Day 53: Roller Coaster of a Week

First, here are some lifting pics from a few weeks ago (no idea how to format so they're kinda all over the place).  I'm slow about uploading pictures, sorry.  I will try to be better about pics :)

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The past week has been such a weird, emotional roller coaster.  My monthly friend is coming to visit next week so I'm sure that plays a role in all of the emotions, but here are my thoughts/questions over the past week.

So, last Thursday I hurt my back and I was thoroughly bummed out for numerous reasons:
1) My lifts had been going so well lately and I felt strong and this seemed like an annoying road block.
2) No lifting = less food = unhappy, cranky Rachel.
3) I missed Saturday's workout, which is legs, and is my most important and most necessary lift of the week.

On Friday, as I lay around catching up on The Real Housewives, The Hills, Rambo, etc. I became a little depressed about the whole situation and then I started questionting everything.  I started asking myself: why am I putting my body through this torture?  I'm probably not even going to place in this competition, so why am I risking more injury for this whole thing?  Is all of this worth it--the pain, the sacrifice, the injury?

After I quit sulking, took some muscle relaxers (that basically made me drunk for about 15 hours), and iced my back, I started thinking about why it was that I did want to do this competition to begin with.  It wasn't about winning the competition, or even placing.  It wasn't about being the best.  It was about getting into the best shape of my life and achieving this goal that I set out to achieve.  My body will be fine and, at this moment, it really does all feel worth it.  I feel good, strong, healthy, and am already in the best shape I've been in in the past 10ish years.

I lifted Monday morning, but very cautiously.  My back and neck hurt when I look down or to the side quickly.  It just feels very tight.  I was annoyed that I had to be so cautious and that I wasn't able to lift as much as usual.  But as the week progressed, a few positives came out of the whole situation: 1) I realized that getting up and exercising actually loosens up my back muscles and makes them feel better (the prescription anti-inflammatory and muscle relaxers help :) ) and 2) I have started paying much more attention to my form when I lift.  I hadn't realized how much I use my back when I'm not supposed to be, and how much I jerk my neck when I'm not supposed to be.  I had to lower the weights some, but I was doing the exercises more strictly and with better form.

Thennnn, I was randomnly talking to this trainer at my gym and asked him if he knew any local figure competitors/trainers who could help me with posing/preparing for the show.  He told me that there was actually a 3-day figure/fitness/bodybuilding "boot camp" that was happening in the Arlington branch of my gym.  GIGGITY!  I spoke with one of the ladies who would be helping with the camp, who is also a figure competitor, and she said this camp would be perfect for me since it's my first competition.  The camp gives information on strength and cardio training, nutrition tips, posing and routines...everything! 

I, then, had this internal, emotional struggle with the whole competition thing.  It was the same struggle I had when I was prepping for my 1st triathlon.  Do I train half-ass and just finish or do I go the extra mile, which usually means more money, more energy, and more sacrifices to reach the goal, and actually be competitive and do it all to my full potential?

I regretted just finishing the triathlon.  I didn't really train, I didn't invest in a good bike or a nice wet suit...I just did it attempted to finish.  I did finish but was not really competitive.

Talking with this trainer and hearing about this camp made me realize that I don't want to half-ass this whole process.  Not that I am half-assing it now, but it made me realize that I am already making so many sacrifices (financially, socially, etc) that I really should go the extra mile and really attempt to try to be competitive at this competition.  Talking about this camp gave me the boost that I've been needing the past few weeks.  I need something to get be re-excited for the last phase of this training program.  I need something to help me know I'm on the right track and can finish this out.  I am so excited to learn new information and meet some fellow competitors in an often isolating/independent sport.

So that about caps off the ups and downs of the week...I think some questioning is normal, especially when prepping for a first competition, but I have to remember that so much of this is mental.  I have to stay positive and I have to remember that I'm doing this for me and only me, and regardless of the outcome I have done whatever I could to reach my goal.

Greg always tells me to "trust the process" and that's what I'm doing...wherever the process may take me :)

Woah, that was kinda long...lots on my mind.  It's so late for me! (10:00pm!).  Gotta get up early for abs and cardio!

xoxo