have them in black and 1 pair of gray.

I got these shorts at the Nike outlet.  Love them.  They have pockets, which I guess is nice, but I haven't really figured out what to put in those pockets while working out...thoughts?

These are my new tight shorts.  They're Saucony brand from a running store.  They're aiiiight.  They ride up a little, which is kinda annoying.

Here are my pants and shorts I wear to the gym:

The next 2 fashion pieces I have for you all is what goes on underneath (rawr) and what goes on on top...

Sports bras are pretty awesome.  I mean, they hold everything in place, you can get them in various colors, they last a long time...I really have lost a lot of my chest since losing weight, but these trusty sports bras seem to have adapted and still (mostly) fit.  They are getting a little old, but bras are pretty expensive, so I usually wear them until the elastic is non-existent.  Here are a few of my bras.  As you can see, I really like the Nike bras.  I've had 1 from Target, which was average, and 1 of these is Adidas, which is fine as well.  But I really like the Nike ones, they're cute, tight, and last.  And they don't judge you on the size of your boobs...too bad more men aren't like a good sports bra, huh?

Every morning, even when it's 85 degrees outside, I wear some kind of cover up to the gym because they feel the need to BLAST freezing cold air at 5am.  Every fan is turned on and the air is PUMPIN'!  So, until I get good and warmed up, I keep on some kind of cover up.  I mean, I'm not trying to show everyone in the gym how I could cut class through my trusty sports bra and my cute top...gotta cover those babies up until they're good and warm.  These are a few of my cover ups.  I also have a pink one that shrunk in the wash and a couple black ones.  I've been going for white recently though, not sure why.  Don't worry, I don't judge on color, right Greg? ;)  Annnnyways, I've gotten a few of these at Target, 1 at the Nike out, and various other places.  I love a good hoodie.  I wear them around the house all the time, too.  My recent favorite is the sheer one I got at Target (blurry picture).  It's a long sleeve hoodie but very thin, good for summer!

This is my trusty water bottle I use everyday, and sometimes I even wash it.

This is my new gym bag.  I'll do a post on its contents soon. 

One day, I'll show you all the pairs of sneakers I've had and some hair accesories.  Don't get too excited!!

Hope you enjoyed the clothes :)  If anyone wants to further my Target addiction, I will gladly accept gift cards or cash donations and I promise I will spend it on fitness goodies!  

xoxo

Day 77: Overtaken

This post may be a little all over the place just because I have a lot on my mind about the whole training/dieting/competition thing. 

I have realized that this whole goal of mine (doing, and being competitive, in a figure competition) has officially taken over my life.  One of my goals before starting this was to try to maintain my "normal" social life and continue on with life as I knew it.  FAIL.  I have realized that this goal is impossible because I basically have a new life(style) and with that comes many new things.

For those of you who know me well, you know that I hate and despise change and everything that it entails.  I am a routine person and could do the same thing every day at the same time in the same way.  I'm one of those people that is OK sitting on the couch all day.  I don't need to be completing chores or tasks.  I'm OK with just "being" as long as no one asks me to change.  I have quickly realized that I am undertaking one of the biggest changes I have gone through in my adult life.  I have changed physically, mentally, socially, emotionally, and I'm not sure how I feel about all this change.

Physically, I've lost 18.5 pounds and at least 1 to2 dress sizes (4 or 6 to a 0 or 2).  I've gone from a 34 full C cup to a 32 B cup (why do the good things always go first?!?).  I've had to buy a lot of new clothes and/or been spotted in a lot of elastic pants.  I'm OK with this though.  ME LOVES ELASTIC!

Mentally and emotionally, I'm a bit of a mess, honestly.  I'm having a really hard time deciding if all of the sacrifices are worth it.  Most of the sacrifices deal with not being able to eat/drink at fun events (why does it seem like eating and drinking [alcohol] make events significantly better?!  Is that problematic?!)  When I take a drive through Negative Town, these are the thoughts that run through my head: why am I giving up so much for 1 competition?  Are all of the sacrifices worth what I'm missing out on?  Am I missing out on things?  Am I even going to be competitive with these other women or am I going to make a total fool out of myself.....

