Day 30: Numbers Part Deux: Weight

Weight is always a touchy subject.  I understand why, but it still bothers me that it's so hard to talk about weight.  I guess some people like to keep such things personal, some people are embarrassed, and maybe some people just don't really care about the number on the scale.  Well, with my fitness goal a la moment, it's pretty impossible for me not to care about the number on the scale...each...and....every...morning.

I weigh 137.0 lbs and I'm tired of not talking about it.

Some people may think I look heavier, some may think I look lighter, some may not really give a damn.  But it bothers me how important the scale is to me.  I know I'm strong.  I know I'm eating healthier than 99% of the people I know.  I know I'm trying my best at this whole thing.  But I can't stop thinking about losing numbers.  And it's annoying.  And it's even more annoying that nobody really talks about weight.  It's always just, "Oh sh*t, I gained 5 pounds."  Or, "Yes!  I lost 7 pounds."  But the actual weight number is really never mentioned.  And what's even more annoying is that so many people don't even try to lose weight and they weigh less than I do.  This bothers me because I know, that for the rest of my life, I will always have to watch the scale and think about my weight.  I will always have to try hard to be fit and I will always be talking about the number on the scale.

I weigh 137.0 lbs, damnit.

I have 17 more pounds to lose in the next 5 months in order to be competitive at this competition, and I think I can get there, but worrying about my weight in my head all the time is going to get verrrrry old. 

I know a lot of you are thinking, "Oh, it's muscle and muscle weighs more than fat."  {insert incorrect buzzer noise}  If you are working out and cutting your calories, it's near impossible to gain weight.  Women, on average, who workout and diet hard, can only gain an average of 1-2 pounds of muscle per month.  So chances are the extra lbs aint muscle ifyouknowwhati'msayin.....

I weigh 137.0 lbs and I wonder how much of it is muscle.

I'm tired of thinking about weight but I know I have to.  I'm tired of not talking about weight, but who really discusses actual weight numbers as an every day conversation?  Some days I want to just shout my weight so I don't have to keep it bottled up.  Some days I'm ashamed of it.  Some days I just want to vent about the fact that my life has become consumed with numbers and one of those numbers I see on a scale every morning.  I have taken some measurements and I'll post those on a "Numbers Part 3/final" post soon.

I know it's not all about the scale.  I know I'm doing this the right way.  But sometimes I just get tired of silently worrying about my weight (well, silent except for complaining to a select few ;) ) and wondering if I can actually get to my goal weight.

I weight 137.0 lbs and I want to be able to talk about all aspects of weight and weight loss and all the numbers involved in this process.

In case you missed it, I weight 137.0 lbs right now.  We'll see what the morning brings!  Speaking of numbers, it's 8:45, 15 minutes passed my bedtime (that means I'll get about 7:45 minutes of sleep, get up at 4:45 and eat 3.0 ounces of banana before I lift....tooooo many nuummmmbeeerrrsssssssss!!!)

Speak your weight proudly!  We're all in this together, whether you're trying to lose weight or not.  We all think about it and, at some point, we all need to talk about it.

4 weeks and 2 days DONE!  19 weeks and 5 days to go :)

xoxo

Day 21: Numbers

Sometimes it feels like my life is constantly being measured in numbers.  Here are some numbers in my head at the moment:

-3 weeks finished (21 days)
-21 days of being extremely tired
-21 weeks left (147 days...oy!)
-6 pounds lost
-$210 spent on groceries this month
-$160 spent at bodybuilding.com for protein powder this month
-5:00am wake up time
-8:30pm bedtime
-4-5 hours per week lifting
-2 hours per week doing abs and cardio (3 starting this week)
-400 = target calorie burn during cardio
-100(ish)g of carbs a day
-7ish times I've almost cried because I'm so hungry
-7ish times I've told myself to suck it up
-2 dreams I've had about food/the competition
-8-10ish times I've sat and watched people eat food
-0 times I've regretted doing this (so far :) )

xoxo

Day 18: My second home

The gym has officially become my second home.  I'm usually there around:

I'm usually there at least 6 times per week so I figured I'd give you a glimpse into my daily routine.  Yesterday we (me and Shea, my workout buddy...don't worry, he'll get his own post soon) lifted shoulders.  Today we lifted biceps and triceps.  Don't judge the pics.  It was early in the morning and I'm still working on losing some lbs.

             Military shoulder press

Rear Smith machine shoulder press

More shoulder exercises...

