Day 46: Clothing, Confidence, Injuries

It's amazing how quickly all of these days, weeks, and phases are flying by.  I can't believe it's already been 46 days.  Here are a few stats/updates from the past week or so.
-Weight: 133.5, have lost 10.5 lbs. total
-In the middle of week 6 overall, in the middle of week 4 of my 8-week cut.
-4 weeks to go until this phase is finished...then, the home stretch.

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So, people who know me, know that I verrrrry rarely wear shorts.  I have always been OK with the front of my legs but I've always hated the back of my legs.  (I don't think I need to remind you of what cellulite looks like...).  My legs were never even really that cellulite-y, but I just haven't really  been comfortable wearing shorts in many years, so...I don't.

As I started losing weight, losing inches, and gaining more muscle, I started to become more comfortable with my body in general.  I started wearing things, like tank tops, more often than I previously had.  I realized that my legs were getting in much better shape and I was tired of staring at my baggy workout pants (which are all 3/4 length) in the ever-present gym mirrors.  In one sense I wanted to show off the progress I had made on my legs, and in another sense I wanted to be able to see my legs better so that I could see what areas still needed work.  So I did it.  I bought a frickin' pair of shorts.  And I wore them to the gym.  OMG.  Of course I had one of the worst, and most awkward, sunburns of my life on my thighs, so I'm sure that distracted some attention from the back of my legs.  Anyhoo, I actually felt pretty good in the shorts.  I was proud that I was wearing them and I was ever more proud that I was OK with the fact that I was wearing them.

I realized that, for me, clothing choices and growing confidence are kind of a chicken-egg situation:  I mean, what came first?  Did I start putting on outfits that looked better than before, thus making me more confident?  Or did I become more confident in my body changes, thus becoming more daring with my clothing choices?  I don't really know.  I guess I probably became more confident in my body changes and started trying on things I either haven't worn in a few seasons or things that I wouldn't usually wear.  I think it really helped that a lot of the things in my closet have become too big for me to wear.  Now, don't get me wrong.  I'm not, all of a sudden, like some slutty hooker-type, strutting around in skin tight outfits.  I just found that it was interesting the confidence that I seemed to have gained from being able to wear new outfits.  I'm proud of my transformation that has happened so far, and I think that shows in some of my clothing choices.  I'll try to take some pics of some of my gym, and real-life outfits for you all :)

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I had made it 6.5 weeks without a serious injury...until this morning.  I was doing powerlifts (think Crossfit) and on my second exercise I did a push press (barbell over my head, arms straight), and I felt a twinge in my back.  I did one more rep and I was done like a Thanksgiving turkey.  I sat down for a few minutes, couldn't really look down or look left without pain shooting down my back, cried a couple silent tears, and went home.  I tried to take a hot bath but I just couldn't get comfortable, so I showered, got ready for school, dropped 1/2 dozen eggs on the floor, tried to clean it up (just hoping I would make it back up off the floor), and drove to school without being able to turn my head to the left (thank goodness for turn signals).  One of my co-workers gave me a huge ibuprofen (thanks Selinda!!) and that really helped during the day.  I had to stand pretty erect (hehe) most of the day because that felt the best.  Now I'm home and Greg put lots of icy hot on my back.  It's really just the top 1/3 of my back, mostly on the left and at the base of my neck on my spine.  I'm hoping it's just a bad muscle pull/irriation and will heal quickly.  I think I'll be laid up tomorrow and will obviously not be at the gym tomorrow.  I was supposed to do cardio tomorrow, rest Saturday, and lift legs Sunday, but obviously that has changed.  I'm currently stuck in my recliner chair, hoping I'll be able to at least crawl up the stairs in a couple hours so I can go to bed...will keep you posted!

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Thanks again for everyone's support.  Everyone's comments, whether here or in person, mean so much to me.  I couldn't do this without all of you!!

Day 37: Sacrifices

First, here are some more number stats for where I am right now:
-Initial 2 weeks done.
-3 weeks of the 8-week cut done.
-9.5 pounds lost
-Went from 144.0 to 134.5
-Have completed more than I did the first time I tried to train for this competition and have lost more weight in these 5 weeks than the first 5 weeks of last time.