Socially, I feel like I don't even really have a life anymore.  I am exhausted ALL the time.  When I do "go out," which usually means showing up somewhere for about an hour or so sipping on my water bottle, I feel like I'm there, but not really there.  I mean, I want to be there and I want to see people and I want to be social.  But often, while I am there, all I can think about it how tired/sore/hungry I am and how much I just want to go home and be a recluse.  Most people my age are out eating and drinking and staying out until 2am only to do it all over again the next night.  I, on the other hand, usually have a protein shake around 8pm and then call it a night.  I don't want to be seen as "lame" and I definitely don't want people to think I don't want to be hanging out with them.  But, this whole process and lifestyle change has completely and utterly taken over my life.  Also, I haven't really met a ton of people who are in this sport, so not many people I know are going through these same changes that I am.

I don't know how to reconcile my "old" life with this "new" life.  And I know that I don't really want all of this to just be a phase.  I love training and exercising and being fit.  Of course, it won't always have to be this rigid and strict, but is my old life gone forever?  Is this new lifestyle my real, new life?  If so, how do I fit them together?

As I've mentioned before, this is a very lonely sport.  I have a lot of time with me, my ipod, and my thoughts.  That gets very overwhelming and kinda depressing after awhile.  I know I have people who support me and are there to listen to me complain and are there to say the most wonderfully, nice things.  And I SO appreciate that.  I think it's just hard for me to really be undertaking this whole process by myself.  I have to get to the gym early in the morning and later in the evening.  I have to eat the way I'm supposed to.  I have to push myself each and every time I'm at the gym.  I have to *try* and stay positive in my head so that I can continue making progress.  I have to do a lot of this on my own.

Other than change, I hate being alone more than anything.  So, for the past couple weeks my whole life has changed (because of the new workout plan and stricter diet) and I've spent a TON of time by myself.  This makes for a nervous, emotional, doubting, moody (whole post coming about this soon) future figure competitor.

After a long talk with my mom (hi mama!) and Greg (xoxo), I came to the following conclusions and got my head on a little straighter:
* if when I go through with this competition, I have to stay positive and remember the reasons I'm doing this competition to begin with.
* change is OK.  Change is good, it just takes time and readjusting.
* now I see why the people on the Biggest Loser cry ALL the time (them bitches are hungry, moody, tired, scared...) and why they have to completely revamp their lives when they leave the ranch and go home.
* I have to realize I'm doing the best I can do each day and that's all I can do right now.
* I can't blame my moodiness on PMS for too much longer...
* I will find a balance between my "old" and "new" lives, and the people who support me will be there no matter what.
* I need to find more ladies in the figure/fitness/bodybuilding world who I can get to know and hang out with so I don't feel so alone in all of this.  Anybody?  Bueller?  We can go to dinner sit and eat out of our Tupperware containers and drink lots of cocktails water.  Doesn't that sound enticing?!  Any takers?!

I know I can do this.  I will do this.  Thanks for all the kind words, they mean more than you will ever know, especially during this huge lifestyle change!

xoxo
R

Day 71: Support!

I have officially reached the half way point.  11ish week down, 11ish weeks to go.  Sometimes it feels like, "WHAT?!  It's only been 11 weeks?!"  And other times it feels like, "CRAP, I need 50 more weeks to get ready!"  It just depends on the day. 

Overall, I feel pretty good about my progress.  I'm 127lbs.  I've lost 17lbs.  I can definitely see changes and I can feel that I'm still continuing to get stronger.  I've been on the new program I talked about for a week and it is INTENSE.  In the mornings I lift for about 45-60 minutes followed by about 40ish minutes of cardio.  Then, I come back in the evenings for a cardio/abs session.  I'm in the gym 11 times a week...yeah, think of the sweaty laundry!  Oh, and my exhausted body :)  The first week was definitely an adjustment period, but I think I can keep it up, especially because it's summer and I don't have a full day of work in between workouts.