Bulging Biceps ;)

 

Triceps

So there's a look into my sweaty, germy second home.  Hopefully the pics stay formatted.  More to come soon :)

xoxo

Day 15: Beginning of Phase 2 has begun

So, 2 weeks down, phase 1 complete.  Today was the first day of phase 2, which is 8 weeks long.  My food hasn't really changed that much, just when I eat certain foods has changed a little.  Here are some highlights from these past 2 weeks:
-I've lost 4 pounds.
-This whole process of consuming far fewer calories than before and working out a shit ton more has made me exhausted all the time.  I'm not sure what else I really expected but, damn, I'm tired.
-My legs are so sore that when I attempt to sit on the toilet I have to hold onto the handicap bar or the towel rack just to make it down safely.  This happens often between all the water and protein shakes I drink daily.
-I saw an older many actually fall asleep in the middle of the gym on one of those blue yoga/ab mats.  Out cold.  I checked to make sure he was breathing.  He was.  He woke up and did some pull-ups.  Now, that's my kind of workout!
-Watching other people eat is getting harder and harder.  I'm trying not to let it affect me, and I'm trying to still go out as much as possible, but it's more of a challenge than I thought it would be.  I have to keep thinking about all of this week-by-week, phase-by-phase or I will crumble (like delicious Baked Lays, Cheetos, or a gluten free pizza...mmmm).

I'm going to try and post some pictures from each lifting workout we do this week.  I forgot my camera today but I'm going to try and start Wednesday (I'm just doing cardio tomorrow, I think you know what an elliptical looks like:) ).  I'm also going to finally do my workout play list some time this week.  Any other suggestions??  Anything you want to hear about?  Bueller?

xoxo

Day 9: Chunks

Hi, my name is Rachel.  I am not an addict but I did, in fact, poop in my pants the day before my colonoscopy.  I bring this up not to give you a horrendous mental picture (which it was), but because it got me thinking about chunks.  Haha not those kind of chunks, but breaking things into manageable chunks.  Yesterday, I had to drink TWO LITERS of this pretty gnarly powdery drink to clear out my system.

 I figured I'd give a comparison of the size of the container (TWO of these!).  Sad, sad times.

I had to drink 8oz. every 15 minutes until 1 liter was complete, then drink 16oz. of a clear liquid, wait an hour and a half, rinse, and repeat.  The only thing that made this even somewhat manageable was that I could break down what I had to do into small chunks (although at the time, the word 'chunks' didn't go over so well).  I could think about drinking 8oz. of this liquid laxative, but to think about drinking an entire liter of it made me want to....well, you know.  After I drank the 1st ounce, I started thinking about the 2nd oz., and then the 3rd, and then before I knew it, the liter was gone.


As I lay in bed with a rumbling stomach, getting ready to sprint to the toilet, I thought about how much breaking down goals into smaller chunks really helps you stay mentally focused, motivated, and confident.  Yeah, I wasn't running the Boston Marathon last night (on second thought, I did make about 1097234 trips to the bathroom and back...), but, for me, this was a challenging thing I had to do and I wasn't sure I could do it.

Obvi, this is similar to my figure competition process.  The only way that I can think about it is 1 day, 1 week, 1 phase at a time.  I think about what my lift is the next day, or how many days or weeks are left in each phase, but I try not to think, "Oh boy, I have to do this for another 22 weeks, which is equal to just shy of 6 months."  Of course those thoughts creep up on me occasionally, but to stay focused, motivated, and confident that I can and will do this, I have to break it down into chunks of time that I can actually wrap my brain around.  Any task, even minute ones, require "chunking" so that they can be completed effectively or just completed at all.

If you think about it, we 'chunk' all the time.  We chunk our day, "I'll finish this task by lunch and then I'll complete this task after lunch."  We chunk weeks, "It's hump day!  Only 2 more days, I can do it!"  We chunk months, "One more month until summer vacation."  We chunk years, "By the end of this year, I want to have saved x amount of money, lost x amount of weight, etc."  Heck, we chunk our whole lives, "By this age, I want to graduate college.  By this age, I want to get married.  I want to have kids by this age and buy a house at this age" and on an on.  OK, I'll stop saying the word 'chunk' now.

It seems our brains just function better when we take 1 piece of life at a time, deal with it, and then move on.  Life, otherwise, is just so overwhelming we may freak out and, well, poop our pants...

xoxoxo

Day 7: Week 1 complete!

So the first week is done...23 weeks to go.  That sounds daunting when I type it, but I'm trying to take it 1 week at a time.  The things I've realized this week are:
-it's OK to be hungry sometimes.
-I've lost about 2.5 pounds and that feels pretty good but I still have very far to go.
-I probably shouldn't have eaten my face off for the past 3ish months...it's making this a liiiiitle more difficult.
-Protein shakes create some of the worst gas I've ever smelled.  I apologize in advance.  And if you're standing near me and you smell something gross, yes, it's me.  Sorry.
-Events, such as birthday parties and horse races just really aren't the same when I'm not drinking alcohol.  I'm a little disturbed by this because I feel like it shouldn't make that much of a difference, but flip cup with cups of water just ain't the same....youknowwhatimsayin?!
-I think I can do this this time.  I will do this this time, even if I am not totally confident the day of the show.  I can dedicate myself, for 1 summer, and do this.

PS- I have to have a colonoscopy on Tuesday morning...do you think that will help the weight loss??  I'm hoping for a big YES.  "I'm 1 stomach virus away from my ideal weight." (From Devil Wears Prada).

Thanks again for everyone's encouragement and for your understanding and for letting me play drinking games with water :)  I couldn't do it without all of you!

xoxo