This past weekend, I went to Dewey Beach.  I started the weekend thinking it was going to be realllly difficult to measure out all my food and eat out of tupperware while everyone else was housing cheesesteaks and pizza.  And it was.  But by the end of the weekend, I realized a few things: a) it wasn't really that hard (especially because we stayed in a house with a kitchen and Greg helped me prepare lots of my food) and b) to be successful in all of this, I'm going to have to make lots of sacrifices, so it doesn't really help to complain about it, but rather suck it up and do it...and realize that the sacrifices really are worth it.

I had to lift legs on Saturday at a random gym in Rehobeth and I had to go do abs and cardio at that same, random gym on Monday before everyone else was even awake.  While I cursed the fact that I had to do this, especially on my vaca, I very soon realized that I felt better after lifting and I really started to feel as though the sacrifices were worth it.  They are just part of the deal.  I guess I kind of knew this subconsciously before starting this whole thing, but weekends like this make me truly aware of the sacrifices I'm making to do this. 

Here are a few from the weekend: no drinking (AT DEWEY BEACH, PEOPLE), no eating out (except for 1 salad with no dressing), watching people around me eating and drinking whatever they wanted, going to bed at a decent time so I could get up to work out, using time to prepare food, taking multiple meals with me wherever I went, and the worst...no ice cream (you know, creamy, mint chocolate chip with hot fudge while strolling on the board walk *drool*).

As I was lifting on Saturday, I looked up and saw the slogan for the gym.  In huge letters it read, "THE DIFFERENCE IS DISCPLINE."  Ok, kinda cheesy, I know.  But it really is true!  And it kind of hit home with me that morning when the sun was (briefly) shining and all I wanted to be doing was sitting at the beach or playing corn hole, sipping a cocktail.  I realized that I signed up for this and come September I will be so glad I made the sacrifices I did and stayed disciplined through it all.  It's not always easy to realize this, especially since it's only JUNE.  But since I've been seeing results both in the gym and on the scale, all of the sacrifices are beginning to feel worth it...even if that means missing out on some things in life momentarily.

Will update soon :)
xoxo

Day 30: Numbers Part Deux: Weight

Weight is always a touchy subject.  I understand why, but it still bothers me that it's so hard to talk about weight.  I guess some people like to keep such things personal, some people are embarrassed, and maybe some people just don't really care about the number on the scale.  Well, with my fitness goal a la moment, it's pretty impossible for me not to care about the number on the scale...each...and....every...morning.

I weigh 137.0 lbs and I'm tired of not talking about it.

Some people may think I look heavier, some may think I look lighter, some may not really give a damn.  But it bothers me how important the scale is to me.  I know I'm strong.  I know I'm eating healthier than 99% of the people I know.  I know I'm trying my best at this whole thing.  But I can't stop thinking about losing numbers.  And it's annoying.  And it's even more annoying that nobody really talks about weight.  It's always just, "Oh sh*t, I gained 5 pounds."  Or, "Yes!  I lost 7 pounds."  But the actual weight number is really never mentioned.  And what's even more annoying is that so many people don't even try to lose weight and they weigh less than I do.  This bothers me because I know, that for the rest of my life, I will always have to watch the scale and think about my weight.  I will always have to try hard to be fit and I will always be talking about the number on the scale.

I weigh 137.0 lbs, damnit.

I have 17 more pounds to lose in the next 5 months in order to be competitive at this competition, and I think I can get there, but worrying about my weight in my head all the time is going to get verrrrry old. 

I know a lot of you are thinking, "Oh, it's muscle and muscle weighs more than fat."  {insert incorrect buzzer noise}  If you are working out and cutting your calories, it's near impossible to gain weight.  Women, on average, who workout and diet hard, can only gain an average of 1-2 pounds of muscle per month.  So chances are the extra lbs aint muscle ifyouknowwhati'msayin.....

I weigh 137.0 lbs and I wonder how much of it is muscle.