What has truly become the most important, helpful, awesome motivator for me is the support of so many people.  I can't even explain how kind and wonderful so many people have been to me about this whole process--especially people who have seen me transform from the beginning.  But I'm going to try to explain.  I know that I'm doing this for me, but damn is it nice to hear the nice and supportive things that people have to say!

Random people from the gym who have seen me over the past couple months have made nice comments, friends have encouraged me and told me they think I look great and am making great progress.  My family asks me every day about my workouts and encourages me to keep going.  People comment on this blog and on Facebook with supportive words (Allison R. you win for blog supporter...thanks girl!!!!)  Numerous people have told me they definintely want to come and see Greg and I at our show, which is above and beyond anything I would've expected.  I say all of this not because I think I look awesome or because I think I'm entirely ready for this competition.  I say this because without all of YOU, I'm honestly not sure I would've made it this far. 

So, thank you, thank you, thank you for: inspiring, motivating, encouraging, and pushing me to reach this goal.  Thank you for: understanding that I have to travel with approximately 75 tupperware containers at all times, understanding that although I love all of you, and I'm trying to maintain a normal social life, I just can't keep up with my old social life (maybe 1 day...), asking me questions about my diet and exercise because you are genuinely interested in what I'm doing, telling me that I inspire you to make changes in your life.  Just, thank you.  Please know that on days I don't want to workout and I don't to step foot in the freakin' gym, I think of all the people who are supporting me and are expecting to see some damn good results at the end of this :)

This is a "sport" that can often be so isolating.  Just you, your ipod, weights, and cardio machines.  That can get very, very old.  So to have other competitors in my life who encourage me, and to have all of you who help me stay positive and focused, it's crucial.

I have to give a special shout out to 2 people who see/deal with me every day of their bloody lives.  Greg and Shea.  You guys are troopers.  You both have been there, at 5 in the morning, for months and months to help me not only physically as spotters, but more importantly as my mental/emotional rocks.  I know 5am doesn't always bring out the best in me (no comments, boys), and I know sometimes my complaints must get old (I'm getting much better!). 

Greg has prepared and portioned out all of my food for me this entire time.  That has taken one of the biggest loads off my back.  He has been in the gym with me 3 times a week and at home with me every day.  He's encouraged me when I cried (especially after my 1st ever group posing session where I felt like the biggest, yet least muscular, tool to ever roam this earth), he's been stern with me when I'm being a big puss, and he's been understanding of my complete exhaustion.  To go through this with Greg has been so helpful.  Of course it's not always easy, but it's so crucial for me to have this support day in and day out.

Shea, while he gets a break from me during the days, has been with me every morning (except when he doesn't hear his 5 alarms in the morning ;) ).  Shea and I are essentially going through the same process...while he won't be decked out in stripper heals and a bikini, he is trying to make a lifestyle change, and that is frickin' hard!  We have many of the same frustrations, worries, annoyances, and excitement when we see growth and change in our bodies.  Thank you, Shea, for all of your support, for getting on the "lame" elliptical next to me just to keep me company, for not killing me when I doodle in your workout book, for being there to listen to the peaks and the valleys of this whole thing.  Don't worry, soon your body will officially be a triangle and your shoulders and arms will be so huge  you won't fit through any doors, Brock Lesnar style ;)

Thank you, everyone!  I honestly could not do this without all of you.  I do have a lot of internal motivation, but the external is so, so helpful.  Keep it coming!  WE're only half way ;)

xoxo
R

Day 62: Final Stretch!

