Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Day 135: Priorities and Control

I have realized that one thing I do love about this whole process is that I have control over so many aspects of it.  I can control what I put in my mouth.  I can control how hard I work at the gym.  I can control my schedule (most of the time) to make sure I'm eating and working out at the most opportune times.  I never really realized how much I like being in control...maybe that's why I became a teacher :)  I think as I worry about what will come after the competition, I become more controlling in other areas of my life.  For example, I have become obsessed with keeping my car and room clean lately...because it's something I have complete control over.  I have a box of books in my backseat and it's driving me BANANAS!  I had never really been like that before.  I like to know that there are certain, predicatable things that I can control.  Some of this new controlling-ness, I think, comes from my fear that I will lose control after the competition.  Right now everything is so specific, timed, and laid out.  Eat, sleep, workout, eat, eat, eat, eat, workout, prepare food, sleep.  I know the exact foods I'm supposed to eat, at the exact times, in the exact portions.  It will be so odd to not have that routine and exactness that I have to follow each day and that scares me a little.  I'm going to do a whole post on the question I get asked the most, "What are your plans for after the competition..."  Will write that soon.

I have also realized, in the past 2-3 weeks, that this competition seemed like the end-all-be-all of my life for the whole summer.  Not much else was as important and it always took priority.  And then...my 20 fifth graders walked into my life :)  And I remembered I have one of the most exhausting professions that there ever was.  And my students deserve a teacher who is fully committed to them.  I have quickly realized that, while I'm SO close to finishing this competition prep process, it unfortunately cannot be my only priority like it was all summer.  Other things have to take priority as well.  This realization has actually been a good thing for me because it has made me realize that regardless of what happens at the competition, life will, indeed, go on.  While I've put in more than a ton of effort to get where I am now, and this is extremely important to me, I know that I will be OK no matter what--and other things in life will continue to go 'round :)

Those are my grand thoughts for the night :)  Will update on plans for after the competition, my beautifying process for the competition :), my photo shoot on Saturday!!  And will post pics as soon as my tailored suits arrive!!  11 DAYS LEFT!!!!!!!!!!


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