I'm tired of thinking about weight but I know I have to.  I'm tired of not talking about weight, but who really discusses actual weight numbers as an every day conversation?  Some days I want to just shout my weight so I don't have to keep it bottled up.  Some days I'm ashamed of it.  Some days I just want to vent about the fact that my life has become consumed with numbers and one of those numbers I see on a scale every morning.  I have taken some measurements and I'll post those on a "Numbers Part 3/final" post soon.

I know it's not all about the scale.  I know I'm doing this the right way.  But sometimes I just get tired of silently worrying about my weight (well, silent except for complaining to a select few ;) ) and wondering if I can actually get to my goal weight.

I weight 137.0 lbs and I want to be able to talk about all aspects of weight and weight loss and all the numbers involved in this process.

In case you missed it, I weight 137.0 lbs right now.  We'll see what the morning brings!  Speaking of numbers, it's 8:45, 15 minutes passed my bedtime (that means I'll get about 7:45 minutes of sleep, get up at 4:45 and eat 3.0 ounces of banana before I lift....tooooo many nuummmmbeeerrrsssssssss!!!)

Speak your weight proudly!  We're all in this together, whether you're trying to lose weight or not.  We all think about it and, at some point, we all need to talk about it.

4 weeks and 2 days DONE!  19 weeks and 5 days to go :)

xoxo

Day 21: Numbers

Sometimes it feels like my life is constantly being measured in numbers.  Here are some numbers in my head at the moment:

-3 weeks finished (21 days)
-21 days of being extremely tired
-21 weeks left (147 days...oy!)
-6 pounds lost
-$210 spent on groceries this month
-$160 spent at bodybuilding.com for protein powder this month
-5:00am wake up time
-8:30pm bedtime
-4-5 hours per week lifting
-2 hours per week doing abs and cardio (3 starting this week)
-400 = target calorie burn during cardio
-100(ish)g of carbs a day
-7ish times I've almost cried because I'm so hungry
-7ish times I've told myself to suck it up
-2 dreams I've had about food/the competition
-8-10ish times I've sat and watched people eat food
-0 times I've regretted doing this (so far :) )

xoxo

Day 18: My second home

The gym has officially become my second home.  I'm usually there around:

I'm usually there at least 6 times per week so I figured I'd give you a glimpse into my daily routine.  Yesterday we (me and Shea, my workout buddy...don't worry, he'll get his own post soon) lifted shoulders.  Today we lifted biceps and triceps.  Don't judge the pics.  It was early in the morning and I'm still working on losing some lbs.

             Military shoulder press

Rear Smith machine shoulder press

More shoulder exercises...

Bulging Biceps ;)

 

Triceps

So there's a look into my sweaty, germy second home.  Hopefully the pics stay formatted.  More to come soon :)

xoxo

Day 15: Beginning of Phase 2 has begun

So, 2 weeks down, phase 1 complete.  Today was the first day of phase 2, which is 8 weeks long.  My food hasn't really changed that much, just when I eat certain foods has changed a little.  Here are some highlights from these past 2 weeks:
-I've lost 4 pounds.
-This whole process of consuming far fewer calories than before and working out a shit ton more has made me exhausted all the time.  I'm not sure what else I really expected but, damn, I'm tired.
-My legs are so sore that when I attempt to sit on the toilet I have to hold onto the handicap bar or the towel rack just to make it down safely.  This happens often between all the water and protein shakes I drink daily.
-I saw an older many actually fall asleep in the middle of the gym on one of those blue yoga/ab mats.  Out cold.  I checked to make sure he was breathing.  He was.  He woke up and did some pull-ups.  Now, that's my kind of workout!
-Watching other people eat is getting harder and harder.  I'm trying not to let it affect me, and I'm trying to still go out as much as possible, but it's more of a challenge than I thought it would be.  I have to keep thinking about all of this week-by-week, phase-by-phase or I will crumble (like delicious Baked Lays, Cheetos, or a gluten free pizza...mmmm).

