From Muffin Top to Six Pack Abs

Balance in the New Year

2011-01-02T20:33:00.000-05:00

Over the holidays, I ate gluten free pizza, chocolate, frozen yogurt, peanut butter, and Panera salads to my heart's content. I visited my family, played with my baby niece, and hung out with my dear friends. As my winter break from teaching came to a close, I was feeling a little guilty for indulging to the point that all I could wear was elastic pants. But then I watched the movie Eat, Pray, Love with my parents (probably while eating frozen yogurt), on my comfy couch, in my ever-present stretchy pants. After the movie I had an Oprah "ah-ha" moment...

Now, the movie was not an academy-award winner, but the message of the movie really struck me. **If you don't want to know the ending, stop reading.** Julia Roberts finds herself in a marriage and a lifestyle that is no longer satisfying. She has essentially melded her life with her husband's life and has, in turn, lost herself. She takes a year long trip to 3 different countries to "find herself" and to find balance. Cheesy storyline, I know. But, in the end, she finds a man in Bali that she is starting to fall in love with. After weeks and weeks together he is ready for some kind of commitment and wants to begin a long-distance relationship with her as she is returning to the states very soon. She momentarily freaks out and says no because she doesn't want to lose the balance that she has found in her life...she has become independent, she has found hobbies, interests, and friends that are hers, and she seems happy. But what she realizes after she says no to her lova' man, is that balance looks different in everyone's life and it's OK if a balanced life doesn't really look balanced. Her new balance is more heavily weighted with love and relationship, but that is the balance that keeps her healthy and makes her happy.

She realized that denoting a bigger portion of her life to her new lover and their relationship didn't make her any less independent or any weaker. It just meant that her balance of life's priorities would be different than other people's and if it worked for her, and her lova, that was OK.

I know this seems a little deep for a movie that lasted approximately 3 days in theaters...but it was a message that I needed to hear right at that time. I needed to hear, if only from a cheesy movie, that my lifestyle since the competition was, in a sense, OK.

After my competition I was busy but I was also burnt out. I was tired of thinking about every bite I put in my mouth. I was exhausted from work and and tutoring for 2 hours after work, so that gave me an awesome excuse to skip going to the gym. I just...didn't feel like putting in the time and effort I needed to at the gym. I also wanted to make sure I kept up with my friends and visiting my family. Weekly dinner dates with friends, and weekend trips to see other friends and family, kept me busy...and happy. Most of the time I threw caution to the wind and went out to eat, had a few drinks with friends, ordered take-out food...and loved every minute of it. I didn't eat terribly, and I still exercised sometimes, but the balance of my life had completely shifted. And, post-chick-flick, I realized that this was OK. I didn't have to have the balance of everyone else, and I didn't have to have the balance that I had had for the past 6 months. This new balance, for the time being, made me happy. I was still healthy and I was extremely happy.

I think that people get side-tracked in their weight and fitness goals because they think that they have to be perfectly balanced (the balance that the proverbial "they" says we should have) all of the time. We are told to eat 6 small meals every 2-3 hours, exercise 5-6 times a week, have a balance of weight training, cardio, and interval training. We are told a cheat every now and then is OK And that time with friends and family is important. And don't forget that being happy at your full-time job is good for weight loss as well as a perfect 8 hours of sleep every night. Almost every fitness magazine talks about the perfect balance that we should all have. In an ideal world, this balance would be wonderful...if we all had the time, energy, motivation, money, and resources to keep up this kind of balance all the time...and remain happy. Sometimes it's overwhelming to think of all the things that "they" say we should be doing all the time to stay healthy and be successful, especially at something extreme like a figure competition. And I don't think it's possible to keep that perfect balance for very long, if ever.

I guess my point is...at different times in people's lives, their balance can be, and sometimes has to be, different. And as long as people remain healthy (maybe not competition material, but healthy), different balances can be OK. My balance over break was not 25% work, 25% family, 25% exercise, and 25% friends and Greg :). While this may look like the perfect balance, it wasn't the perfect balance for me at that time. It was more like 75% family, friends, and Greg, 20% eating, and 5% exercising. My balance during my training was about 70% exercising/preparing food, 20% Greg, 5% family, 5% friends. That balance, such that it was, worked for that time in my life.

Starting now, at the beginning of the new year, I am going to begin training for competition #2 and my balance will again shift. To what, exactly, I'm not sure. But I do know that, while my body may not be that of a super model at the moment, I am damn OK with what my balance in life has been since competition #1. I had a great time with my friends, my family, my boyfriend, and my food. I gained some weight but not an unhealthy amount, and I was able to direct my attention to aspects of my life that I had been neglecting. We'll see what the balance of this training cycle involves!

I'm Still Alive!!

2010-11-16T20:31:00.001-05:00

Hi!!

Long time no blogging! Sorry, friends! Life has been a blur since the competition and I have severely neglected the blog. I apologize! I know some of you have kept up with my via Facebook but I wanted to update here as well and continue blogging as I figure out the next steps in my fitness life.

First of all, the competition was a BLAST! I had so much more fun than I had anticipated. The other competitors were so friendly and once I relaxed a little I really did have a good time. I measured (height-wise) in the medium category (5'2"-5'5"). I did the first round in my 2-piece suit (which arrived TWO days before the competition dontevengetmestartedabouthatone!). I was so nervous but kept my composure the best I could. I then came out and did my walk in my 1-piece suit. That was better than the first round just because I was less nervous. Then, we had a break for a little bit of the afternoon and then did our walk routine again in the evening. Strutting around to Miley Cyrus all bedazzled and tanned was all that I expected and more :)

I ended up winning my class, which earned me a trophy and a medal :). I then had to come back out on stage and compete against the winners of the other classes (short and tall). The woman from the tall category won the whole thing (they didn't do 2nd and 3rd place). I was so happy to have won my class--it really made the hard work feel worth it. Winning my class qualified me to compete at a pro show within the NPA organization. However, if I accept my pro card and compete in a pro show, I cannot compete in an amatuer show in that organization again. I'm not sure I want to close that possibility out and my pro card (earned from this competition) is good for 3 years (I think). I spoke to a judge afterwards who said I should definitely do the pro show (which was in October) but I was just not in the mindset to continue this journey...I was too hungry to even think about it! Here are some pictures from the day:

Before I update you on what I've been up to the last 1.5 months and tell you my plan for the future (which is still very unclear, don't get too excited ;)), I have to first say thank you to many, many people. I know this is a little cheesy, but without these people, this would not have happened. Thank you to:
-My family for always supporting me! My mom, dad, preggo sister, her husband, and my baby niece all came to the competition!
-Greg-- thank you doesn't even begin to express how grateful I am for all that you have helped me do...
-Mike Davies, my coach who sent me workouts and diets and helped me "bring my booty down."
-Stacy Wig, my posing coach, who took me from a complete novice to a competitor with some confidence :)
-Lisa Lutz for doing my spray tans, hair, and make-up and being SO flexible and accommodating!
-April Hickory for taking some AMAZING professional pictures of me that I will cherish forever! I will post some of those in my next post. Take a look at her website!
-Shea, my training buddy back when the thought of this competition was really just a reason to motivate myself to get to the gym. Thanks for being there from the very beginning!
-Shea, Kat O., Mikey, Sarah, Tanno, Caly, Kat K., Lolo, Cijlvere, Justine, and Mara (my coach who helped me prep backstage) for making the trek down to Richmond, giving up part of your weekend to support me...thank you! Your support has meant so much to me, you have no idea.
I know these thank-yous are LONG overdue and I apologize for that! Thank you times a million plus infinity!

So...the big question...now what?? The short answer is, I have no idea! Honestly, I'm struggling right now to figure out some kind of balance in my life, both in the gym and with the diet. Since the competition, I have put on about 15 pounds, which is fine, but it's still so weird to see my body change. I'm still trying to motivate to get to the gym, but it's so much easier to miss a gym session when a competition is not looming in the near future. I'm trying to eat clean and healthy during the week and giving myself a little leeway on the weekends. I have a whole post about balance coming up soon :)

I have toyed with the idea of doing a competition in the spring and that is still a realistic possibility. Right now though, I'm taking a break from the super intensity of it all. I'm so busy teaching 5th grade, tutoring, trying to see my family, getting settled in our new place...I am just not in the mindset that I know I need to be in to tackle the physical, emotional, and monetary needs that go with training for a competition. So, basically, I'm trying to figure out how to be a normal eater/worker-outer with possible competitions in the future. :) That's my plan right now.

One thing that has not changed is my early bedtime :) And if you've been reading this blog for any amount of time you know that since it's 8:30, that means it's almost my bedtime :) Stay in touch! I will do the same and keep you posted on thoughts I have swirling in my head about all of this fitness/nutrition stuff :) I also have some more pictures to share!

Happy Tuesday!
xoxo

LAST DAY!

2010-09-24T21:13:00.000-04:00

24 hours from now, this whole journey will be coming to an end! I can't believe it! I mean, in a way I can because this has been an emotional, up and down, crazy, awesome, unbelievable 6+ months. I have learned so much more about fitness, nutrition, my will power, my frustrations, my cravings...myself...in these past few months. And tomorrow, all of the hard work and sacrifice culminates! I'm so excited! I'm not really nervous yet, I'm just anxious to hit the stage all tanned and bedazzled and stripper-esque :)

For fun, I documented my competition prep day/beautifying day for you all :) Now, I don't look exactly "beautiful" in these pictures but getting beautiful was the goal for the day :)

First, I got up (at 3:00am because apparently I am now an insomniac who wakes up with a racing brain...) and made all of my meals for competition day. I have a bag of dry foods (most of which are going to be consumed after the competition, like peanutbuttercuptrailmixomnomnomnom, cereal, granola etc.). Then, I will have a bag of refrigerated food--some of this is for the competition and some of it is healthy, clean food for me to eat after that my mommy made me (thanks mama xoxoxo). Here's a little view for you of what our dining room and fridge currently look like:

Table with our dry foods

We should own stock in Tupperware/Ziploc


Greg is a master fridge organizer...no space is ever wasted!

Then, my mom and I headed to the sauna. My coach said to go in for 7 minutes, then come out for 3 and repeat that cycle 3 times. It wasn't so bad, just, you know, hot.

Then,we headed to Target where I bought a pretty sweet nightgown that I could put on after my spray tan. I also got an oversize hoodie so I could wear that to the competition tomorrow morning. I heart Target, it's my happy place.

Then, off to the nail salon we went! Of course there was an entire bridal party there, but there were lots of people working there so it didn't take too long.

Please notice that: a) I am in one of the most amazing massage chairs EVER and b) I am getting a manicure WHILE still soaking my feet from my pedicure...HEAVEN! I felt like a princess (although unshowered and wearing my PJs).

Then, I had to snap back to reality for a second and I remembered Greg and I were moving out of our house in ONE week! So, my mom and I went over to the new condo and took some measurements of the place. We couldn't stay long because I had to get back to the house and eat, shower, and shave (E.S.S) before going tanning. Here's a little sneak peak of our new living room!


The lovely bathroom wallpaper :) At least there are his and her sinks!!

Then, back to competition world it was! After a quick meal, I showered (my final shower until after the evening session tomorrow), shaved my...everything...and then quickly left to get my first coat of spray tan.
Here I am after my first coat of spray in my schweeeeet nightgown:


Yes, that's 6oz of fish I'm holding :)

My mom and I packed up some things at my house and then headed back to the tanner for my second and final coat of spray tan. You'll have to wait for competition pictures to see just how freakishly dark I am right now ;) But don't worry, I'm still wearing my nightgown!

Tomorrow morning, at 5am, I will get my hair and make up done and then we will head to Richmond. Check in is at 10, athletes meeting is at noon, and the party gets started at 1:00. Finals begin at 6:00 and then I get to eat and relax and breathe and feel a final, wonderful feeling of completion.

All of you have been the best support group I could have ever asked for. I feel as though I have truly done everything I possibly could to be successful tomorrow. I know that without your constant encouragement I'm not sure I could've kept going. Thank you, thank you, thank you, for your messages, cards, emails, texts, calls, words of encouragement, hugs, and understanding. I will definitely put pictures and a new blog post up as soon as possible. I won't be back in town until Sunday evening, but I will try to update Facebook if at all possible.

Thanks again! Talk to you after I strut my tan, bedazzled, stripper heel self across that stage! Here we go!!

Day 139: Beautifying and life in the FINAL stretch!

2010-09-18T12:07:00.000-04:00

In some ways, I cannot believe that in ONE week, from this moment, I will be in the Henrico Theater, tanned and bedazzled, getting ready to strut my stuff on stage. ONE week?! Holy Moly! This final week comes with some final tweakings--most of which to make me presentable on stage. I had my hair cut and highlighted this past week. Today, I'm having my make-up professionally done and then I'm going to have professional pictures taken in Charlottesville!! I'm excited to document this process that I've been through. The make-up artist is also going to teach me how to put on my make-up for the competition day. This week I'll be whitening my teeth, waxing...certain places..., tanning a couple more times in the bed and then spray tanning twice on Friday. I'll also get my nails done, not sure if I'm going to do both mani/pedi or just a pedi at the salon.

In between all of this beautifying, I also have this little thing called a JOB. I have to go to a class one afternoon this week after I teach and Thursday is Back-to-School Night where we meet all the families, so I'll be at school until almost 9:00pm that night...Like I said before, things like this remind me that there is so much more than just this competition and life has to go on!

My workouts and diet will change this week, not exactly sure how yet, but I think I'll be "drying" out/carb depleting for at least some of the days this week. One of my loyal readers (Hi Emily!) suggested I give you all a sample of what I'm currently eating and I thought that was a great idea! Here is what I have eaten for the past 2 weeks:
3 egg whites before I lift (if I lift in the morning)
meal 1: about 24g protein shake with 2 Tbs. cream of rice
meal 2: 2 oz. chicken, 2 oz. steak and 8 asparagus
meal 3: 2 cups of yellow/green/white veggies
meal 4: 3 oz. tuna with 8 asparagus and 1 Tbs. onions
meal 5: 1/3 cup quinoa (like rice), 4 oz. tilapia (or cod or flounder) and 40g red peppers
meal 6: 3 oz. tuna with 1 cup broccoli
**go back to gym after this meal**
meal 7: 1/2 cup brown rice, 4 oz. fish, and 1.5 oz (or 1/4 cup) pineapple
meal 8: 4 or 5 egg whites with 1 cup yellow/green/white veggies
-I can have 4 oz chicken later if I'm hungry, which I almost always am :) So, what do you think??

I sent my coach some pictures today so he can give me my final week's diet (including the day of the show) so here they are. My hair is wet because I had just taken a shower AND I'm in my bathing suit because the altered suit and my 2-piece suit STILL aren't here...argh!! Current weight: 114.0, have officially lost 30 pounds! Here are the pics, hopefully I can show you all the professional pics soon :) xoxo

Day 135: Priorities and Control

2010-09-14T20:03:00.000-04:00

I have realized that one thing I do love about this whole process is that I have control over so many aspects of it. I can control what I put in my mouth. I can control how hard I work at the gym. I can control my schedule (most of the time) to make sure I'm eating and working out at the most opportune times. I never really realized how much I like being in control...maybe that's why I became a teacher :) I think as I worry about what will come after the competition, I become more controlling in other areas of my life. For example, I have become obsessed with keeping my car and room clean lately...because it's something I have complete control over. I have a box of books in my backseat and it's driving me BANANAS! I had never really been like that before. I like to know that there are certain, predicatable things that I can control. Some of this new controlling-ness, I think, comes from my fear that I will lose control after the competition. Right now everything is so specific, timed, and laid out. Eat, sleep, workout, eat, eat, eat, eat, workout, prepare food, sleep. I know the exact foods I'm supposed to eat, at the exact times, in the exact portions. It will be so odd to not have that routine and exactness that I have to follow each day and that scares me a little. I'm going to do a whole post on the question I get asked the most, "What are your plans for after the competition..." Will write that soon.

I have also realized, in the past 2-3 weeks, that this competition seemed like the end-all-be-all of my life for the whole summer. Not much else was as important and it always took priority. And then...my 20 fifth graders walked into my life :) And I remembered I have one of the most exhausting professions that there ever was. And my students deserve a teacher who is fully committed to them. I have quickly realized that, while I'm SO close to finishing this competition prep process, it unfortunately cannot be my only priority like it was all summer. Other things have to take priority as well. This realization has actually been a good thing for me because it has made me realize that regardless of what happens at the competition, life will, indeed, go on. While I've put in more than a ton of effort to get where I am now, and this is extremely important to me, I know that I will be OK no matter what--and other things in life will continue to go 'round :)

Those are my grand thoughts for the night :) Will update on plans for after the competition, my beautifying process for the competition :), my photo shoot on Saturday!! And will post pics as soon as my tailored suits arrive!! 11 DAYS LEFT!!!!!!!!!!

xoxo

Day 129: Is it over yet?!

2010-09-08T20:49:00.000-04:00

Hi Everyone!

Sorry it's been so long since I've written! Life has been more than crazy lately! Greg and I are moving out of our current house in 2-3 weeks because our lease is up the weekend after the competition, so we're home hunting! I started back to teaching last week, today was my second day with my 5th graders, so that's another huge change! And, I am just, overall exhausted from life!

My current schedule is to get up between 4:45 and 5:15 (depending on the cardio program), go to the gym, get ready for school (food is prepared the night before), teach from 8:30-3:10, work at school until about 4:00ish, back to the gym to lift and do more cardio, eat, prepare food for the next day, rinse, and repeat. In between there, I'm trying to find time to tan, go to the grocery store numerous times a week, go see apartments, and maybe get some school work in there...oh and try to hang out with my friends and Greg :) The only possible way that I am keeping up with this schedule is because I know there are only 2 weeks and 3 days left...the countdown has officially begun (OK, so it began a looooong time ago, but now it's serious business :) )

People keep asking me how I'm doing or how I'm feeling and really my answer depends on the A) the time of day or B) whether or not I've eaten recently. Most of the time I feel alright. Exhausted and lethargic some, but overall pretty good. A lot of my troubles/negative moments are mental...I think that I think about the whole process too much and it starts to make me get negative about things. I think things like, "Why am I doing this? I can't wait to eat like a normal person. I'm so hungry. I don't want to go back to the gym..." Once I get to the gym, I'm fine. Once I realize I made it through another day doing the best I possibly could, I'm fine. I would not say that I am currently enjoying this whole thing, but I really want to reach this goal that I set out to achieve. What comes after this? I have no idea. What happens the day after? I eat, that's all I know :)

I have to say, honestly, I am really excited to be done with this intense process. I have learned a lot and I want to maintain certain aspects of all of this, but this intensity is not something I can sustain, and I wouldn't want to even if I could. I can honestly say I don't think I'm as happy doing this as when I wasn't. Maybe it's because I've done this for 20 weeks, which is longer than a lot of people. Maybe it's because I have a lot going on in my life at the moment and it's just too much. Maybe it's because I've attended a lot of events/gone out to restaurants a lot to watch people eat. I don't know. But I'm taking it day by day and I will reach this goal. There's no turning back now!

So, I met with my posing coach on Saturday and it was the best session we ever had. She helped me so much, gave me such great pointers, and gave me some more confidence that I definitely needed. She did tell me I would probably be docked judging points for my lack of muscularity (we all knew that though, huh? :) ), but we both know I'm doing the best I can with this body and this diet! That is the last time I will see my posing coach before the competition, which is scary, but she has helped me so much, I really do feel confident that I can handle this now.

