Day 13: Temptation

There have been times during this week and a half where I have felt no food temptations and no temptations to skip my gym workout...There have also been times when I almost dove, face first, into a plate of fries or tried to actually swim in a bowl of warm, cheese dip (in my mind of course).  What I am starting to realize while preparing for this competition is that everyone has temptation at some point in their life and it's how you deal with it or resist it that is important.  What I am also realizing is that I kind of love forcing myself to resist something.  I know that sounds kind of silly, but it's empowering to have that much control over your body.  I know that we all, obviously, have control over what we eat and how we work out, but when I know that I can only eat certain amounts of certain things at certain times, it makes me more aware of the utter control and power I have over my body.  I am starting to kind of love having that inner conversation with myself that goes something this:
Inner self 1: "Just eat 1 fry, I mean how many carbs can that be anyway?"
Innter self 2: "Get a grip and have some control over yourself."
Inner self 1: "I'm going to the gym in the morning, I'd work off 1 small bowl of creamy, mint chocolate chip ice cream (preferably from Baskin Robbins)."
Inner self 2: "Rachel, you are going to be on stage, in an awkward excuse for a bikini, with clear high heels and a freakish tan in front of many people in 12 short weeks.  GET CONTROL...you can do this!"

You get the point....But what I am noticing is that I like making it through a day knowing that I worked out the hardest I could and ate exactly what I was supposed to and am, therefore, doing the best that I can to prepare for this competition.  I like that I'm not giving into my temptations (...yet) and I like the new, found control I have over my body.  I mean, I swear just a few weeks ago it was like someone would literally pull me out of my reclining chair, drag me to the fridge, and shove a heaping bowl of gluten-free pasta down my throat followed closely by some sweet treat from the pantry...how does that happen?  It must be the same people who steal 1 of my socks every time I do laundry...

I have also noticed that I've, at least this week, been feeling more tempted to not work as hard at the gym than I am to eat poorly (and by poorly I mean an extra scoop of brown rice, God forbid...).  I feel this way at the gym especially when I'm doing cardio and Greg is not there to push me.  I have to, honestly, have another inner dialogue with myself to push myself harder and tell myself to quit bitchin' and get on with it.  When Greg is with me there is little room to bitch or complain.  I present you with an actual dialogue that occurred this morning.  And I quote (or paraphrase because it was 13 hours ago that we had this convo):
Me: "Groan" (while doing triceps)
Greg:  "Come on, 4 more!"
Me: Evil death glare at the fact that I have to do 4 more.
Greg:  "Come on, 3..."
Me:  "OW!  It hurts, I can't do it" (but he was standing directly above me so there wasn't much room to drop the weights and run)
Greg: "STOP WHINING AND COMPLAINING AND JUST DO IT"
Me:  Internal cry out in pain and a slight eye roll.
Greg: "Good job pushing yourself"
Me: Slight, heavy eye roll, sigh, moved on to next exercise.

I was tempted to quit, to give up...but thankfully Nazi Trainer Greg was there to help me push through my tempation.  And it felt so good when I was done (although I kept burping up my banana and almost vommed on the elliptical, but that's not important...).  Honestly, I truly felt like I had worked my hardest and I had not given into my temtpation.

Of course it's only been a week and a half and of course I will have many, many more dozens of temptations whether food or workout related.  But as of right now, resisting these temptations is what is driving me and pushing me.  To sit at lunch with my friends and watch them eat amazing food, or to play drinking games on a Saturday sipping on water while everyone is having delicious mixed drinks is definitely challenging and makes me reconsider my decision to do this whole thing.  But on the other hand it makes me feel strong that I can do this and resist normal life temptations.  We'll see how that continues to go :)

Gotta get up at 5 for abs and cardio so it's time for a salad, packing food for tomorrow, and BED (my new Heaven)!

Until next time!
xoxo