Day 8: Week one COMPLETE!

Well, week one is officially OVER...hallelujah!  I have so many thoughts about this week and the next 12 weeks to come.  I blogged about my love-hate relationship with cardio and now I'm starting to feel like I have a love-hate relationship with this whole training program/diet/torture/competition.

I love to have something to works towards and I love the feeling when I'm finished with a good workout.  I love that I am in control of making my body what I want it to be...kind of.  I love that I'm learning to suck it up and push myself through things that I never thought I could, whether it's in the gym, dealing with food, or mental exhaustion.

I hate that this competition and whole workout/diet program doesn't lend itself to quick results.  I'm the type of person that needs to see some little glimmer of improvement, some little sign that the effort I'm putting in is worth it.  I hate that, as hard as I may try, this whole program is taking over a pretty major portion of my life...a big portion.  Let me put it into food terms (I'm hungry, I can't help it).  OK...envision a plate.  The plate is my life (work, family, friends, workout program).  Now picture a nice, juicy cheeseburger.  The cheeseburger is work; it takes over about half of my overall life...a significant portion.  Now think of those french fries that you get that spill over the edge of your plate.  Those fries are this competition.  Between the mental, physical, and dietary aspects of this competition I could easily say that this is all taking over more than half of my life and spilling into other things...like my milkshake.  You know how you always get a thick, creamy milkshake (mint chocolate chip) with high hopes of drinking it all?!  Somehow it never seems to get finished or get the attention it needs.  This milkshake is my social life--family and friends.  I want to go out to dinner and restaurants.  I want to stay up and hang out with my roommates.  I want to plan all kinds of evenings out with friends...but it just never seems to get done because my plate is overflowing and I'm full (the irony of this story is that right now I'm straight starvin' like Marvin, girrrrl...but you get the picture, right?).

All in all, the first week was...something :)  I know I'm not going to give up, but I also know that I have to somehow learn to control my frustration and doubts that I have about the next 12 weeks.  Those doubts hit me hard this morning when I gained another half a pound leaving me losing 1 lousy pound this week.  I know, I know I'm gaining muscle, I've heard it all before.  Between the lack of weight loss and the pictures I took this morning (GOO!) I'm not gonna lie, when I got to the gym this morning I was having some serious doubts about whether or not I was going to make it to the place (figure-wise) where I need to be in 12 weeks.  I had doubts about whether the foods I was eating were right/enough/too much.  I just realized that I was in way over my head and I better start treading water...FAST before my ass is at the bottom of the pool with a big ass dumbbell holding me down.

I know this post is kind of all over the place but the bottom line is that I'm glad I'm doing this but I'm also scared and wish I could fast forward just so I can make sure that progress will be made and the results I need will happen.  One of my dear friends did help me put it all into perspective today by reminding me that this is my first ever competition and I may not get to the level that some of the other competitors are at...at least not for this competition.  I will persevere.  I will finish what I started.  I will, hopefully, lose my remaining muffin top.

Without further adieu, here are my week 1 pictures.  REMINDER:  these were taken at 5:30am...I was VERY tired.  My hair was not brushed.  I am pale and ashy.  Let's be real, I look straight busted.  Ignore the face, focus on the muffin top and the blubber that won't be there for long.  But for you, dear followers, I will show you anyways...don't judge too much :)