Lastly...before the pictures :)...tanning...dun dun dun (I will have to do a whole post on this soon...lots of details to share). So, I stopped by the air brush spray tanner and she sprayed me (I think about 2 weeks ago). She was probably one of the nicest people I've ever met. So sweet! During and after the spray, we both quickly realized that a spray was not going to cover up my tan lines and something else needed to be done...I know, I know...I always said I would never get in a tanning bed, but it is really the only option. I decided that after 6 months of hard work, I really don't want to let something as silly as tan lines prevent me from doing well in the competition. I figure if I tan in moderation, all will be OK. I've gone a couple times and it seems to be working slowly, so hopefully it will help blend my lines enough before I get my final competition color spray tan the Friday before the show.

It's approaching 9pm, which, you know what that means...MY BED!!!! Ohhh how I love my bed :) Here are my most recent pictures taken in the 1-piece suit I will be wearing in the competition (after it gets altered a little). I should be receiving my altered 1-piece AND my 2-piece by early next week, so I will definitely put up some pictures then! Thanks for the many kind words of encouragement and I hope you enjoy the pics :)

Day 119: Love/Hate in the Homestretch

2010-08-29T18:46:00.000-04:00

3 weeks and 6 days to go...can you believe it?! Some days that seems so far, and some days I can't believe it's so close.

I've been busy the last week or so trying to get my life in order before the school year starts. My parents, who are officially the best people on the planet (heyyyy mama!), came up to DC for a few days and helped me get my life together. My mom and I set up my classroom, went through all my old clothes (got rid of 7 bags of clothes!!!), shopped for some new replacement clothes :), got my oil changed, etc., etc...just the little things in life that add up! And yes, I'm almost 27 (in 8 days!) and I still very much need my parents :). Greg and I also went to a beautiful wedding this weekend for his best friend. It was a nice, final summer week.

All of these activities got me thinking (more) about this whole competition prep and how I truly have a love/hate relationship with the whole situation.

I love the way my body looks, I love that my cardio endurance is the best its ever been, I love that people notice how hard I've worked, I love that I feel strong and confident, I love that I set a goal and am reaching it, I love that I have more discipline and dedication than even I realized.

I hate that I haven't felt full in about 5 months, I hate that I feel lame at social events because all I want to do is sit down and rest my legs, I hate that I haven't gotten my period in 3 months and my body just knows that something is off, I hate that the diet and fatigue alter my moods so easily, I hate that sometimes I just don't feel like myself but more like a robot on auto-pilot.

I guess in a dream world, I would be able to prepare for this competition and keep up my "normal," exciting social life where my every thought wasn't about when I eat next, or how hungry I am, or how my head hurts because I'm hungry, or doubting that I'll be ready, or feeling as though I can't really be in the moment of what's happening because I'm just so overwhelemed by this whole process.

Here is a little sample of what our hotel room looked like during our 48-hour stay for the wedding this weekend:

3 of our 4 coolers/lunch bags needed to carry our food

Our hotel mini-fridge packed with a FRACTION of our food

Our food scale, supplements, etc.

Some of the Tupperware I washed in our bathroom sink after our first day away from home.


The lids...and the $1 soap I got at the Dollar General :)

Let me just add that it took Greg 3 hours to prepare his meals and me about an hour for a TWO day trip...just a glimpse :)

To say that Greg and I have made sacrifices during this whole process is the understatement of 2010.
But to say that this will be one of my greatest accomplishments thus far in my life will also be a huge understatement. Some days I hate that it takes so many sacrifices, but other days I am just so freaking proud of everything we've accomplished that I have to realize that those sacrifices (at least at this point in life) are so worth it. Some days I hate it--hate it all. Some days I love it. And some days I hate that I love it because it would be so much easier to just quit and go get some mint chocolate chip ice cream :)

I got my first spray tan today...will update about that tomorrow!
xoxo

Day 108: 25 Things

2010-08-18T20:28:00.000-04:00

25 Fitness/Food Things You May Not Know About Me (or care to know):

(This is inspired by US Weekly's celebrity column they do where the celebrity tells 25 things about themselves that others may not know...I like to pretend I'm a celebrity :) )

1. My all-time favorite food in this world is Baskin Robbins mint chocolate chip ice cream.

2. I have owned Nike, Brooks, Mizuno, Saucony, Asic, and Puma tennis shoes and I still really have no idea which brand I like the best.

3. I wear my workout pants an average of 3-4 times before washing them...kinda gross, I know, but otherwise I'd be doing laundry every darn day.

4. I like all fruits except for blackberries and raspberries because of the seeds that get stuck in my teeth.

5. I like to read magazines while stepping, walking on the treadmill, or biking, but I can't read while I do the elliptical or while I run.

6. I cannot do cardio without my ipod. I just physically can't.

7. My favorite food combination is peanut butter with chocolate...looooove sweet and salty mix!

8. My favorite lift each week is usually back or shoulders.

9. My least favorite lift each week is usually legs and I really don't like doing abs.

10. My favorite fitness/health magazine is Oyxgen Magazine. I read it cover to cover when it comes in the mail.

11. My ideal cardio situation is when I can watch and listen to the Today show while reading either People Magazine or US Weekly. This makes cardio much easier.

12. I still can't decide what I should eat right after my show...but I'm leaning towards some or all of the following: peanut butter and jelly on a gluten-free roll, baked Lays, trail mix, gluten-free pizza, fruit salad...any other suggestions?

13. I very rarely wear underwear when I work out. I hate swamp ass in my underwear.

14. When I need to push through a cardio/lifting workout, I turn my ipod to: Eminem, T.I., Miley Cyrus (hehe), or Rocky songs.

15. While some people think it's gross, I would like to have a visible vein showing in my arm (bicep/shoulder region) by the end of my training :)

16. I have not had a sip of alcohol or a dessert since April 25th. Honestly, I'm a little scared to put both back into my life since it's been so long.

17. After I complete the competition, regardless of the results, I would like to treat myself to a pair of designer jeans. AndbytreatmyselfImeanGregcanbuythemforme.

18. I eventually want to cut fake sugar out of my diet but I have a hard time with that. Right now I have it in my Crystal Light drinks, my flavored water drinks, and my gum/mints. It's hard to get rid of it!

19. I would like to complete an olympic distance triathlon in the near future.

20. The 2 things I'm the most worried about with my competition are the tanning and walking/tripping/falling in my heels.

21. I pee at least 1 time an hour. Sometimes I hold it so long that by the time I get to the toilet, I start peeing before my butt lands on the seat hahaha.

22. I would love to write a fitness/nutrition column for a magazine on the side. I would also love to become a dietitian or nutritionist but that's a lot more schooling!

23. One of my other life dreams is to own a training studio/small gym with Greg.

24. I think the most important thing I've learned about food through all of this is to weigh and/or measure everything you eat! Digital food scales are my best friends!!

25. Greg and I just bought...wait for it...22.5 DOZEN eggs at Costco and that will last us for 12 days. I usually spend about $700/month (at the VERY least) on groceries...fresh produce and meat ain't cheap!

Now you know way too much about me :)

xoxo

Day 107: Bootylicious Cardio

2010-08-17T18:27:00.005-04:00

After I sent my diet/workout creator my most recent pictures, including this one,:

I got a few funny/motivating emails from him. I had asked him what he thought of my progress based on my most recent pictures and this was his reply, and I quote:

"Thx for the pics, upper body looks like it will be no problem. Legs and booty will need to come down hard to give you a balanced look. You have time and the plan is in place. Work hard and it will happen."

This left me with a few thoughts:

1) I was SO glad to finally hear some kind of update on my progress- both positive and negative. It was nice to hear that I was moving in the right direction and get a clearer picture of what needed work. My upper body has always been stronger and leaner than my lower body, but it was nice for someone to get my ass (no pun intended) in gear.

2) Is my ass really that big?! And if so, why did nobody tell me?! Thanks friends! ;)

3) I think the tan lines and the cut of the suit make my ass look larger than usual, no? I mean, daaaamn, it looks like I've got some junk in the trunk, and that pic makes my ass look even bigger than I thought!

I had to ask this same diet/workout creator a question about my workouts that he sent and after he answered my question, he ended with, and I quote:

"As long as that booty come down, all will be well."

Um. I think I got the message loud and clear that my booty is...err...bootylicious? I know that he just wants my body to look proportionate (meaning my legs and butt aren't significantly bigger than my upper body) and I got that message for sure!

I had to laugh at these comments because I love this man's honesty. It is so refreshing. I would rather him tell me things like that every day rather than just telling me I look alright. And I have to say, those 2 comments have motivated me so much. On Sunday, I didn't want to do a double, and I thought about his comments, and got my ass (again, no pun intended) into my workout pants and to the gym. Today when I was doing my cardio I was able to push myself harder knowing that I was working to improve a specific part of my body. Small goals really help me keep going in tough moments.

My cardio for the next few weeks definitely reflects my need to "bring my booty down." The cardio programs are lots of stepping, running, incline walking, lunging...essentially anything that makes my hamstrings, quads, and glutes burn like they are EN FUEGO! And I love it. I've wanted to improve the look of my legs for a long time and I know that these cardio sessions will work over time. I'm excited to make my butt more bootylicious for those judges in FIVE AND A HALF WEEKS!!!!

PS - I have officially lost 23.5 pounds! Current weight is 120.5! So close!
xoxo

Day 103: GTP: Gym, Tanning, Posing

2010-08-13T21:56:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow marks SIX weeks until my first ever figure competition. In some ways that seems so far, but in most other ways it seems so, so close! I have spent this week lifting, doing cardio, eating, posing, practicing walking in stripper shoes, napping, peeing, and trying to control my thoughts that often run wild.

I'm down to 122.5 lbs now. I have lost a total of 21.5 lbs so far. My moods and thoughts have been all over the place. My brain usually sounds something like this at any given time (no joke): "OMG I'm so tired, I don't know if I can get up this morning. Maybe I can lift later in the day. When's my next meal? Do I need to go to the grocery store again today? Shit, I gotta pee AGAIN. Is this really worth it? Am I going to make a complete fool of myself at this competition? Did I take all my supplments today? Mmmm what should I eat right after the competition? I should practice my posing. Shit, I gotta pee AGAIN. Come on, 15 more minutes of carido, you can do it, then it's dinner time. OMG I get 1 tablespoon of peanut butter today. How am I going to work full time and still keep this up for the last 4 weeks? Was this a bad idea?.....you get the idea.

Sometimes, I feel great, motivated, energetic, positive. And within minutes, I can be on the verge of tears, doubting myself, criticizing everything, exhausted. It's usually the little things that get to me and I spin into negative town...It can be hunger, knee pain, dizziness when I stand up because I'm hungry, can't sleep because of knee pain or constant peeing, can't get warm EVER...but usually once I get food and a nap, I'm back on track. Just like a baby, except in stipper heels.

Speaking of heels. I know you all have been eagerly awaiting a picture of my new sparkly, bedazzled 4 and 3/4 inch babies. So without further adieu, here they are:


Just take a minute to admire the sparkles :)

Oh hello bedazzled pedicure IN the bedazzled heels!

I met with my posing coach this week and she let me try on one of her old 1-piece suits. It fit, except for the chest (my babies are long gone...) but I can get inserts to puff them right back up :) The posing session went well, I think. We worked on my turns and my walk and we discussed tanning.... This seems to be the biggest issue right now because I have some of the WORST tan lines one has ever seen. DON'T judge when you see me in this suit....it's bad! My coach told me to run, not walk, to the nearest tanning bed to even it out but I am TERRIFIED of the tanning bed. I just don't feel right about doing something so dangerous when I've worked so hard to be healthy in this whole process. So, I'm in the process of working on fixing the tan lines...will update with progress.

Here are a few pictures in the 1-piece suit and my bikini. I'm also putting up 2 links to videos that my coach took of me posing and walking...here goes nothin'

And now the videos:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Qg76yCSfG0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r7NBH5tL_BE

So...I think I'm making progress (except for getting rid of the tan lines). I just need to stay in it mentally, stay positive, and keep working hard! If anyone wants the ordering info. for these awesome, bedazzled shoes, just let me know ;)

Thanks again for all your support! SIX MORE WEEKS!!!!

xoxo

Day 99: Traveling

2010-08-09T22:10:00.001-04:00

Sorry I've been a little MIA lately...I have been busy traveling. First, I went to Charlottesville to meet up with my family and my Mara...who rocked out my leg and cardio workout oh heyyyyy (Hi May Ray!). Then, I went to Richmond to visit my sister and her family. And I just got back from an Outer Banks girls trip! Phew! That's a lot of driving...and Tupperware...and random gyms.

All of this traveling has allowed me to do a lot of thinking and discussing and pondering all that has happened in the past 14 or so weeks. As you all know, I don't really like change, so having to go to various gyms in various cities is not really my favorite thing in the world. Once I get used to the gym, though, it's fine. It's just always an adjustment period and then I get back in my routine.

The topic of thought and discussion often revolved around...is this all worth it? Am I happy with my progress? How am I feeling about everything? Well, the quick answer would be yes, yes, and overwhelmed at times. It's really amazing how quickly my moods and outlook on the whole thing change. One minute I'll be on the verge of tears and not really sure that everything is worth all the sacrifices, and then the next minute I'm ready to go back to the gym and bang out another workout. Thankfully, all the people I visited helped me through my weak moments and praised and encouraged me other times.

I think the "is this all worth it" is the most prominent question I have in my mind. And while I think the answer is yes, I'm not really sure I'll know for absolute sure until the whole competition is over. I mean, I know parts of it are definitely worth it, and I know I'm in the best shape of my life, but some days, especially on vacation, just really made me question everything. While most people could pack their beach bag, throw on their suit and go, I was in the kitchen preparing numerous meals in numerous Tupperware containers that would be put in an insulated bag and lugged to the beach (thanks for the bag, Mama!). Then, I have to watch the clock continuously not only to know when to eat but also to plan everything out so that I can make it back to the gym for my 2nd cardio session and time it all right with my meals. I ate a bunch of meals out of Tupperware AT restaurants...luckily the staff didn't care or seem to mind. I ate a bunch of meals (you guessed it, out of Tupperware) both on the way to and from the beach. I cooked a bunch of food while we were there...guess where I stored it all?! :)

The bottom line that I came to was this: Yes, this has been worth it and will continue to be. I made a goal and I am going to reach it. Does it royally suck sometimes? Is it royally inconvenient a lot of the time? Is it mentally exhausting? YES YES YES. But I am doing it. I'm actually doing it. I'm happy with the way things are coming along. What I have also realized, however, is that I started my strict dieting way too early. Most competitors diet for 12 weeks and when I finish I will have dieted (VERY strictly with NO cheats) for 22 weeks (I'll do the math for you, that's almost 6 months). I don't think this can really be healthy and my body is showing signs of that. I'm mentally and physically exhausted. I don't sleep well at night and I hardly ever feel truly rested. I haven't gotten my period in 2 months. I keep getting bruises really easily (maybe need more iron?). I have to ice my knees at least once a day. I have to take 5 fiber pills in order to stay regular (meaning going every OTHER day) because I'm just not consuming that much food...my body is just starting to really feel the effects of everything I am putting it through. But like I said, I'm doing this. I'm reaching my goal, come hell or high water, and then I'll take some time to re-evaluate what I want to do. I hope that all made sense. I guess it is worth it in the end but some days it's just hard to keep motivated and not be sad about the things I'm missing out on. There are ups and downs, but overall it's a worthwhile haul...but I don't think I'll be taking anymore big trips between now and the competition (my Tupperware is getting tired, they told me so).

A few number updates:
6 - number of out-of-town gyms I've worked out in (Dewey, Ocean City, Richmond, Charlottesville, Columbus OH, and Nags Head)
6.5 - number of weeks left
20 - number of pounds lost
124.0 - current weight
10 - number of times I'm in the gym a week
12 - number of egg whites I eat a DAY
3 - number of eggs I dropped on the floor today :(
18 - ounces of MEAT I eat a day...yummmmmy!! Carnivore all the way, baby!
2 gallons - amount of water I *try* to drink each day
2 - current pant/skirt/dress size
1 - pair of clear, bedazzled 4 and 3/4 inch heels sitting next me (whole post on them coming soon!)

Thanks to everyone I visited for all of your support and help and patience and flexibility. I know my schedule, both eating and working out, is not easy but I appreciate you all more than you know.

xoxo

Day 87: Posing Part 2: I Know I Need More Muscle...Hurumph

2010-07-28T18:20:00.002-04:00

While I was at the posing session (a week ago), a discussion came up about whether I would be better in a bikini competition or a figure competition at this point in my "career." She (the posing coach) explained bikini to me as "the cover of Shape magazine" whereas a figure competitor would be "the cover of Oxygen or Muscle and Fitness." She said I would probably be ready for a bikini competition in August and was not sure I'd be ready for a figure competition in September....... this began sounding allllll too familiar. This is essentially what happened to me back in the early spring when I was basically told (my someone else) I needed more muscle before I began cutting weight. In the spring, this led me to give up my figure competition training and I headed straight to the Cheesecake Factory.

So, I was encouraged that she thought I would be ready for bikini, but discouraged that I still didn't have enough freakin' muscle for figure! At this point, it was kind of a catch because I can't really gain muscle while cutting weight...right now, I'm basically cutting weight to bring out the definition in the muscle that I already have. So, I was left with 5 options:
1) Just go ahead with the September 25th figure competition as planned and see how it goes.
2) Just do the bikini competition in August.
3) Do both.
4) Bulk and gain muscle for a few months and then try for a competition in the spring of 2011
5) Run, not walk, to the Cheesecake Factory

The posing coach, who I really liked, told me to take some pictures, send them to Mike (the guy who does my workouts and diet), and see what his thoughts were. Then, I would figure out a plan and get back in touch with the posing coach to go from there. I sent this email on Wednesday and while I waited for a reply, I did some soul-searching, if you will, about what I wanted to do, regardless of what anyone else thought I should or shouldn't do. I'm not going to lie, I did consider option #5 for a hot second. Then I scratched that. Then, I started doing some research on bikini competitions and what I found I was not very impressed with. It just wasn't me. For a lot of reasons. But mainly because I am just set on doing figure--I like that physique and that has been my goal now for about 8 months. So, that left me with option #1 or option #4. I talked to Greg, my mom, and friends about the pros and cons of both and then I went to bed. In the end, I had to decide what I wanted to do. I'm quickly learning that there are so many people in this sport who give you advice and opinions and ideas, but in the end, you have to sort through it all and figure out what is right for you.

So.... I woke up the next morning and knew that option number ONE was my choice. I hadn't heard back from Mike. I hadn't talked to my posing coach again. I just knew that I had worked my ass off for a long time, I had this September 25th goal in my mind, and I could always be waiting for my body to be more ready than it is now (or will be in 9 weeks). I also know that this show is through a much smaller organization and, I think, a little less competitive than the big, major organizations, so it will be a perfect show to get "my feet wet" and learn all the ins and outs of this sport. Everybody has to start somewhere, so why not in Henrico County, Virginia on Septemeber 25th? I have to reach this goal. I just have to do it and see how it goes. I think I will forever regret it if I don't. (I did eventually hear back from Mike and he said that I have more of a figure body and if I did bikini the judges would probably say I had too much muscle. I was glad I had made my decision before he said this, but the affimation was nice too).

While it is challenging to have not really had one person in the figure world say, "Wow, you have great potentional for figure" or "Your body will get there," I know that my body is getting better and better everyday and I know that all of YOU support me so diligently! I cannot explain how much everyone's kind words have helped me push through and stay motivated. You all are absolutely, amazingly wonderful to be so supportive every day and I honestly think I would have given up if it weren't for you all.

I will continue to work to stay in the figure world. I enjoy lifting. I enjoy the sport. And I will get more muscle, damnit! :)

Oh, and I have another posing session tomorrow! I really like the posing coach, she is a HUGE help!! Greg can't come so I don't know if I will get any more pics in my sweet, black heels, but I'll let you know how it goes!!

xoxoxo

Day 84: Posing Part 1: Holy Uncomfortable Poses, Batman!

