Day 103: GTP: Gym, Tanning, Posing

Tomorrow marks SIX weeks until my first ever figure competition.  In some ways that seems so far, but in most other ways it seems so, so close!  I have spent this week lifting, doing cardio, eating, posing, practicing walking in stripper shoes, napping, peeing, and trying to control my thoughts that often run wild.

I'm down to 122.5 lbs now.  I have lost a total of 21.5 lbs so far.  My moods and thoughts have been all over the place.  My brain usually sounds something like this at any given time (no joke): "OMG I'm so tired, I don't know if I can get up this morning.  Maybe I can lift later in the day.  When's my next meal?  Do I need to go to the grocery store again today?  Shit, I gotta pee AGAIN.  Is this really worth it?  Am I going to make a complete fool of myself at this competition?  Did I take all my supplments today?  Mmmm what should I eat right after the competition?  I should practice my posing.  Shit, I gotta pee AGAIN.  Come on, 15 more minutes of carido, you can do it, then it's dinner time.  OMG I get 1 tablespoon of peanut butter today.  How am I going to work full time and still keep this up for the last 4 weeks?  Was this a bad idea?.....you get the idea.

Sometimes, I feel great, motivated, energetic, positive.  And within minutes, I can be on the verge of tears, doubting myself, criticizing everything, exhausted.  It's usually the little things that get to me and I spin into negative town...It can be hunger, knee pain, dizziness when I stand up because I'm hungry, can't sleep because of knee pain or constant peeing, can't get warm EVER...but usually once I get food and a nap, I'm back on track.  Just like a baby, except in stipper heels.

Speaking of heels.  I know you all have been eagerly awaiting a picture of my new sparkly, bedazzled 4 and 3/4 inch babies.  So without further adieu, here they are:

Just take a minute to admire the sparkles :)

Oh hello bedazzled pedicure IN the bedazzled heels!

I met with my posing coach this week and she let me try on one of her old 1-piece suits.  It fit, except for the chest (my babies are long gone...) but I can get inserts to puff them right back up :)  The posing session went well, I think.  We worked on my turns and my walk and we discussed tanning....  This seems to be the biggest issue right now because I have some of the WORST tan lines one has ever seen.  DON'T  judge when you see me in this suit....it's bad!  My coach told me to run, not walk, to the nearest tanning bed to even it out but I am TERRIFIED of the tanning bed.  I just don't feel right about doing something so dangerous when I've worked so hard to be healthy in this whole process.  So, I'm in the process of working on fixing the tan lines...will update with progress.

Here are a few pictures in the 1-piece suit and my bikini.  I'm also putting up 2 links to videos that my coach took of me posing and walking...here goes nothin'

And now the videos:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Qg76yCSfG0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r7NBH5tL_BE

So...I think I'm making progress (except for getting rid of the tan lines).  I just need to stay in it mentally, stay positive, and keep working hard!  If anyone wants the ordering info. for these awesome, bedazzled shoes, just let me know ;)

Thanks again for all your support!  SIX MORE WEEKS!!!!

xoxo