My Top 10 Gym Pet Peeves

OK, I have given this post a lot of thought.  I've talked to friends and fellow gym-goers.  I don't mean to be super critical or judgmental, just giving you my thoughts :)  I have spent A LOT of time in the gym and I have seen A LOT of...interesting characters (to be kind).  Here is my list of my top 10 gym pet peeves/annoyances.  Richard Simmons feels my pain too, see? 

#10: When the gym staff feels the need to BLAST the heat during the winter.  I mean, the only people who need serious heat are the few people working at the gym, not the people working out!  We are all sweating our asses off without the darn heat blasting!  I am not trying to do the equivalent of hot yoga: "A series of poses done in 95-100 degree heat.  As you can imagine, this temperature promotes profuse sweating and makes the body very warm and, therefore, flexible".......ummmmm, no thank you!

#9: Locker Rooms: I generally try to avoid locker rooms, mostly because they're usually oddly damp, there are naked, saggy people strutting around like they're getting changed in their own home, and because people are so awkward in locker rooms.  You're trying to put on  your clothes without showing 1 naked part (well, most of us try, except for the nudie people) and everyone is trying so hard not to look at anyone changing.  Then you realize you forgot to shave or put on lotion and you look like a freak and you wonder who notices and then you remember that you're wearing your "period" underwear (aka your granny panties) and oh my gosh is anyone looking at them and then you realize you can't find your pants because they're at the bottom of your bag and oh crap who is staring at my granny panty butt while I'm digging through my bag......It's just uncomfortable and awkward....I don't even really like getting dressed in my room at home with my Tigger stuffed animal "looking" at me, so changing in the dressing room gives me the heeby-jeebies!

#8: Mirrors, mirrors everywhere.  I get it, you need to be able to watch your form, your position, make sure your butt is back when you're doing squats...theoretically, I get it.  But, let's be real...do you really need to look at yourself THAT much?!  Sometimes, I look in one mirror and can see into another mirror, which allows me to see what's happening at the front of the gym when I'm standing in the far back of the gym...creepy.  I get so sick of looking at myself, from many angles and in many mirrors! 

#7: Grunting.  OK I know I'm a girl lifter and can't lift as much as the juiced up men at the gym, but honestly...are you having an orgasm, pushing out a poop, or lifting something heavy?!  (It sounds like some of these people accidentally push out a poop while lifting something heavy).  I just can't help but stare at the grunters.  It's like a car accident.  I know I shouldn't be watching, but it's so hard to look away.  Then, I look away but catch the grunter's eye in one of the 1230397 mirrors (see #8).

#6: Hair + gym:  Now, I know when exercising you can have the occasional pony tail slip and you need to redo your hair.  But the millions of mirrors in the gym are not your personal mirrors or your place to fix your hair do.  I actually once witnessed a girl redo her hair THREE times while on the treadmill.  A) get off the treadmill while you're doing your hair, someone else may want to use it.  B) if you can do your hair while moving on the treadmill, you're not working hard enough.  C) See what all the mirrors do to you?!?

#5:  Sharing equipment.  I know I'm a second grade teacher and I teach alllll about sharing.  But in the gym, it's just kinda annoying to share.  When I'm at the gym, I'm usually in my zone.  My ipod is on or I'm talking to Greg, focusing on what I'm doing so that I can go home and eat.  Then, out of nowhere, some putz comes up and says, probably in a perfectly nice voice, "Can I work in with you?"  "UGH" I think in my head, but politely oblige.  I go onto a different machine, but then, my machine is now covered in someone else's sweat, the weights are set differently, and I just don't wanna share!

#4:  Make-up at the gym:  I guess this connects with #6 but it disturbs me when girls come to the gym with full-blown make-up on.  I know that some people come straight from work, fine.  I'll give you that one.  I also know that sometimes people are hungover tired and have their makeup on from the day/night before.  I have done this before, I admit.  But I have been to the gym at numerous times on numerous days and I just don't understand the girls who feel like they need to look like they are going to a beauty pageant when in reality they are going to a dirty, smelly, hot gym.  Maybe they want to pick up a dude there?  Has this ever successfully happened, other than on Sex and the City?  And what happens to your face when you start sweating?  Are you trying to look like the Joker as your make up streams down your face?  Me no understand.

#3:  Gym attire:  I try not to stare at people too often.  I really only do it if they smell (coming soon) or look odd.  I just don't get it.  Go to Target or Marshalls or TJ Maxx or Wal Mart and purchase a few cheap workout outfits that were made post 2000.  Ladies especially...WTF?!  I don't know who thinks it's OK to come to the gym in one of those classic 1980s aerobics outfits complete with the tights under the shorts, leotard, high socks, and sweatbands.  I'm sure Richard Simmons would be proud, but even he may want you to keep up with the times as well.  I also don't think anyone needs to see another woman in a sports bra...no matter what their body type/shape.  It's not summer and we are not at a pool...cover yo self up!  Just purchase some clothes that fit appropriately, cover all of your wobbly bits (jubblies--hi Kathy!), and remember we are in the year 2010.

#2: Profuse sweating: I know people can't help how much they sweat.  I sweat A LOT when I'm doing cardio.  But it is so disturbing to me to see people drenched in sweat and they seem completely unphased.  There was a smelly, soaking wet man on the treadmill next to me one day and he did not seem bothered at all--he was just truckin' away.  Who knows how much of his sweat flew onto me!  Invest in a towel, or even just a t-shirt sleeve.  It helps, I promise.  And when it gets to a point when your light grey shirt is now completely dark grey, it's time to go home and shower.  My greatest frustration with profuse sweaters is when they get off of a machine or a mat and their sweat, body outline is left for me to lay on next.  One time I was doing leg curls after this sweaty, stinky man and I could actually smell him on the rubber part of the machine where you lay down.  I almost threw up.  But that would have added to the sweat and the smell and would have been worse.  Can you say MRSA?  Herpes?  Cooties?  EWWW!

#1:  Drum roll, please.  My greatest gym pet peeve is...wait for it...SMELLY PEOPLE!  Let me explain.  I dislike the body odor smell as much as the smell of someone who recently bathed in a pool of cologne.  As far as the BO goes, just invest in a good bar of soap, maybe a nice little body wash, and a stick of deodarant.  That should do it.  And my greatest question with this, can you people really not smell yourself?!  I know within 20-30 minutes if I forgot to put on deodarant in the morning and that's when I'm just around my house--not even working out and sweating profusely.  I feel like I would smell myself, but maybe not...  As far as the cologne drowners go, I just don't get it.  It's 5:00 in the morning, why do you need to smell so good?  So that the girl fixing her hair, wearing lots of make-up will smell you from 8 treadmills away??  That much cologne would not even be necessary at a black tie event meeting the President.  He'd pass out.  The bottom line is this: invest in a bar of soap, deodarant, and a good friend to tell you which end of the smelly spectrum you are on.

Feel free to add to my list in the comment section.  I hope nobody was offended, it's all meant in good fun.

Until next time!
xoxo