Wow!  So much has happened in the past week and a half...I won't bore you will all of the exact specifics but here some highlights/thoughts/worries etc:

*I participated in my first ever figure boot camp put on by Mike Davies at Fitness First.  It was essentially a weekend of intense workouts and information sessions to help competitors learn everything they need to know.  It was probably one of the best experiences I've had while training.  Mike, himself, was just what I need...a good kick in the ass!  My favorite quote of his was: "If you ask me if your jeans make your ass look big, I'm going to say, 'No.  Your fat ass makes your ass look big in your jeans.'"  Honesty, baby!  LOVE it!
*I had the opportunity to meet some amazingly wonderful, supportive, and in-shape ladies!  A lot of them were local, so it was really nice to make some connections and know that there are other people out there who are going through the same process I am.
*I felt good during the workouts.  They were definitely challenging, but I felt prepared for them.  We did lots of different exercises, both lifting and cardio, and I learned a lot!
*The posing part of the weekend...well, that was another story.  Let's just say, I was 1 of about 25 women, standing around in a bikini (not a posing suit because I don't have one yet) and some heels, in a freezing cold room.  I was, by far, the least musclar person in the room and was obviously a novice.  In fact, Mike called me "Fresh Fish."  It was a great information session, but it was embarassing, I think mostly because I was so new to the whole thing and the other women were so much more experienced.  I just felt really unprepared for that portion but as I learned more and practiced I started feeling a little better.  I know I can't be too hard on myself...I've been doing this for a few months while a lot of people have been doing this for years...

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*After 3 days of camp, which was exhausting but SO wonderful, I headed to Ocean City for a few days.  To say I was tired would be an understatement.  The first day there I took 2 separate naps...my body was dead!  I found a local gym down there and lifted 1 of the mornings and did cardio 1 of the mornings.  It was hard to be out of my element and routine, but it was a nice break too.  I realized that watching people eat and drink around me is getting harder and harder.  Let me just tell you a few of the delicious/disgusting items that could be found on the OC boardwalk, mmmmk?  K.  Boardwalk fries, caramel and candy apples, fried oreos, fried cheesecake bites, any and all kinds of ice cream (*DROOL*), all kinds of flavored popcorn...I could on, but let me just stop...

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*This past week was my "maintenance week."  Essentially, I was just attempting to maintain my weight and give my body a little break because....today marks TWELVE little weeks until the competition!  I know that sounds like a long time (yeah, it's the whole summer), but, trust me, I need 12 more weeks to get ready!!  I am technically in the last phase of this whole training program.  It will be tough for the first 8 weeks and then crucial  for the last 4.  I'm ready.  Bring it.

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*I learned a few things in the past week or so:
-Getting to know other people in my same boat is so important and I'm so grateful I met such awesome people.
-I am doing this competition regardless.  I know I may not be the best, more perfected competitor, but I'm going to give it my best shot.
-I want to be competitive in this competition.  Yes, I want to do it and say I've completed it.  But, I'm past that point now...I want to give those other girls a run for their money.
-I need more muscle.  Will have to do the best I can with what I've got for now!
-I need help with posing...holy moly!
-I need confidence up there!  A huge part of this whole thing is having confidence in your training, in your body, in everything you've done to prepare.
-I need a new bladder.  Seriously.  I don't think I could pee more if I tried.  Example: I stopped to pee 3 times during a 3 hour ride to Ocean City...thanks for understanding, Tanno!!

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*Lastly, a few numbers for you:)
-12: weeks left
-84: days left
-129.5: current weight
-14.5: weight lost (so close to 15!)
-10-15ish: weight that still needs to be lost
-16oz.: amount of chicken I brought on a 3.5 day beach trip
-600g: amount of sweet potatos I brought to the beach
-520g: amount of protein powder I brought to the beach
-8: the number of tupperware containers I brought to the beach
-42: the number of eggs I eat in a week (that's 3.5 dozen per week...)
-3: the number of times I've eaten out...you know, at a restaurant, this week!!!!! Wheeeeee!
-20ish: trips to the bathroom each day...can't be a figure competitor and be weary of public restrooms...I have now peed in alllll kinds of places (including the freezing, cold ocean...don't judge, it was a long walk to the boardwalk)!!  (this also becomes kinda pricey at home as far as toilet paper goes...)

**Here are my most recent pics.  Please notice the huge tray of freshly baked chicken on the stove...haha, typical!

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Thanks again for EVERYONE who has been so wonderfully supportive.  You have no idea how your kind words have helped me continue on this crazy journey :)  THANKS!  THANKS!  THANKS!

XOXO