I'm going to try and post some pictures from each lifting workout we do this week.  I forgot my camera today but I'm going to try and start Wednesday (I'm just doing cardio tomorrow, I think you know what an elliptical looks like:) ).  I'm also going to finally do my workout play list some time this week.  Any other suggestions??  Anything you want to hear about?  Bueller?

xoxo

Day 9: Chunks

Hi, my name is Rachel.  I am not an addict but I did, in fact, poop in my pants the day before my colonoscopy.  I bring this up not to give you a horrendous mental picture (which it was), but because it got me thinking about chunks.  Haha not those kind of chunks, but breaking things into manageable chunks.  Yesterday, I had to drink TWO LITERS of this pretty gnarly powdery drink to clear out my system.

 I figured I'd give a comparison of the size of the container (TWO of these!).  Sad, sad times.

I had to drink 8oz. every 15 minutes until 1 liter was complete, then drink 16oz. of a clear liquid, wait an hour and a half, rinse, and repeat.  The only thing that made this even somewhat manageable was that I could break down what I had to do into small chunks (although at the time, the word 'chunks' didn't go over so well).  I could think about drinking 8oz. of this liquid laxative, but to think about drinking an entire liter of it made me want to....well, you know.  After I drank the 1st ounce, I started thinking about the 2nd oz., and then the 3rd, and then before I knew it, the liter was gone.


As I lay in bed with a rumbling stomach, getting ready to sprint to the toilet, I thought about how much breaking down goals into smaller chunks really helps you stay mentally focused, motivated, and confident.  Yeah, I wasn't running the Boston Marathon last night (on second thought, I did make about 1097234 trips to the bathroom and back...), but, for me, this was a challenging thing I had to do and I wasn't sure I could do it.

Obvi, this is similar to my figure competition process.  The only way that I can think about it is 1 day, 1 week, 1 phase at a time.  I think about what my lift is the next day, or how many days or weeks are left in each phase, but I try not to think, "Oh boy, I have to do this for another 22 weeks, which is equal to just shy of 6 months."  Of course those thoughts creep up on me occasionally, but to stay focused, motivated, and confident that I can and will do this, I have to break it down into chunks of time that I can actually wrap my brain around.  Any task, even minute ones, require "chunking" so that they can be completed effectively or just completed at all.

If you think about it, we 'chunk' all the time.  We chunk our day, "I'll finish this task by lunch and then I'll complete this task after lunch."  We chunk weeks, "It's hump day!  Only 2 more days, I can do it!"  We chunk months, "One more month until summer vacation."  We chunk years, "By the end of this year, I want to have saved x amount of money, lost x amount of weight, etc."  Heck, we chunk our whole lives, "By this age, I want to graduate college.  By this age, I want to get married.  I want to have kids by this age and buy a house at this age" and on an on.  OK, I'll stop saying the word 'chunk' now.

It seems our brains just function better when we take 1 piece of life at a time, deal with it, and then move on.  Life, otherwise, is just so overwhelming we may freak out and, well, poop our pants...

xoxoxo

Day 7: Week 1 complete!

So the first week is done...23 weeks to go.  That sounds daunting when I type it, but I'm trying to take it 1 week at a time.  The things I've realized this week are:
-it's OK to be hungry sometimes.
-I've lost about 2.5 pounds and that feels pretty good but I still have very far to go.
-I probably shouldn't have eaten my face off for the past 3ish months...it's making this a liiiiitle more difficult.
-Protein shakes create some of the worst gas I've ever smelled.  I apologize in advance.  And if you're standing near me and you smell something gross, yes, it's me.  Sorry.
-Events, such as birthday parties and horse races just really aren't the same when I'm not drinking alcohol.  I'm a little disturbed by this because I feel like it shouldn't make that much of a difference, but flip cup with cups of water just ain't the same....youknowwhatimsayin?!
-I think I can do this this time.  I will do this this time, even if I am not totally confident the day of the show.  I can dedicate myself, for 1 summer, and do this.

PS- I have to have a colonoscopy on Tuesday morning...do you think that will help the weight loss??  I'm hoping for a big YES.  "I'm 1 stomach virus away from my ideal weight." (From Devil Wears Prada).

Thanks again for everyone's encouragement and for your understanding and for letting me play drinking games with water :)  I couldn't do it without all of you!

xoxo


 

Day 2: Things I Know So Far...

I'm gonna preface this by saying that it's been a loooong, food-less (not really, but it seems like it) day, and my special monthly visitor is coming soon....so take it as you will.