2010-07-25T21:10:00.001-04:00

Everyone I've talked to who has competed in a figure/bodybuilding shows has said that it doesn't matter how physically ready you are prior to the show if you have not practiced your poses multiple, multiple times. I've even heard that some competitors with a better physique may place lower than someone with a worse physique because their posing was not as good. It seems like this would be untrue, but after having my first, 1-on-1 posing session with a professional figure competitor, I can believe how crucial every, single movement and placement of your body is when it comes down to the judging.

At first, I was a little embarrassed to be standing in a yoga/pilates room (filled with mirrors), in my Target bikini and some cheap, black heels that were not even close to what I would have to wear. But my posing coach, who I liked, really helped me relax and just started taking me through everything I needed to know. It was all very overwhelming because there are different poses for different organizations, so what you practice really depends on the exact show that you're competing in. It was a lot to take in, but it was a very beneficial introductory session.

What I found most surprising was a) like I said, how much information you have to remember about every move and pose, and b) how FREAKING uncomfortable holding those poses really is! At the shows I've watched, the women look so relaxed and make their poses seem so easy. Let me just tell you, my back was sore for FOUR days after posing! By the end of the session my face was beat red and I was sweating...from posing!! It was incredible to me how I had to think about how every part of my body was engaged in each pose, and then just when I kind of got the pose, I was being taught how to transition to the next pose. The whole thing was a whirlwind experience but it really got me on the right track so that I can practice these poses for the next 9 weeks.

Here are some pictures that Greg took of me at the session and then some more pictures I took when I got home so I could send them to Mike (my diet/workout coach). I obviously still need some work on my posing, but it's much better than before!

PLEASE check out my black heels circa 2000...just look, don't judge :)

Just for fun, let's see a comparison:

Oh boy! Well, here's to more posing and more improvements! I have a whole 'nother post about posing/what came from my posing session, so stay tuned!!!!

Thanks for all your love and support!! xoxoxo

Day 81: Fitness Fashion!

2010-07-22T10:48:00.001-04:00

The topics on this blog have been a little...heavy (no weight pun intended)...so today I'm lightening it up and showing you all some samples of my fitness fashion. I do have another big post about how my posing session went yesterday, but I'm gonna keep it light and fun today!

Now, most mornings, I simply grab whatever tank top, pants/shorts, and bra that ~~doesn't smell like a ball of sweat~~ is clean. Most all of my socks are white, except for the occasional gray pair, so those take little to no time at all. As I've worked out more and more, though, I have realized that I do thoroughly enjoy a cute little workout outfit. I'm not one to spend tons of money on workout clothes, but every time I go to Target I seem to find a reason to swing by the workout department and browse for a new, cute, fitness piece.

So for you, my dear and loyal blog readers who have been SO supportive and wonderful, I took some (hideous) pictures. I even posed...with some props. Please don't mind my face/head, I haven't showered yet from my morning workout (yesisitaroundinmyownsweatforawhilesomedaysdontjudge). I'll group the pictures for you according to clothing piece (i.e. tank tops, shorts, etc.) Hope you enjoy :)

I used to wear T-shirts to the gym all the time. Now, I very rarely wear a T-shirt, especially if I'm lifting. I get most of my tank tops from Target and they are usually Champion brand. Some have a built-in-bra, which I used to hate (youknowwheniactuallyHADboobsbecauseitmadethetoptootight), but now I don't mind so much. I've also gotten a couple (the green one) at Old Navy. I really like the Champion ones with the ventilation on the side (1st pic), you know, so my HUGE boobs can breathe? I also am alright with patterns...some mornings not so much, but other days I can appreciate a nice, little pattern, just to spice things up :)

Here is me posing in a few of my fave tank tops.

Here is a picture of some of my tanks. It's not all of them, but they represent what I wear pretty much every day.

Now onto the bottoms. This is where I have a little bit of an issue. I do not like full length pants, they bother me and always shrink up any way so I'm constantly tugging them down. So, I started buying capri workout pants, which are OK. But I'm getting kind of sick of the capri pants that flare at the bottom, I don't know why. But I still wear those some days. My favorite pair is the Nike ones because they are capris but tight all the way down. Holds everything in nice and tight (that's what she said). I have, wait for it, started wearing shorts much more frequently. I even went out and bought 2 pair of those tight booty shorts to wear for when I do legs and cardio. The shorts are alright. Still tug them down often, which is annoying, especially on a treadmill. Anyways, here are some photos of different kinds of pants and shorts I wear (there may be some duplicates from above, sorry I do what I can).

So these are the classic capris with the slight flair that I wear a lot. Only have them in black and 1 pair of gray.

I got these shorts at the Nike outlet. Love them. They have pockets, which I guess is nice, but I haven't really figured out what to put in those pockets while working out...thoughts?

These are my new tight shorts. They're Saucony brand from a running store. They're aiiiight. They ride up a little, which is kinda annoying.

Here are my pants and shorts I wear to the gym:

The next 2 fashion pieces I have for you all is what goes on underneath (rawr) and what goes on on top...

Sports bras are pretty awesome. I mean, they hold everything in place, you can get them in various colors, they last a long time...I really have lost a lot of my chest since losing weight, but these trusty sports bras seem to have adapted and still (mostly) fit. They are getting a little old, but bras are pretty expensive, so I usually wear them until the elastic is non-existent. Here are a few of my bras. As you can see, I really like the Nike bras. I've had 1 from Target, which was average, and 1 of these is Adidas, which is fine as well. But I really like the Nike ones, they're cute, tight, and last. And they don't judge you on the size of your boobs...too bad more men aren't like a good sports bra, huh?

Every morning, even when it's 85 degrees outside, I wear some kind of cover up to the gym because they feel the need to BLAST freezing cold air at 5am. Every fan is turned on and the air is PUMPIN'! So, until I get good and warmed up, I keep on some kind of cover up. I mean, I'm not trying to show everyone in the gym how I could cut class through my trusty sports bra and my cute top...gotta cover those babies up until they're good and warm. These are a few of my cover ups. I also have a pink one that shrunk in the wash and a couple black ones. I've been going for white recently though, not sure why. Don't worry, I don't judge on color, right Greg? ;) Annnnyways, I've gotten a few of these at Target, 1 at the Nike out, and various other places. I love a good hoodie. I wear them around the house all the time, too. My recent favorite is the sheer one I got at Target (blurry picture). It's a long sleeve hoodie but very thin, good for summer!

This is my trusty water bottle I use everyday, and sometimes I even wash it.

This is my new gym bag. I'll do a post on its contents soon.

One day, I'll show you all the pairs of sneakers I've had and some hair accesories. Don't get too excited!!

Hope you enjoyed the clothes :) If anyone wants to further my Target addiction, I will gladly accept gift cards or cash donations and I promise I will spend it on fitness goodies!

xoxo

Day 77: Overtaken

2010-07-18T19:33:00.000-04:00

This post may be a little all over the place just because I have a lot on my mind about the whole training/dieting/competition thing.

I have realized that this whole goal of mine (doing, and being competitive, in a figure competition) has officially taken over my life. One of my goals before starting this was to try to maintain my "normal" social life and continue on with life as I knew it. FAIL. I have realized that this goal is impossible because I basically have a new life(style) and with that comes many new things.

For those of you who know me well, you know that I hate and despise change and everything that it entails. I am a routine person and could do the same thing every day at the same time in the same way. I'm one of those people that is OK sitting on the couch all day. I don't need to be completing chores or tasks. I'm OK with just "being" as long as no one asks me to change. I have quickly realized that I am undertaking one of the biggest changes I have gone through in my adult life. I have changed physically, mentally, socially, emotionally, and I'm not sure how I feel about all this change.

Physically, I've lost 18.5 pounds and at least 1 to2 dress sizes (4 or 6 to a 0 or 2). I've gone from a 34 full C cup to a 32 B cup (why do the good things always go first?!?). I've had to buy a lot of new clothes and/or been spotted in a lot of elastic pants. I'm OK with this though. ME LOVES ELASTIC!

Mentally and emotionally, I'm a bit of a mess, honestly. I'm having a really hard time deciding if all of the sacrifices are worth it. Most of the sacrifices deal with not being able to eat/drink at fun events (why does it seem like eating and drinking [alcohol] make events significantly better?! Is that problematic?!) When I take a drive through Negative Town, these are the thoughts that run through my head: why am I giving up so much for 1 competition? Are all of the sacrifices worth what I'm missing out on? Am I missing out on things? Am I even going to be competitive with these other women or am I going to make a total fool out of myself.....

Socially, I feel like I don't even really have a life anymore. I am exhausted ALL the time. When I do "go out," which usually means showing up somewhere for about an hour or so sipping on my water bottle, I feel like I'm there, but not really there. I mean, I want to be there and I want to see people and I want to be social. But often, while I am there, all I can think about it how tired/sore/hungry I am and how much I just want to go home and be a recluse. Most people my age are out eating and drinking and staying out until 2am only to do it all over again the next night. I, on the other hand, usually have a protein shake around 8pm and then call it a night. I don't want to be seen as "lame" and I definitely don't want people to think I don't want to be hanging out with them. But, this whole process and lifestyle change has completely and utterly taken over my life. Also, I haven't really met a ton of people who are in this sport, so not many people I know are going through these same changes that I am.

I don't know how to reconcile my "old" life with this "new" life. And I know that I don't really want all of this to just be a phase. I love training and exercising and being fit. Of course, it won't always have to be this rigid and strict, but is my old life gone forever? Is this new lifestyle my real, new life? If so, how do I fit them together?

As I've mentioned before, this is a very lonely sport. I have a lot of time with me, my ipod, and my thoughts. That gets very overwhelming and kinda depressing after awhile. I know I have people who support me and are there to listen to me complain and are there to say the most wonderfully, nice things. And I SO appreciate that. I think it's just hard for me to really be undertaking this whole process by myself. I have to get to the gym early in the morning and later in the evening. I have to eat the way I'm supposed to. I have to push myself each and every time I'm at the gym. I have to *try* and stay positive in my head so that I can continue making progress. I have to do a lot of this on my own.

Other than change, I hate being alone more than anything. So, for the past couple weeks my whole life has changed (because of the new workout plan and stricter diet) and I've spent a TON of time by myself. This makes for a nervous, emotional, doubting, moody (whole post coming about this soon) future figure competitor.

After a long talk with my mom (hi mama!) and Greg (xoxo), I came to the following conclusions and got my head on a little straighter:
* if when I go through with this competition, I have to stay positive and remember the reasons I'm doing this competition to begin with.
* change is OK. Change is good, it just takes time and readjusting.
* now I see why the people on the Biggest Loser cry ALL the time (them bitches are hungry, moody, tired, scared...) and why they have to completely revamp their lives when they leave the ranch and go home.
* I have to realize I'm doing the best I can do each day and that's all I can do right now.
* I can't blame my moodiness on PMS for too much longer...
* I will find a balance between my "old" and "new" lives, and the people who support me will be there no matter what.
* I need to find more ladies in the figure/fitness/bodybuilding world who I can get to know and hang out with so I don't feel so alone in all of this. Anybody? Bueller? We can ~~go to dinner~~ sit and eat out of our Tupperware containers and drink lots of ~~cocktails~~ water. Doesn't that sound enticing?! Any takers?!

I know I can do this. I will do this. Thanks for all the kind words, they mean more than you will ever know, especially during this huge lifestyle change!

xoxo
R

Day 71: Support!

2010-07-12T19:34:00.000-04:00

I have officially reached the half way point. 11ish week down, 11ish weeks to go. Sometimes it feels like, "WHAT?! It's only been 11 weeks?!" And other times it feels like, "CRAP, I need 50 more weeks to get ready!" It just depends on the day.

Overall, I feel pretty good about my progress. I'm 127lbs. I've lost 17lbs. I can definitely see changes and I can feel that I'm still continuing to get stronger. I've been on the new program I talked about for a week and it is INTENSE. In the mornings I lift for about 45-60 minutes followed by about 40ish minutes of cardio. Then, I come back in the evenings for a cardio/abs session. I'm in the gym 11 times a week...yeah, think of the sweaty laundry! Oh, and my exhausted body :) The first week was definitely an adjustment period, but I think I can keep it up, especially because it's summer and I don't have a full day of work in between workouts.

What has truly become the most important, helpful, awesome motivator for me is the support of so many people. I can't even explain how kind and wonderful so many people have been to me about this whole process--especially people who have seen me transform from the beginning. But I'm going to try to explain. I know that I'm doing this for me, but damn is it nice to hear the nice and supportive things that people have to say!

Random people from the gym who have seen me over the past couple months have made nice comments, friends have encouraged me and told me they think I look great and am making great progress. My family asks me every day about my workouts and encourages me to keep going. People comment on this blog and on Facebook with supportive words (Allison R. you win for blog supporter...thanks girl!!!!) Numerous people have told me they definintely want to come and see Greg and I at our show, which is above and beyond anything I would've expected. I say all of this not because I think I look awesome or because I think I'm entirely ready for this competition. I say this because without all of YOU, I'm honestly not sure I would've made it this far.

So, thank you, thank you, thank you for: inspiring, motivating, encouraging, and pushing me to reach this goal. Thank you for: understanding that I have to travel with approximately 75 tupperware containers at all times, understanding that although I love all of you, and I'm trying to maintain a normal social life, I just can't keep up with my old social life (maybe 1 day...), asking me questions about my diet and exercise because you are genuinely interested in what I'm doing, telling me that I inspire you to make changes in your life. Just, thank you. Please know that on days I don't want to workout and I don't to step foot in the freakin' gym, I think of all the people who are supporting me and are expecting to see some damn good results at the end of this :)

This is a "sport" that can often be so isolating. Just you, your ipod, weights, and cardio machines. That can get very, very old. So to have other competitors in my life who encourage me, and to have all of you who help me stay positive and focused, it's crucial.

I have to give a special shout out to 2 people who see/deal with me every day of their bloody lives. Greg and Shea. You guys are troopers. You both have been there, at 5 in the morning, for months and months to help me not only physically as spotters, but more importantly as my mental/emotional rocks. I know 5am doesn't always bring out the best in me (no comments, boys), and I know sometimes my complaints must get old (I'm getting much better!).

Greg has prepared and portioned out all of my food for me this entire time. That has taken one of the biggest loads off my back. He has been in the gym with me 3 times a week and at home with me every day. He's encouraged me when I cried (especially after my 1st ever group posing session where I felt like the biggest, yet least muscular, tool to ever roam this earth), he's been stern with me when I'm being a big puss, and he's been understanding of my complete exhaustion. To go through this with Greg has been so helpful. Of course it's not always easy, but it's so crucial for me to have this support day in and day out.

Shea, while he gets a break from me during the days, has been with me every morning (except when he doesn't hear his 5 alarms in the morning ;) ). Shea and I are essentially going through the same process...while he won't be decked out in stripper heals and a bikini, he is trying to make a lifestyle change, and that is frickin' hard! We have many of the same frustrations, worries, annoyances, and excitement when we see growth and change in our bodies. Thank you, Shea, for all of your support, for getting on the "lame" elliptical next to me just to keep me company, for not killing me when I doodle in your workout book, for being there to listen to the peaks and the valleys of this whole thing. Don't worry, soon your body will officially be a triangle and your shoulders and arms will be so huge you won't fit through any doors, Brock Lesnar style ;)

Thank you, everyone! I honestly could not do this without all of you. I do have a lot of internal motivation, but the external is so, so helpful. Keep it coming! WE're only half way ;)

xoxo
R

Day 62: Final Stretch!

2010-07-03T16:56:00.001-04:00

Wow! So much has happened in the past week and a half...I won't bore you will all of the exact specifics but here some highlights/thoughts/worries etc:

*I participated in my first ever figure boot camp put on by Mike Davies at Fitness First. It was essentially a weekend of intense workouts and information sessions to help competitors learn everything they need to know. It was probably one of the best experiences I've had while training. Mike, himself, was just what I need...a good kick in the ass! My favorite quote of his was: "If you ask me if your jeans make your ass look big, I'm going to say, 'No. Your fat ass makes your ass look big in your jeans.'" Honesty, baby! LOVE it!
*I had the opportunity to meet some amazingly wonderful, supportive, and in-shape ladies! A lot of them were local, so it was really nice to make some connections and know that there are other people out there who are going through the same process I am.
*I felt good during the workouts. They were definitely challenging, but I felt prepared for them. We did lots of different exercises, both lifting and cardio, and I learned a lot!
*The posing part of the weekend...well, that was another story. Let's just say, I was 1 of about 25 women, standing around in a bikini (not a posing suit because I don't have one yet) and some heels, in a freezing cold room. I was, by far, the least musclar person in the room and was obviously a novice. In fact, Mike called me "Fresh Fish." It was a great information session, but it was embarassing, I think mostly because I was so new to the whole thing and the other women were so much more experienced. I just felt really unprepared for that portion but as I learned more and practiced I started feeling a little better. I know I can't be too hard on myself...I've been doing this for a few months while a lot of people have been doing this for years...

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*After 3 days of camp, which was exhausting but SO wonderful, I headed to Ocean City for a few days. To say I was tired would be an understatement. The first day there I took 2 separate naps...my body was dead! I found a local gym down there and lifted 1 of the mornings and did cardio 1 of the mornings. It was hard to be out of my element and routine, but it was a nice break too. I realized that watching people eat and drink around me is getting harder and harder. Let me just tell you a few of the delicious/disgusting items that could be found on the OC boardwalk, mmmmk? K. Boardwalk fries, caramel and candy apples, fried oreos, fried cheesecake bites, any and all kinds of ice cream (*DROOL*), all kinds of flavored popcorn...I could on, but let me just stop...

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*This past week was my "maintenance week." Essentially, I was just attempting to maintain my weight and give my body a little break because....today marks TWELVE little weeks until the competition! I know that sounds like a long time (yeah, it's the whole summer), but, trust me, I need 12 more weeks to get ready!! I am technically in the last phase of this whole training program. It will be tough for the first 8 weeks and then crucial for the last 4. I'm ready. Bring it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*I learned a few things in the past week or so:
-Getting to know other people in my same boat is so important and I'm so grateful I met such awesome people.
-I am doing this competition regardless. I know I may not be the best, more perfected competitor, but I'm going to give it my best shot.
-I want to be competitive in this competition. Yes, I want to do it and say I've completed it. But, I'm past that point now...I want to give those other girls a run for their money.
-I need more muscle. Will have to do the best I can with what I've got for now!
-I need help with posing...holy moly!
-I need confidence up there! A huge part of this whole thing is having confidence in your training, in your body, in everything you've done to prepare.
-I need a new bladder. Seriously. I don't think I could pee more if I tried. Example: I stopped to pee 3 times during a 3 hour ride to Ocean City...thanks for understanding, Tanno!!

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*Lastly, a few numbers for you:)
-12: weeks left
-84: days left
-129.5: current weight
-14.5: weight lost (so close to 15!)
-10-15ish: weight that still needs to be lost
-16oz.: amount of chicken I brought on a 3.5 day beach trip
-600g: amount of sweet potatos I brought to the beach
-520g: amount of protein powder I brought to the beach
-8: the number of tupperware containers I brought to the beach
-42: the number of eggs I eat in a week (that's 3.5 dozen per week...)
-3: the number of times I've eaten out...you know, at a restaurant, this week!!!!! Wheeeeee!
-20ish: trips to the bathroom each day...can't be a figure competitor and be weary of public restrooms...I have now peed in alllll kinds of places (including the freezing, cold ocean...don't judge, it was a long walk to the boardwalk)!! (this also becomes kinda pricey at home as far as toilet paper goes...)

