Sunday, August 29, 2010

Day 119: Love/Hate in the Homestretch

3 weeks and 6 days to go...can you believe it?!  Some days that seems so far, and some days I can't believe it's so close.

I've been busy the last week or so trying to get my life in order before the school year starts.  My parents, who are officially the best people on the planet (heyyyy mama!), came up to DC for a few days and helped me get my life together.  My mom and I set up my classroom, went through all my old clothes (got rid of 7 bags of clothes!!!), shopped for some new replacement clothes :), got my oil changed, etc., etc...just the little things in life that add up!  And yes, I'm almost 27 (in 8 days!) and I still very much need my parents :).  Greg and I also went to a beautiful wedding this weekend for his best friend.  It was a nice, final summer week.

All of these activities got me thinking (more) about this whole competition prep and how I truly have a love/hate relationship with the whole situation. 

I love the way my body looks, I love that my cardio endurance is the best its ever been, I love that people notice how hard I've worked, I love that I feel strong and confident, I love that I set a goal and am reaching it, I love that I have more discipline and dedication than even I realized.

I hate that I haven't felt full in about 5 months, I hate that I feel lame at social events because all I want to do is sit down and rest my legs, I hate that I haven't gotten my period in 3 months and my body just knows that something is off, I hate that the diet and fatigue alter my moods so easily, I hate that sometimes I just don't feel like myself but more like a robot on auto-pilot.

I guess in a dream world, I would be able to prepare for this competition and keep up my "normal," exciting social life where my every thought wasn't about when I eat next, or how hungry I am, or how my head hurts because I'm hungry, or doubting that I'll be ready, or feeling as though I can't really be in the moment of what's happening because I'm just so overwhelemed by this whole process.

Here is a little sample of what our hotel room looked like during our 48-hour stay for the wedding this weekend:
3 of our 4 coolers/lunch bags needed to carry our food
Our hotel mini-fridge packed with a FRACTION of our food
Our food scale, supplements, etc.

Some of the Tupperware I washed in our bathroom sink after our first day away from home.
The lids...and the $1 soap I got at the Dollar General :)

Let me just add that it took Greg 3 hours to prepare his meals and me about an hour for a TWO day trip...just a glimpse :)

To say that Greg and I have made sacrifices during this whole process is the understatement of 2010. 
But to say that this will be one of my greatest accomplishments thus far in my life will also be a huge understatement.  Some days I hate that it takes so many sacrifices, but other days I am just so freaking proud of everything we've accomplished that I have to realize that those sacrifices (at least at this point in life) are so worth it.  Some days I hate it--hate it all.  Some days I love it.  And some days I hate that I love it because it would be so much easier to just quit and go get some mint chocolate chip ice cream :)

I got my first spray tan today...will update about that tomorrow!

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