Days 20-25: Trust the Process

Sorry for slacking on the posts recently...this week was really busy and exhausting and I had to choose sleep over blogging.  Are you guys still out there?  Anyone still reading this?

So, Thursday marked 3 weeks COMPLETE!  I was not able to post pics because I ran out of time but I promise I will post them next week.  This week has been: tiring, exhausting, draining, sometimes frustrating and sometimes really encouraging.  I was in the gym 8 separate times this week.  On Tuesday and Thursday I lifted in the mornings and came back and did cardio in the evenings hence why I am so utterly exhausted right now.  The frustrating part of this week was two-fold.  First, I just feel like I never have enough time to get everything done that I need to while also getting adequate sleep.  In order to make it through a long day of working out, work, and tutoring, I HAVE to be in bed between 8:30 and 9:00 each  night.  That doesn't leave a lot of time in the evenings to just relax, catch up on trashy TV, or blog!  It leaves me just enough time to make dinner, make food for the next day, and take a deep breath.

The other frustrating part of this week was weight loss...or lack thereof.  Overall I have lost 4.5 pounds in just over 3 weeks.  Now, don't get  your panties/briefs in a bunch, I know that's still a good weight loss and I know that I am definitely gaining muscle.  But it is still frustrating to work so hard in the gym, twice a day, eat perfectly, and weigh the exact same weight I weighed the day before.  Tuesday morning I was fed up with the lack of weight loss and I went to the gym as a Negative Nancy.  I was so distracted by my lack of weight loss and by my minor major complaints about the matter that I almost ruined my whole workout.  Greg, while not...loving the complaints, looked at me in the gym and told me that I was ruining my workout and that I "needed to trust the process."  For some reason that made me snap out of my Debbie Downerism funk because it kind of made sense.  I mean, obviously I am not going to see tons of results on the scale within a mere 3 weeks.  What I need to focus on is the fact that I have 11 weeks to go which gives me plenty of time to get to where I need to be. 

Trust is something I need to have more of with this whole process.  More trust that Greg will push me to work hard but not so hard that I will quit.  More trust in my own abilities in the gym.  And more trust that my eating well and diligently working out will pay off in 11 weeks.  I tend to become fearful instead of trustful in certain situations and this week that is how I felt.  I was scared every time I stepped on the scale.  I was scared when Greg increased my squat weight.  I was scared that I wasn't pushing myself enough during cardio.

I'm over being scared.

I'm ready to trust this process and see what happens in the end.  Whatever that may be.  I need to trust this process just the way that I would anything else...a job, a marriage, a major change in life.  Sometimes I just need to trust in myself that I am doing everything in my power to reach my goal instead of being fearful that I won't reach my goal. 

I'm also ready to look more at the positives of this process than the negatives.  Yes, I have only lost 4.5 pounds.  BUT I also fit into size 2 jeans this week, which I have not done in quite a while.  My clothes fit better than before.  I feel strong and healthy when I'm in the gym.  I can tell that my muscles are becoming more defined.  I am actually enjoying going to the gym and feeling the healthiest I have in a long time.  I am starting to trust in this process, finally, and am realizing that there is a lot more to all of this than the number on the scale...it goes way deeper than that.  Maybe this whole competition will teach me more about myself than I thought.

I am also PMSing which, like all of you ladies out there know, makes me feel like an out of body-bitchy-devilish-emotional-cranky shell of myself for like 3 or 4 days.  So let's hope this is day 4 :)  I think that this lovely "time of the month" is also contributing to the fact that I want to eat EVERYTHING IN SIGHT.  Really, I don't discriminate.  I will eat anything.  Even if it is on your plate.  I will still eat it.  Hell, at this point you could chew some M&Ms and spit them back out and I'd probably still eat them.

One last funny story from this week before I take my third nap of the day...On Tuesday (this was not my best day in case you couldn't tell), I was in a big rush in the morning.  I made my eggs and oatmeal and I had them sitting on the counter.  I quickly grabbed my multi-vitamin and my fish oil vitamin and I tossed them in my bowl to save time.  I gathered all my stuff for the day and carried everything out to my car.  I started driving and was about to eat my breakfast (don't worry, mom, I'm being careful while driving and eating).  I went to take my multi-vitamin.  No problem.  I went to take my fish oil and quickly realized that putting a fish oil GEL capsule on top of hot eggs was not my smartest move...I picked it up and liquid fish oozed onto my fingers.  I quickly put it in my mouth and drank lots of water.  Note to everyone: WATER DOES NOT GET RID OF A WARM, FISHY TASTE!  I held down a vomit burp and continued driving.  Once I regained control of my gag reflex I started to eat my breakfast.  Little did I realize (because apparently this whole exercise thing is shrinking my brain while expanding my muscles) Mr. fish oil capsule had leaked onto my eggs.  There, on top of my eggs, sat a nice, little puddle of LIQUID FISH...at 7:30 in the morning!  For some unknown reason (again, brain not working), I went ahead and ate it any way...I was hungry!  As soon as I put that bite of fishy eggs in my mouth and swallowed, I honestly thought I was going to throw up all over my car while driving.  I started semi-dry heaving, drank lots of water and tried to focus on the road.  After some fish burps throughout the morning, I felt a little better...and let's just say all of that fishy crap is right where crap needs to be...down the toilet and out of my system!  Each morning I look at the bottle of fish oil vitamins and shutter.  Maybe one day I'll try again, but for now, I'll skip the Omega-3.

Until next time...I will write more often, promise!!
xoxo