**Here are my most recent pics. Please notice the huge tray of freshly baked chicken on the stove...haha, typical!

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Thanks again for EVERYONE who has been so wonderfully supportive. You have no idea how your kind words have helped me continue on this crazy journey :) THANKS! THANKS! THANKS!

XOXO

Day 53: Roller Coaster of a Week

2010-06-17T22:03:00.000-04:00

First, here are some lifting pics from a few weeks ago (no idea how to format so they're kinda all over the place). I'm slow about uploading pictures, sorry. I will try to be better about pics :)

*********************
The past week has been such a weird, emotional roller coaster. My monthly friend is coming to visit next week so I'm sure that plays a role in all of the emotions, but here are my thoughts/questions over the past week.

So, last Thursday I hurt my back and I was thoroughly bummed out for numerous reasons:
1) My lifts had been going so well lately and I felt strong and this seemed like an annoying road block.
2) No lifting = less food = unhappy, cranky Rachel.
3) I missed Saturday's workout, which is legs, and is my most important and most necessary lift of the week.

On Friday, as I lay around catching up on The Real Housewives, The Hills, Rambo, etc. I became a little depressed about the whole situation and then I started questionting everything. I started asking myself: why am I putting my body through this torture? I'm probably not even going to place in this competition, so why am I risking more injury for this whole thing? Is all of this worth it--the pain, the sacrifice, the injury?

After I quit sulking, took some muscle relaxers (that basically made me drunk for about 15 hours), and iced my back, I started thinking about why it was that I did want to do this competition to begin with. It wasn't about winning the competition, or even placing. It wasn't about being the best. It was about getting into the best shape of my life and achieving this goal that I set out to achieve. My body will be fine and, at this moment, it really does all feel worth it. I feel good, strong, healthy, and am already in the best shape I've been in in the past 10ish years.

I lifted Monday morning, but very cautiously. My back and neck hurt when I look down or to the side quickly. It just feels very tight. I was annoyed that I had to be so cautious and that I wasn't able to lift as much as usual. But as the week progressed, a few positives came out of the whole situation: 1) I realized that getting up and exercising actually loosens up my back muscles and makes them feel better (the prescription anti-inflammatory and muscle relaxers help :) ) and 2) I have started paying much more attention to my form when I lift. I hadn't realized how much I use my back when I'm not supposed to be, and how much I jerk my neck when I'm not supposed to be. I had to lower the weights some, but I was doing the exercises more strictly and with better form.

Thennnn, I was randomnly talking to this trainer at my gym and asked him if he knew any local figure competitors/trainers who could help me with posing/preparing for the show. He told me that there was actually a 3-day figure/fitness/bodybuilding "boot camp" that was happening in the Arlington branch of my gym. GIGGITY! I spoke with one of the ladies who would be helping with the camp, who is also a figure competitor, and she said this camp would be perfect for me since it's my first competition. The camp gives information on strength and cardio training, nutrition tips, posing and routines...everything!

I, then, had this internal, emotional struggle with the whole competition thing. It was the same struggle I had when I was prepping for my 1st triathlon. Do I train half-ass and just finish or do I go the extra mile, which usually means more money, more energy, and more sacrifices to reach the goal, and actually be competitive and do it all to my full potential?

I regretted just finishing the triathlon. I didn't really train, I didn't invest in a good bike or a nice wet suit...I just did it attempted to finish. I did finish but was not really competitive.

Talking with this trainer and hearing about this camp made me realize that I don't want to half-ass this whole process. Not that I am half-assing it now, but it made me realize that I am already making so many sacrifices (financially, socially, etc) that I really should go the extra mile and really attempt to try to be competitive at this competition. Talking about this camp gave me the boost that I've been needing the past few weeks. I need something to get be re-excited for the last phase of this training program. I need something to help me know I'm on the right track and can finish this out. I am so excited to learn new information and meet some fellow competitors in an often isolating/independent sport.

So that about caps off the ups and downs of the week...I think some questioning is normal, especially when prepping for a first competition, but I have to remember that so much of this is mental. I have to stay positive and I have to remember that I'm doing this for me and only me, and regardless of the outcome I have done whatever I could to reach my goal.

Greg always tells me to "trust the process" and that's what I'm doing...wherever the process may take me :)

Woah, that was kinda long...lots on my mind. It's so late for me! (10:00pm!). Gotta get up early for abs and cardio!

xoxo

Day 49: Rough weekend but chuggin along

2010-06-13T16:22:00.000-04:00

Just a quick update...
-Weigh 132.5, have lost 11.5 lbs total.
-7 weeks overall completed, 5 of the 8-week cut completed.
-Haven't worked out since Wednesday.
-Going to the orthopedist tomorrow morning so she can look at my back and neck, hopefully take some x-rays and see what the issue is. Hoping it's just muscular.
-Have basically been bathing in icy hot and ibuprofen, sitting on a heating pad as I type...
-This injury has really bummed me out and has seemed to make every other piece of this journey more difficult this week. Hoping it's just a phase.
-Still eating well, eating less food now that I can't workout. This makes me cranky.
-Had a GREAT time at Kat's DC bachelorette party. This makes me happy :)

Will update after the doctor tomorrow.
xoxo

Day 46: Clothing, Confidence, Injuries

2010-06-10T18:22:00.001-04:00

It's amazing how quickly all of these days, weeks, and phases are flying by. I can't believe it's already been 46 days. Here are a few stats/updates from the past week or so.
-Weight: 133.5, have lost 10.5 lbs. total
-In the middle of week 6 overall, in the middle of week 4 of my 8-week cut.
-4 weeks to go until this phase is finished...then, the home stretch.

****
So, people who know me, know that I verrrrry rarely wear shorts. I have always been OK with the front of my legs but I've always hated the back of my legs. (I don't think I need to remind you of what cellulite looks like...). My legs were never even really that cellulite-y, but I just haven't really been comfortable wearing shorts in many years, so...I don't.

As I started losing weight, losing inches, and gaining more muscle, I started to become more comfortable with my body in general. I started wearing things, like tank tops, more often than I previously had. I realized that my legs were getting in much better shape and I was tired of staring at my baggy workout pants (which are all 3/4 length) in the ever-present gym mirrors. In one sense I wanted to show off the progress I had made on my legs, and in another sense I wanted to be able to see my legs better so that I could see what areas still needed work. So I did it. I bought a frickin' pair of shorts. And I wore them to the gym. OMG. Of course I had one of the worst, and most awkward, sunburns of my life on my thighs, so I'm sure that distracted some attention from the back of my legs. Anyhoo, I actually felt pretty good in the shorts. I was proud that I was wearing them and I was ever more proud that I was OK with the fact that I was wearing them.

I realized that, for me, clothing choices and growing confidence are kind of a chicken-egg situation: I mean, what came first? Did I start putting on outfits that looked better than before, thus making me more confident? Or did I become more confident in my body changes, thus becoming more daring with my clothing choices? I don't really know. I guess I probably became more confident in my body changes and started trying on things I either haven't worn in a few seasons or things that I wouldn't usually wear. I think it really helped that a lot of the things in my closet have become too big for me to wear. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not, all of a sudden, like some slutty hooker-type, strutting around in skin tight outfits. I just found that it was interesting the confidence that I seemed to have gained from being able to wear new outfits. I'm proud of my transformation that has happened so far, and I think that shows in some of my clothing choices. I'll try to take some pics of some of my gym, and real-life outfits for you all :)

****
I had made it 6.5 weeks without a serious injury...until this morning. I was doing powerlifts (think Crossfit) and on my second exercise I did a push press (barbell over my head, arms straight), and I felt a twinge in my back. I did one more rep and I was done like a Thanksgiving turkey. I sat down for a few minutes, couldn't really look down or look left without pain shooting down my back, cried a couple silent tears, and went home. I tried to take a hot bath but I just couldn't get comfortable, so I showered, got ready for school, dropped 1/2 dozen eggs on the floor, tried to clean it up (just hoping I would make it back up off the floor), and drove to school without being able to turn my head to the left (thank goodness for turn signals). One of my co-workers gave me a huge ibuprofen (thanks Selinda!!) and that really helped during the day. I had to stand pretty erect (hehe) most of the day because that felt the best. Now I'm home and Greg put lots of icy hot on my back. It's really just the top 1/3 of my back, mostly on the left and at the base of my neck on my spine. I'm hoping it's just a bad muscle pull/irriation and will heal quickly. I think I'll be laid up tomorrow and will obviously not be at the gym tomorrow. I was supposed to do cardio tomorrow, rest Saturday, and lift legs Sunday, but obviously that has changed. I'm currently stuck in my recliner chair, hoping I'll be able to at least crawl up the stairs in a couple hours so I can go to bed...will keep you posted!

****
Thanks again for everyone's support. Everyone's comments, whether here or in person, mean so much to me. I couldn't do this without all of you!!

Day 37: Sacrifices

2010-06-01T19:17:00.000-04:00

First, here are some more number stats for where I am right now:
-Initial 2 weeks done.
-3 weeks of the 8-week cut done.
-9.5 pounds lost
-Went from 144.0 to 134.5
-Have completed more than I did the first time I tried to train for this competition and have lost more weight in these 5 weeks than the first 5 weeks of last time.

This past weekend, I went to Dewey Beach. I started the weekend thinking it was going to be realllly difficult to measure out all my food and eat out of tupperware while everyone else was housing cheesesteaks and pizza. And it was. But by the end of the weekend, I realized a few things: a) it wasn't really that hard (especially because we stayed in a house with a kitchen and Greg helped me prepare lots of my food) and b) to be successful in all of this, I'm going to have to make lots of sacrifices, so it doesn't really help to complain about it, but rather suck it up and do it...and realize that the sacrifices really are worth it.

I had to lift legs on Saturday at a random gym in Rehobeth and I had to go do abs and cardio at that same, random gym on Monday before everyone else was even awake. While I cursed the fact that I had to do this, especially on my vaca, I very soon realized that I felt better after lifting and I really started to feel as though the sacrifices were worth it. They are just part of the deal. I guess I kind of knew this subconsciously before starting this whole thing, but weekends like this make me truly aware of the sacrifices I'm making to do this.

Here are a few from the weekend: no drinking (AT DEWEY BEACH, PEOPLE), no eating out (except for 1 salad with no dressing), watching people around me eating and drinking whatever they wanted, going to bed at a decent time so I could get up to work out, using time to prepare food, taking multiple meals with me wherever I went, and the worst...no ice cream (you know, creamy, mint chocolate chip with hot fudge while strolling on the board walk *drool*).

As I was lifting on Saturday, I looked up and saw the slogan for the gym. In huge letters it read, "THE DIFFERENCE IS DISCPLINE." Ok, kinda cheesy, I know. But it really is true! And it kind of hit home with me that morning when the sun was (briefly) shining and all I wanted to be doing was sitting at the beach or playing corn hole, sipping a cocktail. I realized that I signed up for this and come September I will be so glad I made the sacrifices I did and stayed disciplined through it all. It's not always easy to realize this, especially since it's only JUNE. But since I've been seeing results both in the gym and on the scale, all of the sacrifices are beginning to feel worth it...even if that means missing out on some things in life momentarily.

Will update soon :)
xoxo

Day 30: Numbers Part Deux: Weight

2010-05-25T20:49:00.000-04:00

Weight is always a touchy subject. I understand why, but it still bothers me that it's so hard to talk about weight. I guess some people like to keep such things personal, some people are embarrassed, and maybe some people just don't really care about the number on the scale. Well, with my fitness goal a la moment, it's pretty impossible for me not to care about the number on the scale...each...and....every...morning.

I weigh 137.0 lbs and I'm tired of not talking about it.

Some people may think I look heavier, some may think I look lighter, some may not really give a damn. But it bothers me how important the scale is to me. I know I'm strong. I know I'm eating healthier than 99% of the people I know. I know I'm trying my best at this whole thing. But I can't stop thinking about losing numbers. And it's annoying. And it's even more annoying that nobody really talks about weight. It's always just, "Oh sh*t, I gained 5 pounds." Or, "Yes! I lost 7 pounds." But the actual weight number is really never mentioned. And what's even more annoying is that so many people don't even try to lose weight and they weigh less than I do. This bothers me because I know, that for the rest of my life, I will always have to watch the scale and think about my weight. I will always have to try hard to be fit and I will always be talking about the number on the scale.

I weigh 137.0 lbs, damnit.

I have 17 more pounds to lose in the next 5 months in order to be competitive at this competition, and I think I can get there, but worrying about my weight in my head all the time is going to get verrrrry old.

I know a lot of you are thinking, "Oh, it's muscle and muscle weighs more than fat." {insert incorrect buzzer noise} If you are working out and cutting your calories, it's near impossible to gain weight. Women, on average, who workout and diet hard, can only gain an average of 1-2 pounds of muscle per month. So chances are the extra lbs aint muscle ifyouknowwhati'msayin.....

I weigh 137.0 lbs and I wonder how much of it is muscle.

I'm tired of thinking about weight but I know I have to. I'm tired of not talking about weight, but who really discusses actual weight numbers as an every day conversation? Some days I want to just shout my weight so I don't have to keep it bottled up. Some days I'm ashamed of it. Some days I just want to vent about the fact that my life has become consumed with numbers and one of those numbers I see on a scale every morning. I have taken some measurements and I'll post those on a "Numbers Part 3/final" post soon.

I know it's not all about the scale. I know I'm doing this the right way. But sometimes I just get tired of silently worrying about my weight (well, silent except for complaining to a select few ;) ) and wondering if I can actually get to my goal weight.

I weight 137.0 lbs and I want to be able to talk about all aspects of weight and weight loss and all the numbers involved in this process.

In case you missed it, I weight 137.0 lbs right now. We'll see what the morning brings! Speaking of numbers, it's 8:45, 15 minutes passed my bedtime (that means I'll get about 7:45 minutes of sleep, get up at 4:45 and eat 3.0 ounces of banana before I lift....tooooo many nuummmmbeeerrrsssssssss!!!)

Speak your weight proudly! We're all in this together, whether you're trying to lose weight or not. We all think about it and, at some point, we all need to talk about it.

4 weeks and 2 days DONE! 19 weeks and 5 days to go :)

xoxo

Day 21: Numbers

2010-05-16T20:22:00.000-04:00

Sometimes it feels like my life is constantly being measured in numbers. Here are some numbers in my head at the moment:

-3 weeks finished (21 days)
-21 days of being extremely tired
-21 weeks left (147 days...oy!)
-6 pounds lost
-$210 spent on groceries this month
-$160 spent at bodybuilding.com for protein powder this month
-5:00am wake up time
-8:30pm bedtime
-4-5 hours per week lifting
-2 hours per week doing abs and cardio (3 starting this week)
-400 = target calorie burn during cardio
-100(ish)g of carbs a day
-7ish times I've almost cried because I'm so hungry
-7ish times I've told myself to suck it up
-2 dreams I've had about food/the competition
-8-10ish times I've sat and watched people eat food
-0 times I've regretted doing this (so far :) )

xoxo

Day 18: My second home

2010-05-13T19:26:00.003-04:00

The gym has officially become my second home. I'm usually there around:

I'm usually there at least 6 times per week so I figured I'd give you a glimpse into my daily routine. Yesterday we (me and Shea, my workout buddy...don't worry, he'll get his own post soon) lifted shoulders. Today we lifted biceps and triceps. Don't judge the pics. It was early in the morning and I'm still working on losing some lbs.

Military shoulder press

Rear Smith machine shoulder press

More shoulder exercises...

Bulging Biceps ;)

Triceps

So there's a look into my sweaty, germy second home. Hopefully the pics stay formatted. More to come soon :)

xoxo

Day 15: Beginning of Phase 2 has begun

2010-05-10T20:41:00.000-04:00

So, 2 weeks down, phase 1 complete. Today was the first day of phase 2, which is 8 weeks long. My food hasn't really changed that much, just when I eat certain foods has changed a little. Here are some highlights from these past 2 weeks:
-I've lost 4 pounds.
-This whole process of consuming far fewer calories than before and working out a shit ton more has made me exhausted all the time. I'm not sure what else I really expected but, damn, I'm tired.
-My legs are so sore that when I attempt to sit on the toilet I have to hold onto the handicap bar or the towel rack just to make it down safely. This happens often between all the water and protein shakes I drink daily.
-I saw an older many actually fall asleep in the middle of the gym on one of those blue yoga/ab mats. Out cold. I checked to make sure he was breathing. He was. He woke up and did some pull-ups. Now, that's my kind of workout!
-Watching other people eat is getting harder and harder. I'm trying not to let it affect me, and I'm trying to still go out as much as possible, but it's more of a challenge than I thought it would be. I have to keep thinking about all of this week-by-week, phase-by-phase or I will crumble (like delicious Baked Lays, Cheetos, or a gluten free pizza...mmmm).

I'm going to try and post some pictures from each lifting workout we do this week. I forgot my camera today but I'm going to try and start Wednesday (I'm just doing cardio tomorrow, I think you know what an elliptical looks like:) ). I'm also going to finally do my workout play list some time this week. Any other suggestions?? Anything you want to hear about? Bueller?

xoxo

Day 9: Chunks

2010-05-04T20:00:00.002-04:00

Hi, my name is Rachel. I am not an addict but I did, in fact, poop in my pants the day before my colonoscopy. I bring this up not to give you a horrendous mental picture (which it was), but because it got me thinking about chunks. Haha not those kind of chunks, but breaking things into manageable chunks. Yesterday, I had to drink TWO LITERS of this pretty gnarly powdery drink to clear out my system.

I figured I'd give a comparison of the size of the container (TWO of these!). Sad, sad times.

I had to drink 8oz. every 15 minutes until 1 liter was complete, then drink 16oz. of a clear liquid, wait an hour and a half, rinse, and repeat. The only thing that made this even somewhat manageable was that I could break down what I had to do into small chunks (although at the time, the word 'chunks' didn't go over so well). I could think about drinking 8oz. of this liquid laxative, but to think about drinking an entire liter of it made me want to....well, you know. After I drank the 1st ounce, I started thinking about the 2nd oz., and then the 3rd, and then before I knew it, the liter was gone.

As I lay in bed with a rumbling stomach, getting ready to sprint to the toilet, I thought about how much breaking down goals into smaller chunks really helps you stay mentally focused, motivated, and confident. Yeah, I wasn't running the Boston Marathon last night (on second thought, I did make about 1097234 trips to the bathroom and back...), but, for me, this was a challenging thing I had to do and I wasn't sure I could do it.

Obvi, this is similar to my figure competition process. The only way that I can think about it is 1 day, 1 week, 1 phase at a time. I think about what my lift is the next day, or how many days or weeks are left in each phase, but I try not to think, "Oh boy, I have to do this for another 22 weeks, which is equal to just shy of 6 months." Of course those thoughts creep up on me occasionally, but to stay focused, motivated, and confident that I can and will do this, I have to break it down into chunks of time that I can actually wrap my brain around. Any task, even minute ones, require "chunking" so that they can be completed effectively or just completed at all.

If you think about it, we 'chunk' all the time. We chunk our day, "I'll finish this task by lunch and then I'll complete this task after lunch." We chunk weeks, "It's hump day! Only 2 more days, I can do it!" We chunk months, "One more month until summer vacation." We chunk years, "By the end of this year, I want to have saved x amount of money, lost x amount of weight, etc." Heck, we chunk our whole lives, "By this age, I want to graduate college. By this age, I want to get married. I want to have kids by this age and buy a house at this age" and on an on. OK, I'll stop saying the word 'chunk' now.

It seems our brains just function better when we take 1 piece of life at a time, deal with it, and then move on. Life, otherwise, is just so overwhelming we may freak out and, well, poop our pants...

xoxoxo

Day 7: Week 1 complete!