Things I Know So Far:

-I'm hungry as HELL.  Like, I almost threw up today, while driving, because I had a terrible headache and I was starving (I use the term starving loosely--I'm not like one of those kids on the Feed the Hungry commercials with a distended stomach and a fly landing on my eye, but you get the point).
-I have to eat a lot LESS food in phase 2 and even LESS in phase 4...guess I better contact them about putting me in a commercial soon.
-I have to lose 20-24 pounds in the next 24 weeks.
-Talking about food and how hungry I am makes me, literally, tear up.  I'm hoping my monthly friend takes these tears away.
-I never thought 8:30pm would seem like a LATE bedtime.
-I better get used to peeing 23409723049 times a day.
-I better freakin' suck it up if I'm going to make it another 23 weeks and 5 days.

Time for bed...it is after 8:00pm!!

xoxo  Leave some love, I need it today :)

I'm baaaaaack!

Hi!  I've missed you!  Sorry I've been gone for a month and a half....I didn't really know what to write about and I didn't have anything overly exciting to share.  BUT, now I do. 

I'm officially back on the competition training diet and lifting routine.  I will attempt, for the second time, my first ever figure competition.  Now, let me tell you how this came about again...

As you know, 5 weeks into my last attempt at this endeavor, I came across a pro figure competitor who basically told me I was not ready for a competition and needed to step up my lifting program before I cut weight.  After many tears, millions of calories, some alcoholic bevvies, 10 pounds, and a pretty intense lifting program, I feel like I'm ready to try this all again.  Greg just completed his second bodybuilding competition and while I was there I couldn't help but notice, and slightly obsess over, the figure competitors who were there.  What really struck me was that they, like every woman, had flaws...dun dun dun.  Most all of them were not perfect, they were not ridiculously buff, and they were just as extremely nervous as I know I'll be.

I started thinking about why I had attempted my first competition and why I would want to try another.  Originally, I just wanted to see what I could get my body to do.  I wanted to see how in shape I could get and I wanted to compete and do decently well.  I think I got too caught up in the "I-need-to-be-perfect-to-do-this-and-I-need-place-and-be-super-competitive."  These girls as Greg's competition seemed to want the same thing as I had originally wanted.  One girl looked like she had probably lost 75-100 pounds at some point in her life.  She had stretch marks and some extra skin, but I could tell how proud of herself she was.  She didn't care that she had stretch marks (at least she didn't let on that she cared if she did).  She just did her best and showed off how proud she was of her hard work.  Even with those flaws she was probably in the best shape of her entire life and she celebrated that by doing this competition.

I am not a very competitive person.  I mean I like to win at things like BINGO, or Cranium, but I wouldn't pull a Tony Harding and bust the knee caps of my competitors to win.  My outlook on this competition is that I am going to get in the best shape of my life, do the best I can, and celebrate that with a competition that reveals my hard work.  Maybe I won't place in the top 5.  Maybe I slip on my clear, plastic stripper shoes and bust ass, but at least I will have tried.  I know I am doing this for myself, for my body, and for something to motivate me to stay in shape and stay healthy.

Here's the plan so far:
I have a total of 24 weeks to train and diet.  I'm on 4 cycles, if you will.  The first started today.  It's a 2-week transition into this whole thing (since I've been EATING MY FACE OFF).  I'm essentially doing the same lifting/cardio program (lift 4 days, cardio 2 days) but have revamped my diet (will share on another post).  Then I do an 8-week program that will be a little bit more intense on all fronts--lifting, cardio, and diet.  Then I do a 2-week "maintenance" program where I can ease up on all fronts and just maintain my weight.  The last phase is an intense 12-week program where my diet will be very strict, my lifting will be kicked up a little, and my cardio will gradually increase each week so that right before my competition I will be lifting 4/5 times a week and cardio 5 times a week........

I can't even think that far ahead though.  I'm just focusing on phase 1 right now...so as of now I'm thinking about day 2 of phase 1 :)

Thanks for everyone's encouragement and support.  I really appreciate it!  I PROMISE I will be better about keeping up on this site, now that I have real things to talk about (like my hunger...) :)

xoxo