2010-05-02T22:22:00.000-04:00

So the first week is done...23 weeks to go. That sounds daunting when I type it, but I'm trying to take it 1 week at a time. The things I've realized this week are:
-it's OK to be hungry sometimes.
-I've lost about 2.5 pounds and that feels pretty good but I still have very far to go.
-I probably shouldn't have eaten my face off for the past 3ish months...it's making this a liiiiitle more difficult.
-Protein shakes create some of the worst gas I've ever smelled. I apologize in advance. And if you're standing near me and you smell something gross, yes, it's me. Sorry.
-Events, such as birthday parties and horse races just really aren't the same when I'm not drinking alcohol. I'm a little disturbed by this because I feel like it shouldn't make that much of a difference, but flip cup with cups of water just ain't the same....youknowwhatimsayin?!
-I think I can do this this time. I will do this this time, even if I am not totally confident the day of the show. I can dedicate myself, for 1 summer, and do this.

PS- I have to have a colonoscopy on Tuesday morning...do you think that will help the weight loss?? I'm hoping for a big YES. "I'm 1 stomach virus away from my ideal weight." (From Devil Wears Prada).

Thanks again for everyone's encouragement and for your understanding and for letting me play drinking games with water :) I couldn't do it without all of you!

xoxo

Day 2: Things I Know So Far...

2010-04-27T20:07:00.000-04:00

I'm gonna preface this by saying that it's been a loooong, food-less (not really, but it seems like it) day, and my special monthly visitor is coming soon....so take it as you will.

Things I Know So Far:

-I'm hungry as HELL. Like, I almost threw up today, while driving, because I had a terrible headache and I was starving (I use the term starving loosely--I'm not like one of those kids on the Feed the Hungry commercials with a distended stomach and a fly landing on my eye, but you get the point).
-I have to eat a lot LESS food in phase 2 and even LESS in phase 4...guess I better contact them about putting me in a commercial soon.
-I have to lose 20-24 pounds in the next 24 weeks.
-Talking about food and how hungry I am makes me, literally, tear up. I'm hoping my monthly friend takes these tears away.
-I never thought 8:30pm would seem like a LATE bedtime.
-I better get used to peeing 23409723049 times a day.
-I better freakin' suck it up if I'm going to make it another 23 weeks and 5 days.

Time for bed...it is after 8:00pm!!

xoxo Leave some love, I need it today :)

I'm baaaaaack!

2010-04-26T19:59:00.000-04:00

Hi! I've missed you! Sorry I've been gone for a month and a half....I didn't really know what to write about and I didn't have anything overly exciting to share. BUT, now I do.

I'm officially back on the competition training diet and lifting routine. I will attempt, for the second time, my first ever figure competition. Now, let me tell you how this came about again...

As you know, 5 weeks into my last attempt at this endeavor, I came across a pro figure competitor who basically told me I was not ready for a competition and needed to step up my lifting program before I cut weight. After many tears, millions of calories, some alcoholic bevvies, 10 pounds, and a pretty intense lifting program, I feel like I'm ready to try this all again. Greg just completed his second bodybuilding competition and while I was there I couldn't help but notice, and slightly obsess over, the figure competitors who were there. What really struck me was that they, like every woman, had flaws...dun dun dun. Most all of them were not perfect, they were not ridiculously buff, and they were just as extremely nervous as I know I'll be.

I started thinking about why I had attempted my first competition and why I would want to try another. Originally, I just wanted to see what I could get my body to do. I wanted to see how in shape I could get and I wanted to compete and do decently well. I think I got too caught up in the "I-need-to-be-perfect-to-do-this-and-I-need-place-and-be-super-competitive." These girls as Greg's competition seemed to want the same thing as I had originally wanted. One girl looked like she had probably lost 75-100 pounds at some point in her life. She had stretch marks and some extra skin, but I could tell how proud of herself she was. She didn't care that she had stretch marks (at least she didn't let on that she cared if she did). She just did her best and showed off how proud she was of her hard work. Even with those flaws she was probably in the best shape of her entire life and she celebrated that by doing this competition.

I am not a very competitive person. I mean I like to win at things like BINGO, or Cranium, but I wouldn't pull a Tony Harding and bust the knee caps of my competitors to win. My outlook on this competition is that I am going to get in the best shape of my life, do the best I can, and celebrate that with a competition that reveals my hard work. Maybe I won't place in the top 5. Maybe I slip on my clear, plastic stripper shoes and bust ass, but at least I will have tried. I know I am doing this for myself, for my body, and for something to motivate me to stay in shape and stay healthy.

Here's the plan so far:
I have a total of 24 weeks to train and diet. I'm on 4 cycles, if you will. The first started today. It's a 2-week transition into this whole thing (since I've been EATING MY FACE OFF). I'm essentially doing the same lifting/cardio program (lift 4 days, cardio 2 days) but have revamped my diet (will share on another post). Then I do an 8-week program that will be a little bit more intense on all fronts--lifting, cardio, and diet. Then I do a 2-week "maintenance" program where I can ease up on all fronts and just maintain my weight. The last phase is an intense 12-week program where my diet will be very strict, my lifting will be kicked up a little, and my cardio will gradually increase each week so that right before my competition I will be lifting 4/5 times a week and cardio 5 times a week........

I can't even think that far ahead though. I'm just focusing on phase 1 right now...so as of now I'm thinking about day 2 of phase 1 :)

Thanks for everyone's encouragement and support. I really appreciate it! I PROMISE I will be better about keeping up on this site, now that I have real things to talk about (like my hunger...) :)

xoxo

Cellulite

2010-03-09T18:16:00.000-05:00

Cellulite is: "a topographic skin change that is claimed to occur in most postpubertal females. It presents as a modification of skin topography evident by skin dimpling."

Ew.

And how unfair that "MOST" postpubertal females have cellulite. So we get screwed for going through puberty?! Like we have a choice?! Any by screwed I mean forever tainted with dimpled skin on the back of our thighs, which is often referred to as "cottage cheese." No wonder so many people hate cottage cheese. That really makes a hot bikini bod...NOT!

So, now we women have to bleed once a month, push babies out of a far too small hole (I would like to be completely unconscious for this process...I'll bond with my baby later), AND have cottage cheese, cellulite ass and thighs. Just for being a woman and for going through puberty?! OK...enough ranting. Almost.

I don't know too many people, whether overweight or regular weight, who don't have cellulite. I have been an athlete for many years. I've always eaten decently healthy (baked lays for dinner is healthy, right?). I've kept my body in pretty decent shape. But I refuse to wear shorts more than maaaybe 4 times a summer. I hate walking around in a bathing suit. I even hate workout pants that are too tight because at just the right angle you can see the little dimples...dimples are supposed to be for facial cheeks, not ass cheeks and the back of thighs.

What is even more disheartening is that you can't ever get rid of it, unless you're a millionaire and your doctor is a magician. Even celebreties can't get rid of it. It's just hopeless.

Meet Mischa Barton. To me she is SKINNY!

Now, meet SKINNY Mischa Barton's cellulite.

GOO!

That's all I can say is goo. And it is unfair. We, females, get screwed. Come on, admit it. I hate cellulite, and I bet Mischa does too. Is it really almost bathing suit season?! GOO x 2!

My Top 10 Gym Pet Peeves

2010-02-22T18:16:00.000-05:00

OK, I have given this post a lot of thought. I've talked to friends and fellow gym-goers. I don't mean to be super critical or judgmental, just giving you my thoughts :) I have spent A LOT of time in the gym and I have seen A LOT of...interesting characters (to be kind). Here is my list of my top 10 gym pet peeves/annoyances. Richard Simmons feels my pain too, see?

#10: When the gym staff feels the need to BLAST the heat during the winter. I mean, the only people who need serious heat are the few people working at the gym, not the people working out! We are all sweating our asses off without the darn heat blasting! I am not trying to do the equivalent of hot yoga: "A series of poses done in 95-100 degree heat. As you can imagine, this temperature promotes profuse sweating and makes the body very warm and, therefore, flexible".......ummmmm, no thank you!

#9: Locker Rooms: I generally try to avoid locker rooms, mostly because they're usually oddly damp, there are naked, saggy people strutting around like they're getting changed in their own home, and because people are so awkward in locker rooms. You're trying to put on your clothes without showing 1 naked part (well, most of us try, except for the nudie people) and everyone is trying so hard not to look at anyone changing. Then you realize you forgot to shave or put on lotion and you look like a freak and you wonder who notices and then you remember that you're wearing your "period" underwear (aka your granny panties) and oh my gosh is anyone looking at them and then you realize you can't find your pants because they're at the bottom of your bag and oh crap who is staring at my granny panty butt while I'm digging through my bag......It's just uncomfortable and awkward....I don't even really like getting dressed in my room at home with my Tigger stuffed animal "looking" at me, so changing in the dressing room gives me the heeby-jeebies!

#8: Mirrors, mirrors everywhere. I get it, you need to be able to watch your form, your position, make sure your butt is back when you're doing squats...theoretically, I get it. But, let's be real...do you really need to look at yourself THAT much?! Sometimes, I look in one mirror and can see into another mirror, which allows me to see what's happening at the front of the gym when I'm standing in the far back of the gym...creepy. I get so sick of looking at myself, from many angles and in many mirrors!

#7: Grunting. OK I know I'm a girl lifter and can't lift as much as the juiced up men at the gym, but honestly...are you having an orgasm, pushing out a poop, or lifting something heavy?! (It sounds like some of these people accidentally push out a poop while lifting something heavy). I just can't help but stare at the grunters. It's like a car accident. I know I shouldn't be watching, but it's so hard to look away. Then, I look away but catch the grunter's eye in one of the 1230397 mirrors (see #8).

#6: Hair + gym: Now, I know when exercising you can have the occasional pony tail slip and you need to redo your hair. But the millions of mirrors in the gym are not your personal mirrors or your place to fix your hair do. I actually once witnessed a girl redo her hair THREE times while on the treadmill. A) get off the treadmill while you're doing your hair, someone else may want to use it. B) if you can do your hair while moving on the treadmill, you're not working hard enough. C) See what all the mirrors do to you?!?

#5: Sharing equipment. I know I'm a second grade teacher and I teach alllll about sharing. But in the gym, it's just kinda annoying to share. When I'm at the gym, I'm usually in my zone. My ipod is on or I'm talking to Greg, focusing on what I'm doing so that I can go home and eat. Then, out of nowhere, some putz comes up and says, probably in a perfectly nice voice, "Can I work in with you?" "UGH" I think in my head, but politely oblige. I go onto a different machine, but then, my machine is now covered in someone else's sweat, the weights are set differently, and I just don't wanna share!

#4: Make-up at the gym: I guess this connects with #6 but it disturbs me when girls come to the gym with full-blown make-up on. I know that some people come straight from work, fine. I'll give you that one. I also know that sometimes people are ~~hungover~~ tired and have their makeup on from the day/night before. I have done this before, I admit. But I have been to the gym at numerous times on numerous days and I just don't understand the girls who feel like they need to look like they are going to a beauty pageant when in reality they are going to a dirty, smelly, hot gym. Maybe they want to pick up a dude there? Has this ever successfully happened, other than on Sex and the City? And what happens to your face when you start sweating? Are you trying to look like the Joker as your make up streams down your face? Me no understand.

#3: Gym attire: I try not to stare at people too often. I really only do it if they smell (coming soon) or look odd. I just don't get it. Go to Target or Marshalls or TJ Maxx or Wal Mart and purchase a few cheap workout outfits that were made post 2000. Ladies especially...WTF?! I don't know who thinks it's OK to come to the gym in one of those classic 1980s aerobics outfits complete with the tights under the shorts, leotard, high socks, and sweatbands. I'm sure Richard Simmons would be proud, but even he may want you to keep up with the times as well. I also don't think anyone needs to see another woman in a sports bra...no matter what their body type/shape. It's not summer and we are not at a pool...cover yo self up! Just purchase some clothes that fit appropriately, cover all of your wobbly bits (jubblies--hi Kathy!), and remember we are in the year 2010.

#2: Profuse sweating: I know people can't help how much they sweat. I sweat A LOT when I'm doing cardio. But it is so disturbing to me to see people drenched in sweat and they seem completely unphased. There was a smelly, soaking wet man on the treadmill next to me one day and he did not seem bothered at all--he was just truckin' away. Who knows how much of his sweat flew onto me! Invest in a towel, or even just a t-shirt sleeve. It helps, I promise. And when it gets to a point when your light grey shirt is now completely dark grey, it's time to go home and shower. My greatest frustration with profuse sweaters is when they get off of a machine or a mat and their sweat, body outline is left for me to lay on next. One time I was doing leg curls after this sweaty, stinky man and I could actually smell him on the rubber part of the machine where you lay down. I almost threw up. But that would have added to the sweat and the smell and would have been worse. Can you say MRSA? Herpes? Cooties? EWWW!

#1: Drum roll, please. My greatest gym pet peeve is...wait for it...SMELLY PEOPLE! Let me explain. I dislike the body odor smell as much as the smell of someone who recently bathed in a pool of cologne. As far as the BO goes, just invest in a good bar of soap, maybe a nice little body wash, and a stick of deodarant. That should do it. And my greatest question with this, can you people really not smell yourself?! I know within 20-30 minutes if I forgot to put on deodarant in the morning and that's when I'm just around my house--not even working out and sweating profusely. I feel like I would smell myself, but maybe not... As far as the cologne drowners go, I just don't get it. It's 5:00 in the morning, why do you need to smell so good? So that the girl fixing her hair, wearing lots of make-up will smell you from 8 treadmills away?? That much cologne would not even be necessary at a black tie event meeting the President. He'd pass out. The bottom line is this: invest in a bar of soap, deodarant, and a good friend to tell you which end of the smelly spectrum you are on.

Feel free to add to my list in the comment section. I hope nobody was offended, it's all meant in good fun.

Until next time!
xoxo

Starting Fresh

2010-02-17T09:35:00.000-05:00

I'm baaaack. Sorry for the long delay. I really didn't have anything to share while I was sitting in my snuggie, eating cheetos and watching 26 inches of snow fall. I used the time to relax, rest up, and figure out my new goals.

What I realized is that, in order for me to attain any fitness goal, I have to have the will power to do it for myself. Not because Greg is super fit. Not because it's nice to have something like this in common with your boyfriend. But because it is something that I want for myself. I realized this week that I really do enjoy fitness-related things. Maybe not eating oatmeal until it oozes out of my ears, but I enjoy going to the gym and being fit. I enjoy learning about nutrition and I love lifting weights, more than I love cardio (I'm at the hate stage with my cardio...). More importantly, I feel better when I am healthy. I know that sounds kind of like, DUH, but what I mean is when I was eating thai food, chips, chocolate etc., I just didn't feel well. It tasted freakin' delicious going down, but then later I just felt gross.

What I also realized is that I need balance in my life. This extreme goal of competing in a competition 14 weeks after I start a program just isn't for me right now. I can't, and am not sure I want to be, that hard core. I thrive off of balance--whether it's work related, exercise related, eating related--I just need a balance. I realized that I'm happier when I can eat healthily during the week but then treat myself to a meal out with friends on the weekend. I can have a couple desserts during the week and not freak out. Greg and I can go out and do lots of other things that don't involve dumbbells or protein shakes. With life a little more balanced, it's easier for me to stick with my fitness plan and do it for the right reasons.

I've decided to do the weight lifting program with Greg. I don't want to give up on my fitness passion and goals so I'm modifying my original goal. He'll train me 3 times a week and I'll lift 1 or 2 other times each week. I'll do 1 day of cardio and some weeks I'll have 2 off days and other weeks I'll have 1 off day. My diet is higher in protein so I'm eating a little more, which is always nice. And, like I said, going out to eat isn't such a huge deal on the weekends.

So that is where I stand right now...I'm still going to keep blogging about what's happening in my fitness world and will keep everyone posted on my progress. It feels refreshing to have a new goal, one that seems more balanced and more attainable. I'm still working on other hobbies. I realized during the snowpocolypse that I LOVE puzzles. We have a 1,000 piece puzzle at our house right now that is almost done. OK, I'm a little bit of a dork, but I love them :) I would still like to volunteer or do a book club. Still planning to look into a swimming program as well. I want to find something that I can do both by myself, but also something that I can introduce Greg to the way that he introduced me to all things fitness. (I did introduce him to UFC but we don't exactly engage in cage fighting as an evening activity...get your minds out of the gutter!)

I've had a request to do a blog post on workout music, so that will be coming shortly. I am also coming up with my top 10 gym pet peeves that I will share soon!

Until next time!
xoxo

Re-evaluating

2010-02-09T12:45:00.000-05:00

So...I have lots to share today. Some discouraging things. Some encouraging things. But overall, just a lot. So grab your cup of coffee (Hi Kristi!) and enjoy the roller coaster that is this training program.

Yesterday, I went and met with my "posing coach." I was nervous because I didn't want to make a fool out of myself and I didn't know what to expect from this meeting. Well, let's just say it was a rude awakening and left me in tears. Let me explain. The lady was VERY nice. She was kind, thorough, definitely knew that she was talking about, and honest. I stood there next to her in little, booty shorts and a sports bra. Let me just say that anytime you are standing next to a professional fitness competitor, whether clothed or otherwise, it's veeerrrrryyy hard to feel good about yourself. She was...RIPPED and she was just wearing a t-shirt and jeans. We went through a couple poses and then I told her that I wanted her to be honest with me and tell me if she really thought I could reach my ultimate goal by April 17th. In a kind, non-offensive way, she told me that I would benefit from a 12-week training program that would build much more muscle on my body so that when I did the poses, muscles would actually pop out. She told me I need to be lifting heavy weights 5 times a week and doing less cardio than before...

We only did a few poses and then both realized that reaching my ultimate goal was just not realistic anymore and a talk about a future plan would be more beneficial. I held back tears as we walked from the exercise room where we were posing (which was about 60 degrees and in plain sight of all the cardio machines in the gym...awk.ward). We sat down at a table and she basically just reexplained that I would really benefit from this program and then possibly after that, trying a competition preparation training program blah blah blah. What I heard was...OMG, I just spent 5 weeks starving myself, giving everything to this program, giving up time with my friends, and all to find out that I need WAY more training before even CONSIDERING a competition. WTF?!

I left the gym more confused that when I entered. I called my mom crying (hi mama) and then came home to shed a few more tears on Greg's shoulder. I think the tears came from pure frustration, disappointment, and the realization that, at this point in time, this goal was not attainable. I also just felt kind of embarrassed--about the whole situation. Greg and I talked about where to go from here and what to do. I wanted to eat an entire pizza but I settled for a popsicle while talking. I knew that I didn't want to give up totally on all of this, but I also knew that starting a 12-week heavy lifting program felt like starting all the way back at square 1...and I was just not yet mentally prepared for that. I had mentally prepared myself for weeks before starting this whole process 5 weeks ago and to just jump into another program, which had no ending goal (other than being muscular and in shape), seemed nearly impossible at this time.

So, I did what I knew had been building inside me...I ate. I had some chips and queso, popsicles, popcorn, and baked cheetos. I also went out to lunch with my girlfriends and had a normal meal (with a few fries :) ). I felt guilty about eating after being so strict, but I just needed a break from all of this and I didn't want to think about food. In between snacking, I thought about what I want to do long term and realized that whatever I choose, I need to choose it because it is my goal and my passion, not because of any other reason. I need to be totally invested and make it as much of a lifestyle as possible--one that it is maintainable in the future.

So this is where I have left it: I'm giving myself a few days to recuperate (I'm a little wounded :) ). Then, I'm going to pick myself up and continue with my goals...new goals. I'm going to try a heavy lifting program with Greg, less cardio, and a less strict diet, and see where I am muscle-wise in about 12 weeks. From there, I will have to reevaluate again and set some new goals. I will possibly start training for a competition (another 12 week program) or I will just continue with my lifting program...I can't think that far ahead right now. At this point I'm just hoping for a bangin' beach body.

I've also decided I want another hobby that gives me an escape from work and a break from the gym. So far I've thought of: swimming in a masters swim program, volunteering at either a food bank/shelter or a breast cancer awareness place, book club...any other ideas?? Help me dear, blog readers.

That's all I've got for now. I'm probs going to go eat a popsicle, finish reading Dear John (SO good!), and watch some TV since we're never getting out of snowpocolypse 2010. Any encouragement and hobby ideas are more than welcome :)

xoxo

Days 30 and 31: One MONTH complete!

2010-02-05T14:10:00.000-05:00

Yesterday marked one month of training for this competition. I haven't decided how I feel about this past month yet. Some days the dieting and training don't seem bad at all. Other days, I want to eat, cry, eat, cry, rinse, and repeat. Overall, I think the month has gone by quickly. I'm in a pretty good routine and know that I am getting stronger and stronger each day. I can tell that my muscles are becoming a little bit more defined, slowly but surely. I feel less wobbly (you know, when you wave and your arm flab keeps waving even after you stop waving? My sister and I talk about this often...hi Deli!). I feel more toned. I feel healthy and strong. Yesterday, I lifted in the morning and did an hour of cardio in the evening. Today I lifted shoulders and legs and spent an hour and 45 minutes at the gym. I felt really good at the gym both days and am thankful that today is a rest day!!

I have lost 5 pounds this month. I haven't taken measurements, which I regret, but I think I'm going to start tomorrow so that I can start comparing that weekly as well. I don't know how I feel about my weight loss...kind of frustrated but also proud. I mean that's more than a pound a week, I can't really complain. I probably need to lose at least another 10 pounds in the next 10 weeks, so hopefully I'll stay on track.

My energy level is a little better, but part of that is because we've had a bunch of snow days and I've gotten some extra rest. I am still exhausted by the end of each day. At approximately 8:15pm you can find me tucked into my bed for a nice, long slumber. Thank goodness for DVR or I'd miss every show I love.

My insides are just starting to adjust to this whole program. Not to get too personal but I think my stomach was screaming, "What the HELL are you doing to me?!" I'm now more...er...regular...and I think everything has adjusted. Not that I ever ate that terribly, but now I am eating a lot less and only about 15-20 foods. This week I have added almond butter to my morning oatmeal and cottage cheese a few times a week. It's the little things :)

I have not been able to be as social as I had hoped from the start. I'm just too tired most days, especially during the week. I try to do something with friends about once a week but going to bars on the weekends has just not happened...I can't do it all and this competition is taking priority right now. Sorry friends, I still love you!!!! I'm trying!!!!

I'm working with my posing coach for the first time either this Monday or next. We are going to review my diet and my workout program so it will be very interesting and informative to hear what she has to say. She is a professional figure competitor!

Without further adieu, here are the picture comparisons of the end of week 1 to the end of week 4. It's a little hard to compare because I'm not standing in exactly the same position but it's the best I've got. I'm going to try and keep my positions more standard so that future comparisons are more helpful. Looking at the pictures, I think I've lost a little flab, toned up, especially in my stomach and a little in my legs. Let me know what you think :) Here you go dear blog readers:

Thanks again for everyone's support. I really appreciate it :)

Until next time! xoxo :)

Day 29: My Kitchen

2010-02-03T17:46:00.000-05:00

I'm attempting to put more pictures on this blog. I'm going to try and take pictures of things involved with this competition preparation and post them as often as possible.

Tonight, I'm going to show you some things related to my meal preparation. First, I'll show you what my lunch box looks like at the end of the day. You will quickly realize that we have more tupperware than actual dishes (like triple the amout of the dishes).

The little, green containers are for fruit. The other ones are for meals. I usually have a Ziploc bag for apples and oranges too :)

This is what our fridge looks like. Today, it's not too full because we need to go shopping but I would say this is pretty average. (FYI...that red drink is called IsoPure and it's a protein drink that I have about every other day. It has 160 calories and 40g of protein).

You will notice a) more tupperware, b) multiple dozens of eggs, c) mucho veggies!

Today, I laid out everything I use to make my lunch post-workout. Since I had a snow day (hoorah!), I was able to work out much later in the day and then make my lunch right afterward, instead of packing it into...wait for it...tupperware.

Do you like my display? In case you can't tell, this is: chicken, rice, strawberries, blueberries, salsa, cottage cheese, glutamine, and creatine, and of course, water!

Here it is all portioned out. 1/4 cup brown rice, 3 oz. chicken, 2 apple slices, 2 orange slices, 1 oz. blueberries, 1 oz. strawberries, 1/4 cup cottage cheese. Oh, and a vitamin C (do you see it?)

This is our trusty food scale. It measures in both grams and ounces. And it's a Biggest Loser scale...you know how I love that show! Greg and I use the scale probably, at least, 10 times a day together.

If I do some quick calculations, I would say that, in 1 week, Greg and I go through the following amounts of food:

*9 dozen eggs

*15 chicken breasts

*5ish ground turkey patties

*3 bags of spinach

*5-7 peppers

*About 700 grams of oatmeal

*Huge tupperwares of brown rice

*Couple cases of strawberries

*4ish cases of blueberries

*So much water we pee about every 45 minutes

Hope you enjoyed my kitchen, fridge, and meal preparation :) What do you have in your kitchen?

Off for game night with some friends! Weigh in and pictures tomorrow! Tomorrow marks ONE MONTH done!!

Until next time! xoxo

Day 28: Life Lessons from the Treadmill

2010-02-02T21:36:00.000-05:00

Can you believe it's been almost a month that I've been doing this ~~crazy sh*t~~ competition prep?! In a way it feels like it flew by, but in another way it feels like it is drag...ging... Today I was supposed to go back and do cardio this evening and I didn't. I lifted chest and triceps this morning, and this evening I decided that I just needed a mental, and physical break. All of this has been so all-consuming that tonight I visited my dear friend, Leslie (hi Les!) and then parked it on my couch for the evening. And boy does it feel nice. We'll see how the scale feels tomorrow...

So, remember when I talked about my love-hate relationship with cardio in general here? Well, let's get a little more specific and talk about the treadmill. I see the treadmill as the most common piece of cardio equipment. When someones talks about cardio, they immediately think of the treadmill...which probably makes them want to curl up, eat a big bowl of ice cream, and only see the gym in their sweet dreams. I know that is exactly how I used to feel, and sometimes still feel. This is why:

For me, my performance on the treadmill is very unpredictable. For those of you who know me well, you know that I don't like unpredictable things or things that change. I like to know exactly what I'm getting myself into and what is going to happen in the end. Yeah, yeah, not the most exciting way to live, but I am totally one of those people who would DEFINITELY have a palm reader/psychic tell me everything that will happen in my life. I digress. Some days I get on the treadmill and I feel awesome. My pony tail is swinging. I have a good rhythm. I can push myself to run faster and harder. I don't get any cramps and I challenge the dudes next to me who think they are justsospecialandthinktheyarerunningsooofast.

Then there are the other treadmill days...like yesterday.

I just could not get it together. My calves and shins were throbbing, which made my feet feel as though they weighed approximately 32490723 pounds. I couldn't get into a good rhythm. I felt more winded than usual and was getting weird cramps in my sides. I've been doing interval training on the treadmill which makes it a little easier. I run a 1/2 mile as fast as I can and then rest for about a minute. The goal is to do five 1/2 miles and then 20 minutes on the elliptical. Since I know a break is coming, I can usually push through any discomfort I may be having.

But I can honestly say that I have enjoyed maybe 2 out of 13497345 times that I've been on a treadmill. I just don't like it. It takes me a while to get warmed up and then I never know how my body is going to react...will this be a good, strong running day or will I have Frankenstein foot and having piercing side cramps? I also don't like that I'm running with no purpose. I used to play field hockey and I truly enjoyed that. I was running with a very distinct purpose, not like a hamster stuck on a death trap. I also, very rarely, am able to truly zone out on the treadmill, especially since with intervals I have to be watching the mileage so carefully. On the elliptical I can truly zone out and think about other things...it requires very little thought (until my feet go numb and then I switch my zone-out thoughts to what it would be like to either be a midget "little person" or what it would be like to have no feet and only walk on my calves/knees...this distracts me for a good while).

Lastly, I hate the feeling that one, small, wrong step and your booty is flying off that treadmill and onto the hard floor, creating an exciting scene for all other gym-goers. If I drift a liiiitle to the left, I could trip and I'm a goner. Same to the right. And God forbid I slow down too much and I'm off the back of that sucker! I feel like a drunk person running (for dear life) from the cops, while trying to stay in a straight line...all the while staring at my reflection which gets increasingly flushed and sweaty.

IT'S ALL JUST TOO MUCH CONCENTRATION! IT'S TOO UNPREDICTABLE! SO MANY THINGS COULD GO WRONG! AHHH!

But I think this is all a metaphor for this whole training process. All of it is so much concentration. All of it--weight loss, muscle gain, final results--is so unpredictable. So many different things could go wrong--I could get injured, I could stop losing weight altogether, I could lose my will power....

But, in the end, this (both running and preparing for this competition) is the best thing for me right now. It will make me stronger. It will make me balance my priorities. I will learn to appreciate the unpredictabilities. I will realize that worrying about everything that can go wrong--whether competition prep, running on the treadmill, or just life--does me no good. In fact it does the opposite and it drives me nuts. The more I worry, the more I psych myself out...again, whether preparing for the competition, running, or just living.

I know the treadmill, in addition to other cardio machines, is the best thing for me to do to prepare for this competition. And I know that all parts of this competition, just as in life, will have unpredictabilities and things that cause me to be fearful. But it's how I handle them that will make me truly stronger at the end of this, just like running on a treadmill. Until then, start the treadmill...this hamster is ready for some tortuous, fulfilling, unpredictable, and endless running!

Until next time! :) xoxo

Days 26 and 27: Diet and Doubles

2010-02-01T13:56:00.000-05:00

So today I am writing early in the day because I'm not sure how much time I'll have later tonight. I'm at work (shhh!) but we have a teacher-work day so I have a little free time (I'm practicing my writing skills so I can teach my kids how to write good :) ). Anyways, the things that have been on my mind yesterday and today are: diet and doubles.

Here is my diet right now (as of now there is not much variance of food so this is pretty much what I eat every, single, flippin' day):
Meal #1: 2 egg whites, 1 whole egg, 1/2 cup plain oatmeal.
Meal #2: 1/4 cup brown rice, 3oz chicken (cooked only with salt free spices), 2 slices of apple, 2 slices of orange, 1 oz blueberries, 1 oz strawberries (measure that puppy out...I'm lucky to get 2 freakin' strawberries). *Sometimes I put about a spoonful of salsa on the chicken.
Meal #3: 1/2 cup oatmeal OR 1/2 slice of a gluten-free roll from Trader Joe's with a little mustard, 3 oz. chicken, 2 slices of apple, 2 slices of orange, 1 oz blueberries, 1 oz strawberries
Meal #4: Same as meal #2 but sometimes I change out the rice for oatmeal (wooohooo), 2 slices of apple, 2 slices of orange, 1 oz blueberries, 1 oz strawberries.
Meal #5: Big, spinach salad with mostly green veggies, carrots, 3 oz. of chicken and 10 sprays of a dressing.
Few notes:
1) Sometimes I change out the meat with either 99% lean ground turkey or with some salmon, but the majority of my protein comes from chicken. I think it's about time for Greg and I to invest in some chickens for our backyard seeing as though yesterday I cooked about 9 chicken breasts and I think we have about 4 left....our kitchen is a busy place!
2) Before I lift, I have a protein shake and 2 oz. of a banana just so I have something little in my stomach so I don't vom all over Greg. I also always have a shake when I return from working out whether that's in the morning, afternoon or both. In the shake I put supplements (glutamine and creatine) so my muscles can repair quickly.
3) Because I have not lost much weight, Greg and I are playing around with a few food changes. Thanks to an aweosme blog reader (Allison R!), I am now a fan of a Facebook page that has food ideas and recipes for people training for competitions. The site talked about cottage cheese so today I ate 1/2 cup of cottage cheese with a little bit of those drink powders (like Crystal Light, Propel, etc.) for a little sweetness. It's high in protein, low in carbs, and is a nice, sweet, addition to a meal. Thanks, Allison!!! I also bought some peanut butter (MY DREAMS ARE COMING TRUE!) to possibly add to my breakfast. I'm going to wait and see how my body reacts to the cottage cheese before I add in the peanut butter.
4) I drink only water, hot tea, and protein shakes. I have not had another kind of beverage since I started this competition training...*sigh*

I complain about my diet sometimes and parts of it are not really fun...at all. But I was just saying to Greg the other day that I really do feel the best that I have felt in a long time. I feel stronger at the gym, can push myself more, and can workout longer than before. Overall I just feel healthier which is very nice. The hardest time for me to keep this diet is on the weekends because I'm not as structured on the weekends as I am during the week. At work, it's pretty easy because I can only eat at certain times and my day is very regulated. Luckily, on the weekends, Greg is eating pretty much the same foods I am so I'm not alone in the kitchen of health nuts :)

As far as doubles go, I'm sure that many of you athletes can relate to the fatigue that comes with this. What I have started doing, two to three times a week, is going to the gym in the morning and either lifting or doing about 45-50 minutes of cardio and then coming back to the gym in the evening for another 30-45 minute cardio session. I usually do my abs in the morning with my morning cardio. So, this week will look something like this:
Today: A.M.- Abs, cardio      P.M. - Cardio
Tuesday: A.M. - Lift arms, 30 mins. cardio      P.M. - Cardio
Wednesday: A.M. - Abs, cardio
Thursday: A.M. - Lift chest and back     P.M. - Cardio
Friday: A.M. - Abs, cardio
Saturday: A.M. - Lift legs
Sunday: REST!

I am usually fine with this schedule until about Thursday afternoon...then I start to crash and burn. This weekend, after my legs workout with Greg on Saturday, I came home and CRASHED on the couch. I think I was immobile (except to eat, pee, and drink water) for about 24 solid hours. This workout schedule is intense but I think it is definitely necessary and will, hopefully, be worth it! I can definitely tell it is working some so far, so hopefully in 11 weeks it will have all paid off!

I wanted to write some about the dreaded treadmill, but I will post about that tomorrow. Also, I think I have found my posing coach!!! Will write more later, need to get some work done now :)

Until next time :) xoxo

Days 20-25: Trust the Process

2010-01-30T17:09:00.000-05:00

Sorry for slacking on the posts recently...this week was really busy and exhausting and I had to choose sleep over blogging. Are you guys still out there? Anyone still reading this?

So, Thursday marked 3 weeks COMPLETE! I was not able to post pics because I ran out of time but I promise I will post them next week. This week has been: tiring, exhausting, draining, sometimes frustrating and sometimes really encouraging. I was in the gym 8 separate times this week. On Tuesday and Thursday I lifted in the mornings and came back and did cardio in the evenings hence why I am so utterly exhausted right now. The frustrating part of this week was two-fold. First, I just feel like I never have enough time to get everything done that I need to while also getting adequate sleep. In order to make it through a long day of working out, work, and tutoring, I HAVE to be in bed between 8:30 and 9:00 each night. That doesn't leave a lot of time in the evenings to just relax, catch up on trashy TV, or blog! It leaves me just enough time to make dinner, make food for the next day, and take a deep breath.

The other frustrating part of this week was weight loss...or lack thereof. Overall I have lost 4.5 pounds in just over 3 weeks. Now, don't get your panties/briefs in a bunch, I know that's still a good weight loss and I know that I am definitely gaining muscle. But it is still frustrating to work so hard in the gym, twice a day, eat perfectly, and weigh the exact same weight I weighed the day before. Tuesday morning I was fed up with the lack of weight loss and I went to the gym as a Negative Nancy. I was so distracted by my lack of weight loss and by my ~~minor~~ major complaints about the matter that I almost ruined my whole workout. Greg, while not...loving the complaints, looked at me in the gym and told me that I was ruining my workout and that I "needed to trust the process." For some reason that made me snap out of my Debbie Downerism funk because it kind of made sense. I mean, obviously I am not going to see tons of results on the scale within a mere 3 weeks. What I need to focus on is the fact that I have 11 weeks to go which gives me plenty of time to get to where I need to be.

Trust is something I need to have more of with this whole process. More trust that Greg will push me to work hard but not so hard that I will quit. More trust in my own abilities in the gym. And more trust that my eating well and diligently working out will pay off in 11 weeks. I tend to become fearful instead of trustful in certain situations and this week that is how I felt. I was scared every time I stepped on the scale. I was scared when Greg increased my squat weight. I was scared that I wasn't pushing myself enough during cardio.

I'm over being scared.

I'm ready to trust this process and see what happens in the end. Whatever that may be. I need to trust this process just the way that I would anything else...a job, a marriage, a major change in life. Sometimes I just need to trust in myself that I am doing everything in my power to reach my goal instead of being fearful that I won't reach my goal.

I'm also ready to look more at the positives of this process than the negatives. Yes, I have only lost 4.5 pounds. BUT I also fit into size 2 jeans this week, which I have not done in quite a while. My clothes fit better than before. I feel strong and healthy when I'm in the gym. I can tell that my muscles are becoming more defined. I am actually enjoying going to the gym and feeling the healthiest I have in a long time. I am starting to trust in this process, finally, and am realizing that there is a lot more to all of this than the number on the scale...it goes way deeper than that. Maybe this whole competition will teach me more about myself than I thought.

I am also PMSing which, like all of you ladies out there know, makes me feel like an out of body-bitchy-devilish-emotional-cranky shell of myself for like 3 or 4 days. So let's hope this is day 4 :) I think that this lovely "time of the month" is also contributing to the fact that I want to eat EVERYTHING IN SIGHT. Really, I don't discriminate. I will eat anything. Even if it is on your plate. I will still eat it. Hell, at this point you could chew some M&Ms and spit them back out and I'd probably still eat them.

One last funny story from this week before I take my third nap of the day...On Tuesday (this was not my best day in case you couldn't tell), I was in a big rush in the morning. I made my eggs and oatmeal and I had them sitting on the counter. I quickly grabbed my multi-vitamin and my fish oil vitamin and I tossed them in my bowl to save time. I gathered all my stuff for the day and carried everything out to my car. I started driving and was about to eat my breakfast (don't worry, mom, I'm being careful while driving and eating). I went to take my multi-vitamin. No problem. I went to take my fish oil and quickly realized that putting a fish oil GEL capsule on top of hot eggs was not my smartest move...I picked it up and liquid fish oozed onto my fingers. I quickly put it in my mouth and drank lots of water. Note to everyone: WATER DOES NOT GET RID OF A WARM, FISHY TASTE! I held down a vomit burp and continued driving. Once I regained control of my gag reflex I started to eat my breakfast. Little did I realize (because apparently this whole exercise thing is shrinking my brain while expanding my muscles) Mr. fish oil capsule had leaked onto my eggs. There, on top of my eggs, sat a nice, little puddle of LIQUID FISH...at 7:30 in the morning! For some unknown reason (again, brain not working), I went ahead and ate it any way...I was hungry! As soon as I put that bite of fishy eggs in my mouth and swallowed, I honestly thought I was going to throw up all over my car while driving. I started semi-dry heaving, drank lots of water and tried to focus on the road. After some fish burps throughout the morning, I felt a little better...and let's just say all of that fishy crap is right where crap needs to be...down the toilet and out of my system! Each morning I look at the bottle of fish oil vitamins and shutter. Maybe one day I'll try again, but for now, I'll skip the Omega-3.

Until next time...I will write more often, promise!!
xoxo

Day 19: To be: Healthy? Skinny? Both?

2010-01-25T19:32:00.000-05:00

So yesterday, in my post about Greg, I talked/ranted about how great it is to eat well, detox, and have fitness goals so that I can make being healthy a lifestyle. But then I started thinking a little more about food and weight and bodies. A pretty huge part of me started questioning one thing: if I could eat whatever I wanted and still keep a decent body, would I still go the gym? Eat spinach like it's my j-o-b? Measure out protein, crabs, and fruit? If I say no does that make me a bad fitness competitor? I mean, aren't I supposed to love eating clean, exercising, and detoxing my body from all processed foods? Because a pretty huge part of me doesn't. While I love the results from doing all of this, and while all of this is becoming more normal to me, it is all still a chore. It's a chore to get up at 4:45am and haul my (hopefully thinning) butt to the gym. It's a chore to spend a decent portion of my night preparing my food for the next day. It's all just a...chore. Would I do it all if I knew I wouldn't gain weight?...... I'm not sure. I know I wouldn't do it (eating healthy, exercising, etc.) to this extreme.

But another part of me feels so proud and so accomplished after finishing each of my workouts that I'm not sure I could (now) ever give this up. Of course I'm already planning out my first few gluttonous meals post-competition, but this whole exercising thing is becoming kind of addictive. When I don't exercise I honestly don't feel as well, overall, as I do when I exercise. Just tonight I went to the gym and did abs and about 45 minutes of cardio and I felt great. It was the perfect end to a hectic day. Then I came home and ate a big spinach salad and I just feel great. Part of me does think that even if I had a bangin' body and didn't have to count calories, protein, carbs, fat etc., I would still want to keep my body healthy by exercising and eating well. Growing up an athlete, loving sports, and eating healthy meals made by Mama McDonald has given me the healthy bug. I couldn't go too long without some kind of exercise and some kind of healthy meal to cleanse my insides.

So, I guess the bottom line is...if I could eat what I wanted without gaining much weight, I would exercise and eat healthy but not to this extreme. I probably wouldn't measure as many things. I probably wouldn't resist as many delicious sweet treats (you know, like ice cream, cheesecake, fudge, anything with peanut butter). I probably wouldn't workout a total of 6 or 8 times (some double days) a week. But I probably would balance out my treats with some salads and exercise...I think Trainer Greg would make sure of this. He is a huge spinach fan (it helps prevent breast cancer)!

While this training program doesn't allow for treats (not even baked Lays om nom nom) I think that after this competition I'm going to try and balance my newly found healthy lifestyle with some sweet treats to keep me going :) I couldn't live more than these 14 weeks without my mint chocolate chip ice cream. For now, I'll keep focusing on the healthy benefits of all of this and dream of my chicken enchiladas that I will eat (in moderation) when the competition is over.

Until next time!
xoxo

Days 16, 17, 18: Shout out to Trainer Greg

2010-01-24T19:19:00.001-05:00

I am lucky enough to not only have a personal trainer and a nutrionist (not officially a nutritionist, but very knowledgable about food!), but to also live with and date one. I can confidently say that if I did not have Greg in my life I would not be competing in this competition. (For those of you who don't know, I met Greg in April of 2007, he became my trainer in May, and we started dating that summer...the rest is history).

He is there to push me when I can no longer push myself. He is there to answer the many, many food questions I have for him (~~sometimes~~ often the same questions over and over again :) ). He is there to make sure I take my vitamins. He is there to tell me to stop complaining when I'm more whiny than a 13-year old on her period. He is there to force spinach down my throat (I better look like freakin' Popeye!) He is there to roll me out of bed when 5:00am has come waaaay too early. He is there to cook lots and lots of chicken. He is there to make sure I drink all of my water at every meal. He is there to tell me to drink more water when I say I'm hungry and want ice cream (so I roll my eyes and...drink more water). He is there to help me with the mental/emotional portion of all of this, in addition to the huge physical portion. He is there to support me enough that I know he's there but not so much that I become frustrated and do this competition for the wrong reasons. Greg has done a great job of teaching me that to be successful in my fitness goals, at whatever point in life, I have to want to achieve them for myself and my health.

Now, of course every trip to the gym and every conversation we have about fitness and food is not peaches and cream (no food pun intended). I tend to complain about things more than Greg and I also tend to need more positive reinforcement (think the opposite of Trainer Jillian on The Biggest Loser) than Greg. Greg gets up every day, creates his own diet, researches various workout programs, learns about his supplements, and does what he needs to do at the gym each day without as much as a peep. This MAJOR personality difference can cause some issues in the gym, especially when I'm PMSing and almost (literally) cry when Greg pushes me a little past my comfort zone. I'm working on complaining less because I am learning to be healthy and go to the gym because it's the right/healthy thing to do-- not because I date a trainer and want to be thin. Also, let's be honest, complaining is not really fun for anyone involved. It brings me down because I'm doubting myself and it brings Greg down because...well, he just really hates it when I complain. Greg is working on encouraging me more during the workouts. He doesn't need as much vocal encouragement as I do. Side note: I had to laugh the other day...I was doing chest and I was using 20 or 25 lb dumbbells. It was hard! Yesterday, I was watching Greg do chest and he was using 120 lb dumbbells IN EACH HAND!! How dare I complain......

I would say that getting a trainer is one of the most clutch, awesome things I have ever done. Not only because I ended up dating my trainer :) but also because they just get you on track and get you motivated to reach your fitness goals. Two years ago, I never, in a million years, thought I would be training for a competition like this. But once I had Greg as a trainer I realized that my body could do more than I ever thought. At first, he was my motivation to get to the gym. Not just because I thought he was cute but because he made me accountable in the gym. He gave me the confidence to realize that I could compete in a competition like this. He taught me about diet, weight training, supplements, discipline, cardio, and competition preparation. Obviously this didn't all happen over a few weeks...it has literally been years. But I would highly encourage anyone to hire a trainer (you don't have to date them just to get diet info :) ). I know they are expensive...but my first year here I was able to do it living in a high-rise apartment in Ballston, with a new car payment, and a large bar tab, all on a teacher's salary. It's doable and it is worth it!

Yes, sometimes I get very sick of talking about, let alone, thinking about weight lifting, cardio, protein, carbs, glutamine, creatine, being hungry, etc. That's when I take a deep breath, get a word of encouragement from Greg, and go to bed. Greg has taught me more about diet, exercise, and health than I ever thought I would learn and for that I am eternally grateful. Go get a trainer! Hurry! I know this great trainer named Greg Smith :)

I love you Trainer Greg! xoxo

Day 15: Week 2 COMPLETE!

2010-01-21T17:29:00.001-05:00

Wow, 2 weeks down and 12 to go (this program is actually 14 weeks, I miscounted...doh!). This past week has been challenging, frustrating, and encouraging. I feel like I'm in a good rhythm with my diet and exercise and it all seems more normal, not as much of a burden. I haven't had many food cravings except when I was in the grocery store. I only go to the store for produce, oatmeal, eggs, or meat but, damn, when you can't eat junk food it seems like it is ALL over the grocery store! I thought I was a little bit of a picky eater but I am quickly learning that, when hungry and tired, I will take out small children with my shopping cart to get to a bag of M&Ms. I've always hated going to the grocery store but now I hate it even more. I mean, c'mon, it's like asking an alcoholic to go to a liquor store and buy a case of tonic water.

My chest cold/infection put a little damper on the first part of this week but seems to be getting better quickly. I can breathe much better today and am hoping it will all pass within the next day or so. I still have no voice, so teaching tomorrow should be interesting.

My lifts and my cardio were fine this week. Everything just seemed more routine this week. Last week everything was so new and exciting...this week it seems like just another week, which is good I think. This whole program is slowly becoming my "normal" life which keeps me motivated. I just know that everday I will be in the gym at some point, at least once, and I will be eating some combination of about 15 foods. The normalcy of all of it is also nice because it gives me something to think about. I like having a goal with a deadline because I have something to focus on.

I have lost 3.5 pounds in 2 weeks. I thought I would have lost a little more but I'm not stressing about it yet. I can tell that my body is toning up a little. My jeans were a little looser this week and I noticed in the pictures that my love handle region seems to have gone down a little. So I'm trying not to over think the weight part of it. I know it's a crucial aspect of all of this but I know that I'm doing everything that I can and Greg is helping me manipulate certain aspects of my diet and cardio as needed. I think right now I am the most concerned about the back of my thighs (not ready to share those pics :)) and my arms.

Here is a comparison chart from the end of week 1 to the end of week 2:

Thanks again for everyone's encouragement. I'm still trying to keep up a social life while also getting to bed around 8:30 or 9:00 :) Luckily I have good friends who understand my goals and help me through :)

Abs and cardio in the morning, hopefully going to tackle the dreaded treadmill.
Until next time!
xoxo

Pounds lost: 3.5

Day 14: First semi-major hurdle

2010-01-20T18:43:00.000-05:00

I don't have any grand topics to talk about tonight other than the fact that I woke up with a croup/whooping-type cough at midnight last night. My chest had been feeling tight lately and I had felt more winded during my past few workouts but I hadn't thought much of it. But when midnight rolled around and I felt as though I was having a heart attack/some kind of allergic reaction that was making it extremely difficult to breathe, I knew something was not right. I tried to get back to sleep a few times but was interrupted with numerous whooping coughs that made my throat feel like it was en fuego. Trainer Greg told me not to do cardio early in the morning (which, if I had tried, I'm preeettty sure would've resulting in me collapsing on the gym floor. That would have been embarassing) and passed me the bottle of nyquil. I was able to prop myself up and fall back to sleep for a while and then dragged myself to work.

I went to the doc after school and they didn't have any profound reasons for the chest tightness or coughing, but they did give me a Z-Pack and medicated cough medicine...GIGGITY! I wasn't able to do my cardio today partly because I was late getting home and eating my 4th meal after picking up my meds, and partly because I'm exhausted and don't feel good. So instead I'm going to sit around in my elastic pants, my sweatshirt, and my moccasin slippers and rest up. My voice is about 40% gone right now, which is not too awesome but I think will come back with some rest and tea.

Enough bitching. Going to try and get back to the gym tomorrow if my chest doesn't collapse in the meantime.

Until next time!
xoxo

Day 13: Temptation

2010-01-19T19:12:00.000-05:00

There have been times during this week and a half where I have felt no food temptations and no temptations to skip my gym workout...There have also been times when I almost dove, face first, into a plate of fries or tried to actually swim in a bowl of warm, cheese dip (in my mind of course). What I am starting to realize while preparing for this competition is that everyone has temptation at some point in their life and it's how you deal with it or resist it that is important. What I am also realizing is that I kind of love forcing myself to resist something. I know that sounds kind of silly, but it's empowering to have that much control over your body. I know that we all, obviously, have control over what we eat and how we work out, but when I know that I can only eat certain amounts of certain things at certain times, it makes me more aware of the utter control and power I have over my body. I am starting to kind of love having that inner conversation with myself that goes something this:
Inner self 1: "Just eat 1 fry, I mean how many carbs can that be anyway?"
Innter self 2: "Get a grip and have some control over yourself."
Inner self 1: "I'm going to the gym in the morning, I'd work off 1 small bowl of creamy, mint chocolate chip ice cream (preferably from Baskin Robbins)."
Inner self 2: "Rachel, you are going to be on stage, in an awkward excuse for a bikini, with clear high heels and a freakish tan in front of many people in 12 short weeks. GET CONTROL...you can do this!"

You get the point....But what I am noticing is that I like making it through a day knowing that I worked out the hardest I could and ate exactly what I was supposed to and am, therefore, doing the best that I can to prepare for this competition. I like that I'm not giving into my temptations (...yet) and I like the new, found control I have over my body. I mean, I swear just a few weeks ago it was like someone would literally pull me out of my reclining chair, drag me to the fridge, and shove a heaping bowl of gluten-free pasta down my throat followed closely by some sweet treat from the pantry...how does that happen? It must be the same people who steal 1 of my socks every time I do laundry...

I have also noticed that I've, at least this week, been feeling more tempted to not work as hard at the gym than I am to eat poorly (and by poorly I mean an extra scoop of brown rice, God forbid...). I feel this way at the gym especially when I'm doing cardio and Greg is not there to push me. I have to, honestly, have another inner dialogue with myself to push myself harder and tell myself to quit bitchin' and get on with it. When Greg is with me there is little room to bitch or complain. I present you with an actual dialogue that occurred this morning. And I quote (or paraphrase because it was 13 hours ago that we had this convo):
Me: "Groan" (while doing triceps)
Greg: "Come on, 4 more!"
Me: Evil death glare at the fact that I have to do 4 more.
Greg: "Come on, 3..."
Me: "OW! It hurts, I can't do it" (but he was standing directly above me so there wasn't much room to drop the weights and run)
Greg: "STOP WHINING AND COMPLAINING AND JUST DO IT"
Me: Internal cry out in pain and a slight eye roll.
Greg: "Good job pushing yourself"
Me: ~~Slight~~, heavy eye roll, sigh, moved on to next exercise.

I was tempted to quit, to give up...but thankfully ~~Nazi~~ Trainer Greg was there to help me push through my tempation. And it felt so good when I was done (although I kept burping up my banana and almost vommed on the elliptical, but that's not important...). Honestly, I truly felt like I had worked my hardest and I had not given into my temtpation.

Of course it's only been a week and a half and of course I will have many, many more dozens of temptations whether food or workout related. But as of right now, resisting these temptations is what is driving me and pushing me. To sit at lunch with my friends and watch them eat amazing food, or to play drinking games on a Saturday sipping on water while everyone is having delicious mixed drinks is definitely challenging and makes me reconsider my decision to do this whole thing. But on the other hand it makes me feel strong that I can do this and resist normal life temptations. We'll see how that continues to go :)

Gotta get up at 5 for abs and cardio so it's time for a salad, packing food for tomorrow, and BED (my new Heaven)!

Until next time!
xoxo

Days 9, 10, 11, and 12: Relative Fitness Goals

2010-01-18T18:41:00.001-05:00

Thank you all so much for your nice comments, messages, emails, etc. about my pics from my last post. Your encouragement means more than you know. A lot of people said that I didn't have a muffin top (which is true until I put on my skinny jeans (40 bucks at Old Navy...whoop!), which are a liiiitle snug, and then the muffin top comes out a bit). I never meant to make myself sound like one of those 900-pound women who has to be removed from her house with a crane. Everyone's comments etc. got me thinking about fitness goals and how they are all relative to where you start and where you are trying to go, fitness-wise.

I would say that my body was/is in pretty good shape. My diet was healthy I would say 80% of the time (it's hard for me to resist fries, ice cream, and Tostito scoop chips with warm, thick, creamy queso dip...*drool*). Overall, I thought I was healthy and looked pretty good...if I wasn't preparing for a competition. See, when I looked at myself in the mirror a few weeks ago I thought, "Eh, I look alright. Could tighten things up, but I look fine." Then...I caught a glimpse of what I would need to look like in 12 (now 11...eek!) weeks and realized I needed to get a freakin' move on it if I wanted to compete. I started realizing that how I viewed my body and my diet was dependent on the fitness goals that lie ahead. Because of those intense goals and the final results that need to happen, I didn't think of my body as "pretty good" or "alright." I started thinking, "OH CRAP! I have a long way to go!" It's interesting how my perspective changed when I saw where I needed to be in a mere 3 months. Let's use some visuals to show what I'm talking about.

Now, I know the fake tan is easily doable in just a few short days (I'm more worried/freaked out about this whole tanning thing than most people know, but I'll post on that another day). But, look at her freakin' body!! If that is where I'm trying to get to, I have a long way to go. I'm not saying that everyone should have the same fitness goals as me (hell, a few months ago I thought these competitions were ridiculous!) but what's important is to remember: a) where you started and b) where you are going. For me, the remembering where I started wasn't too much of an issue-- I knew I was pretty fit and had always been athletic so I expected myself to be able to compete. But where I am going is another story. These women are friggin' animals! They live, breathe, and eat (well, not so much eat) exercise and diet (and lots of tanning). I personally like this fitness goal for myself because I like to work towards things that seems almost unattainable. I like that challenge.

I am so inspired by the people on the Biggest Loser because of exactly that. They are taking on a huge fitness challenge that, at the beginning, seems almost unrealistic and daunting. But as they start to see results, they remember where they came from and where they are trying to get to starts to become more reasonable. I also pride these competitors on BL because they have made the goal to get healthy--that is where they are going...to get healthy. Some of them start over 300 or 400 pounds and lose massive amounts of weight. These people have to stop and look at where they started and realize that, no, they may never be the skinniest person around but they have achieved their goal. So my point is we are all working towards something different and how we judge ourselves and our bodies is dependent on where we started and where we are trying to get to with our fitness goals. I know that I don't have a bulging muffin top (I just LOVE that phrase though) but I do have a long way to go to reach my fitness goals.

Thanks again for all of the wonderful support all of you have given me. Having people behind me is making this experience better than I could have imagined. I will start posting daily again, sorry for the days off :)

Until next time!
xoxo

Pounds lost: 3.5
Food cravings of the moment: sweet potato french fries, chips and dip, Mike and Ike candy, peanut butter M&Ms, chili, and any Mexican food.

Day 8: Week one COMPLETE!

2010-01-14T20:17:00.001-05:00

Well, week one is officially OVER...hallelujah! I have so many thoughts about this week and the next 12 weeks to come. I blogged about my love-hate relationship with cardio and now I'm starting to feel like I have a love-hate relationship with this whole training program/diet/~~torture~~/competition.

I love to have something to works towards and I love the feeling when I'm finished with a good workout. I love that I am in control of making my body what I want it to be...kind of. I love that I'm learning to suck it up and push myself through things that I never thought I could, whether it's in the gym, dealing with food, or mental exhaustion.

I hate that this competition and whole workout/diet program doesn't lend itself to quick results. I'm the type of person that needs to see some little glimmer of improvement, some little sign that the effort I'm putting in is worth it. I hate that, as hard as I may try, this whole program is taking over a pretty major portion of my life...a big portion. Let me put it into food terms (I'm hungry, I can't help it). OK...envision a plate. The plate is my life (work, family, friends, workout program). Now picture a nice, juicy cheeseburger. The cheeseburger is work; it takes over about half of my overall life...a significant portion. Now think of those french fries that you get that spill over the edge of your plate. Those fries are this competition. Between the mental, physical, and dietary aspects of this competition I could easily say that this is all taking over more than half of my life and spilling into other things...like my milkshake. You know how you always get a thick, creamy milkshake (mint chocolate chip) with high hopes of drinking it all?! Somehow it never seems to get finished or get the attention it needs. This milkshake is my social life--family and friends. I want to go out to dinner and restaurants. I want to stay up and hang out with my roommates. I want to plan all kinds of evenings out with friends...but it just never seems to get done because my plate is overflowing and I'm full (the irony of this story is that right now I'm straight starvin' like Marvin, girrrrl...but you get the picture, right?).

All in all, the first week was...something :) I know I'm not going to give up, but I also know that I have to somehow learn to control my frustration and doubts that I have about the next 12 weeks. Those doubts hit me hard this morning when I gained another half a pound leaving me losing 1 lousy pound this week. I know, I know I'm gaining muscle, I've heard it all before. Between the lack of weight loss and the pictures I took this morning (GOO!) I'm not gonna lie, when I got to the gym this morning I was having some serious doubts about whether or not I was going to make it to the place (figure-wise) where I need to be in 12 weeks. I had doubts about whether the foods I was eating were right/enough/too much. I just realized that I was in way over my head and I better start treading water...FAST before my ass is at the bottom of the pool with a big ass dumbbell holding me down.

I know this post is kind of all over the place but the bottom line is that I'm glad I'm doing this but I'm also scared and wish I could fast forward just so I can make sure that progress will be made and the results I need will happen. One of my dear friends did help me put it all into perspective today by reminding me that this is my first ever competition and I may not get to the level that some of the other competitors are at...at least not for this competition. I will persevere. I will finish what I started. I will, hopefully, lose my remaining muffin top.

Without further adieu, here are my week 1 pictures. REMINDER: these were taken at 5:30am...I was VERY tired. My hair was not brushed. I am pale and ashy. Let's be real, I look straight busted. Ignore the face, focus on the muffin top and the blubber that won't be there for long. But for you, dear followers, I will show you anyways...don't judge too much :)

Day 7: Love-Hate Workout Relationships

2010-01-13T19:11:00.001-05:00

I gave you some of my preliminary thoughts on cardio a few days ago, but this morning, as I was doing my cardio workout, I had a few more thoughts. I realized that I have a complete love-hate relationship with cardio and all that it entails. Right now (you know, today...we'll discuss again soon), I am in complete L-O-V-E with cardio. I have gotten better at grabbing my water bottle without a tragic wrist accident. I've come to grips with the fact that my feet will inevitably fall asleep and I will feel as though I'm running on stumps of legs. I have even...wait for it...started enjoying watching my ponytail swish from side to side. It has become kind of like a metronome of sorts.

What I love about cardio, at the moment, is that it is my time. My time to zone out. My chance to listen to the music that I want. My chance to get lost in my stream of consciousness thoughts. Working with 2nd graders all day doesn't provide a lot of quliaty "me" time, so I have begun to cherish this quiet time to myself. You know, sometimes I think about my day ahead and the snot, tears, whining, hugging, shhhing, fighting, nose-picking (and eating it) and realize that, at times, I would rather stay glued to my cardio machine and never leave. I digress...the point is, there are few times in the day when I get any peace of mind. I love that recently, while on the treadmill or elliptical, I totally zone out and just...think. I can take time to think about this competition, which makes me push myself harder. I can take time to think about my relationships with people, which I'm hoping will make them better. I can take time to think about work, which makes me ~~want to hop off the cardio machine and hide~~ more prepared for the day. I especially like that my quiet cardio is in the morning. While it royally sucks to get up at 5:00am every day, it really is such a peaceful way to start the day.

Now, this is not to say that I would rather be doing 1, 343, 845 other things instead of cardio. In fact I think I just thought of 15 things in the past 10 seconds. This is also not to say that the cardio I do is incredibly hard and tiring (and verrry sweaty). But if I am going to be in the gym, attempting to rid myself of the rest of my muffin top, zoning out on a cardio machine is currently at the top of my "what I love about the gym" list. Since I have been loving cardio a little more than usual, I think I've been able to push myself a little harder while there.

I have been wanting to hop on a treadmill (which will have its own post one day soon) and run as my cardio but I have extreme fear of the treadmill (again, details to come later). Well, today some bitches and a dude were on all the ellipticals (OK, they only took up 4 but there are only 4 of the kind of ellipticals I like...Hi, my name is Rachel and I'm an elliptical snob). I decided today would be the day that I would try the treadmill and that's exactly what I did. I, surprisingly, found my rhythm running pretty easily. While I was gasping for air (air which was filled with the nasty, sweaty, moldy smell coming from the guy to my right), I zoned in on my swishing ponytail in the mirror that was 25 inches from my face and zoned out in my brain. I was able to run intervals for about 20 minutes and quickly hop off and jump on the elliptical for another 20 minutes. I found my rhythm on the elliptical pretty easy too, although I realized it's easier to run after doing the treadmill as opposed to before. By the end, my pony tail was swishing a little less because of all the sweat on the back of my neck and I felt like I was leaving the gym with a quiet, calm mind, ready to ~~call out sick from work~~ take on the day.

I'm not sure if I will forever love cardio...heck, I may hate it my Friday. I'll keep you posted! I'm not even sure if, in a way, I'm convincing myself that I love cardio because I know that I have to do SO much of it in the next 12 weeks. Right now I'm doing cardio 4 times a week (3 times just abs and cardio, 1 time I do cardio after lifting). Soon I will have to do even more cardio. So I'm trying to see the positives in cardio and how it is helping me mentally prepare for both this competition and just life in general. On Friday, I plan to turn up my Lady Gaga (is she a man?!) and zone out again so I can start my day off on the right foot (no pun intended...roll eyes).

Well, tomorrow officially marks 1 week completed and with that will come a picture...dun dun dun. I figured out how to upload a picture so I will leave you with a picture of me and Randy Couture. Maybe I'll just peruse his website while I eat my salad with veggies and chicken :)

Pounds lost: 1.5 (ruh roh...post on weight loss coming, too)
Food cravings of the moment: peanut butter, any dinner out with my friends where I can actually eat a meal.

Until next time!
xoxo

Day 6: Perseverance

2010-01-12T19:22:00.003-05:00

As many of you know, my favorite sport for the past 3-4 years has been UFC (ultimate fighting). I know, I know...don't judge. I just absolutely LOVE it. I can often be found watching old fights on Spike after work. I would choose UFC over Oprah any day! Today I came home from work (and a horrendous appointment with my ENT doc to check up post-op), immediately got into my elastic pants, and plopped down in my recliner to watch some UFC on my DVR (I'm watching it as I type this = happiness). Everybody always asks me why in the world I enjoy, let alone, watch big, sweaty, monkey-looking dudes beat the crap out of each other. My answer is always that I just can't believe that these guys are masters at boxing, wrestling, and a form of martial arts; that they dedicate every day to training just so they can go beat the crap out of someone; and that they absolutely love what they do-- there seems to be nothing that these fighters want to do other than fight. Now, it could be that they have all missed a step in evolution (they sure look like it) and are just idiots for putting themselves through this punishment. But I don't think so. I think that these fighters have more perseverance than many other athletes around. To go between 3 and 5 rounds with someone circling around an actual cage (in the shape of an octogan which I think is very creative), hunting you down, beating you up, choking you...and not give up for any reason...to me that is the definition of perseverance.

Now, don't be alarmed, I'm not becoming a cage fighter. Oh man, that would be cool though...maybe that should be my next goal! Anyways, thinking about the perseverance of these fighters made me think about myself training for this competition. No, I don't need vaseline on my face to prevent my skin from splitting open, but just like these fighters, I have to have the passion and desire to do whatever is necessary to be successful in this competition. I have to love what I am doing (even on the days when I want to bathe in a tub of mint chocolate chip ice cream instead of eating chicken and oatmeal). I have to have a true passion for what I'm working for. I have to make this my priority day in and day out. I cannot give up while I'm training for any reason (unless I vom, then I'm going home).

I know this all sounds kinda deep and I have not even been training for a week (holy hell, has it not even been a WEEK?!) but I realized today that I know that I have the perseverance to get through these 12/13 weeks. I know, that like these fighters I adore, I will have to push myself to all kinds of limits no matter how much pain I'm in, no matter how hungry I get, no matter how sick of working out I get. I will have to persevere to reach my goals. As cheesy as that sounds, it really is true. This workout program, diet, and competition are on my mind all of the time.

I often wonder if I need more mental perseverance than physical. I can push myself pretty hard in the gym (most of the time) and I can be disciplined with my food intake. But sometimes the mental part of all of it is the hardest part of it all. Just like these UFC fighters (arrrrrr, that's me rolling my tongue and loving them), I am training every single day, physically and mentally, just so I can "perform" for probably about 10 minutes total. But it's the love of what I'm doing, the love of the results, the love of having something to work towards, and the perseverance to push through when the love temporarily disappears.

I think I'm talking about perseverance tonight because I need to recharge myself and realize that I'm in this for 12 more long, tiring, exhausting, love-filled weeks and I have to persevere when I feel like I have lost the love because I know that I will love the end-results and the feelings that come with that. I love, almost as much as I love everything UFC, working towards a goal and reaching it. There is no better feeling. So, my faithful blog followers :), I will persevere if for no other reason than to keep you all entertained with my daily thoughts and stories.

It's 7:15pm, you remember what that means? Dinner, making food for tomorrow, and going to bed early! Thanks again for checking in! The support is amazing and will help me persevere! I have added a SUBSCRIBE button at the top, right corner of my blog. You can put your email in this box and then you will receive an email almost immediately. You will then have to verify your email and then you will start getting an email when I make a post. It seems as though there is a little bit of a delay from when I post to when people get the email saying that I've posted, but maybe it will get quicker? Just an option :)

Until next time!
xoxo
PS-- On Sunday, I met one of my crushes, UFC legend Randy Couture. Once I figure out how to post pictures I will post that one too :)

Day 5: Sleeping/Exhaustion

2010-01-11T19:19:00.002-05:00

This morning was an abs and cardio day. I got to the gym around 5:25/5:30, did abs until 5:45 and then did 40 minutes of cardio on the elliptical. I had less trouble breathing and getting to my water bottle without my arm being chopped off by the swinging elliptical arm. My feet did start to go numb around 30 or 35 minutes but it was OK because I was almost done. As I was on the elliptical, I tried to go to my happy place and think about being anywhere but on the elliptical staring at my swinging ponytail in the mirror (then a large man got on a machine in front of me so there went the swinging ponytail...). I couldn't get to my happy place (except when Michael Jackson came on my ipod...RIP) because all I could think about was how freakin' exhausted I was. When I woke up this morning to get ready for the gym I was so tired I almost fell back to sleep on the toilet (you know, after I squatted with major pain in my quads and hamstrings and plopped down). I digress...I just felt like I could NOT wake up. I had gone to bed at 9:00pm and got up at 5:10. I thought that would be plenty of sleep, but apparently I need more...of something.

This weekend, I took a nap on Saturday and a nap on Sunday. Greg had to wake me up both days so that I could go eat. On the elliptical today I started thinking about why I felt so tired, and a little nauseous. NO, I'm not pregnant (don't worry, Greg!) I'm just plain exhausted. I think the problem is triple-fold:

1. I have had my lovely, monthly, girly friend for the past week (see, there's no way I can be pregnant!)
2. I have been putting out way more energy than I am used to and burning a bunch of calories before the day really even starts. Once I refill with a protein shake and breakfast, I'm usually fine but I have been feeling like a 6pm bedtime doesn't sound too bad!
3. Lastly, I'm starting to wonder if either I'm not getting enough of some kind of nutrient or if my body is just getting used to this new regimen. This morning, I started thinking I was nauseous because I didn't have enough food in my system (I don't eat anything before I do cardio; I have a protein shake and part of a banana before I lift weights). I don't know if I'm not eating enough dinner or if I'm not eating enough of something during the day that I should be. All I know is that I need to figure out something better than what is happening now because I am extremely tired and feeling like I am going to VOM all over the elliptical in the first 15 minutes is not a pleasant feeling...although if I do vom at least I could leave the gym early...good excuse to come home early and call out sick from work, right? ;)

So my sleep/exhaustion plan right now is to sleep AMAP (as much as possible). Tonight I'm going to get in bed by 8:00pm and see if I can get a little bit more sleep tonight than usual. I'm also going to talk to Greg (you know, my live-in trainer and nutrionist) and see what he thinks about my current diet and see if there is anything I'm missing. Lastly, I'm just going to SUCK IT UP! This program and competition is not for wusses (like the Dallas Cowboys QB, wittle baby Womo who hurt his wittle pinky finger)...and if being tired is part of the deal, well, then I'll just have to deal with it. I'm not sure that there's a way to do this program, diet, work a full-time job, tutor, and not be tired...

Wow, I just used a LOT of parentheses (sorry, my bad). Alright, I gotta get my food ready for tomorrow so I can be in bed in 45 minutes. Lifting arms with Greg bright and early tomorrow morning! Just a few more days until pictures (I'm having anxiety about this)!

Pounds lost: 2 (gained 1 back, I think from not working out yesterday and from eating salmon for din)
Current food cravings: peanut butter and jelly, Melting Pot fondue, and gluten-free snacks

Until next time!
xoxo

Day 3 and 4: Soreness and food (or lack thereof)

2010-01-10T20:37:00.000-05:00

First, thanks to everyone who has read this and sent me a message or note encouraging me! It's so nice to have a support system during all of this.

Today was my first complete rest day that I've had since I started. Can I get a, "THANK GOODNESS?!" My body needed this rest like Tiger Woods' wife needs an STD test (too soon?). I woke up at 8:30am so I could get my first meal in and get the day started. My body was so sore that sitting down on the toilet was a major challenge, which I will add, I have to do VERY often because I have been consuming about a gallon of water a day. The soreness is always worse after I've been sitting for a while. At one point today, I had been sitting down for about 20 minutes and attempted to get up and "walk" and felt as though I was a man who has just gotten hit in a very sensitive spot. Waddling is probably a better definition of what I've been doing today, not walking. The only part I haven't lifted yet is my arms (biceps and triceps) and that is, literally, the only part of my body that is not sore. I know it will get better as I lift more and, honestly, I kind of like the soreness...not the pain part of it, but the fact that I know I got a good workout and that my muscles are being built up. Hopefully the soreness will die down in the next few weeks.

Food has been on my mind, almost as much as my soreness. The diet portion of all of this hasn't been as bad as I had expected. Don't get me wrong...it's not what I would...fun. However, there are some good choices that I can make that make all of this more bearable. The carbs that I can eat are brown rice (1/4 cup per serving), oatmeal (1/2 cup per serving), and gluten free bread/roll from Trader Joe's (1/2 a roll at a time). The lean proteins I eat are chicken (only spiced), salmon (infrequently), and lean, ground turkey. I have about 3 ounces of each. I also have 3 servings of fruit a day (1 ounce of blueberries, 1 ounce of strawberries, 1/4 of an orange, and 1/4 of an apple) and a few salads. Since I'm eating every 3 hours, there isn't too much time to get hungry. It's a decent amount of food, it just gets a little monotonous. What I've realized doing this diet is that I think we often eat way more than we actually need to and I think restaurants are guilty of serving us way more food than we actually need. I've found that portioning everything out on a food scale, while annoying and time consuming, I get the amount of food I need and nothing more. It's so much easier to just grab a bag of chips or pour some pasta in a pot (gluten free of course!), but when you start looking at the serving sizes and portioning out what you really need for that meal, you realize that you don't need nearly as much food as you think you do...especially if you are eating every 3 hours like all fitness gurus recommend.

Over the weekend I went out to brunches/lunches where I sat and sipped water with lemon while my friends ate delicious meals. But I'm trying to keep my goal of still going out and being social even though I'm attempting this competition. It was definitely a challenge but thankfully I have very supportive friends who understand and help me get through :) I've gotten much quicker at making my meals both at home and for work, so that's a plus. The only food complaint I have (other than the fact that I can't eat french fries, mint chocolate chip ice cream, and milk shakes) is that this diet is high fiber with many, many vegetables involved. Let's just say that this results in...um...some...gasiness (insert embarassed face). Hey, I blame it on the diet. Just be warned if you're around me...I'm letting you know up front :) Safety! I think my digestive system is still trying to figure out why it's seeing so much lettuce and healthy food instead of pizza, baked lays, and ice cream.

Anyways, time for me to go to bed. I have to do abs and cardio at 5:15am. Hopefully the elliptical will go a little better this time and my arm won't be chopped off by the swinging arm as I try to get water! I'll keep you posted on that one. Oh, I got a new camera! So I'm planning on posting pics starting Thursday (that will be 1 week completed) and then I'll post a pic each Thursday so we can all compare. I'll also post some pics of what fitness figure competitors looks like.......you'll see why I'm scared that I won't reach my goal.

Pounds lost: 3
Food cravings of the moment: milkshake, ice cream, french fries, and mexican food

Until next time!
xoxo

Day 2: Thoughts on Cardio

2010-01-08T20:08:00.001-05:00

I've done my fair share of cardio over the years. What is always the most difficult thing for me is getting back on a cardio machine after taking a break from the gym for awhile. I hadn't been on a cardio machine in about 3 weeks (because of snow and my sinus surgery). I hadn't lifted weights during that time either, but for some reason it's always easier for me to get back to lifting than it is to get on a cardio machine.

Greg told me to get on the elliptical, instead of the treadmill, because I lifted calves yesterday. Because he is my trainer, and in incredible shape, I listened. I had wanted to run on the treadmill since I think that is the most effective form of cardio-- more calories burned and better results in less time. But...I figured for once in my life I would listen and get on the elliptical. I started out feeling OK but after about...um....THREE minutes I felt like I was having a heart attack. OK...I exaggerated again...but I did get that feeling in my chest that you get when you run outside in the cold. I couldn't believe it! Three weeks I'm out of the gym and I feel like a 90-year old emphysema patient. I took my resistance down a level and forced myself to continue. I was supposed to do 45 minutes of cardio so I figured if I was having trouble after 3 minutes, I was gonna have a few issues.

There was a TV in front of my elliptical so I got sucked into some news program about some chick who had sulfuric acid thrown in her face by a hired hitman...hired by her boyfriend. Yikes, I hope he wasn't her trainer too...Anyhoo, that program distracted me for a good 4 minutes, so that helped me forget about my burning chest. As I continued I started thinking about the elliptical a little more...here are my issues with the elliptical, although I love it more than any other piece of cardio equipment:
1) the TVs are so high that you either have to look up the entire time OR stare at your sweaty, nasty face in the mirror straight ahead as your pony tail swishes back and forth...haven't figured out which is better.
2) I don't know if it's the way I move my legs on the elliptical but my feet ALWAYS go numb...anyone? Bueller? Without fail, every time I get on there, at some point my freakin' feet go numb. I feel like my feet have literally turned into nubs.
3) I don't hold on to the arm handles on the elliptical, I just move my arms myself (same motion as when I run). This is usually not a problem EXCEPT when I need to get a swig of water. It's like playing f'ing Frogger so my hand doesn't get chopped off by the wild, swinging arm handle. I have to time it just right to grab my bottle and get it out of harm's way...then I have to attempt drinking it while not holding on (while the wild arm is still swinging away)...then I have to play Frogger one more time in order to get it back in the cup holder...sheesh!

I made it for 40 minutes today on the elliptical and ended up: extremely sweaty, had watched my reflection and pony tail swish for way too long, had two numb feet, and no more water. But...I felt a great sense of accomplishment. I stumbled out of the gym and home to shower for work (thankfully we had a 2-hour delay which was awesome). Greg told me to stretch in the shower but I was a) in too much of a rush and b) felt as though I was in a prison shower when I held onto my ankles to stretch my hamstrings (you get the picture).

Tomorrow is another lifting day, bright and early on a Saturday! Going to hang out with some friends tonight but not go out to a bar (trying to balance, trying to balance...). Guess I should go stretch since the whole shower stretch didn't work out so well :)

Thanks for all the nice notes and messages about my blog; hopefully you all will continue to stop by :)
Pounds lost: 1
Foods I'm already craving: Snack Pack Pudding, peanut butter, and gluten free pizza.

Until next time! xoxo

Day 1: What did I get myself into?

2010-01-07T19:12:00.000-05:00

In theory, training and completing my first ever figure fitness competition sounded reaaaal awesome. When the alarm went off this morning at 5:20am for my first training session of my 12 week program, all I could think was: "what the *bleep* did I get myself into?" But...I had told many people, including my ever-growing muffin top, that I was starting this journey on Thursday morning so I had to back up all of my talking, tuck my muffin top into my workout pants, and actually get started.

I'm not really sure why I chose to do this competition, other than the fact that Greg (my bf) just completed his first bodybuilding competition in November. When I was watching his competition and saw some of the scary characters/competitors (men and women included), I wanted to run away and burn those freaky, overly-tanned, 5% body fat "people" from my brain. OK, I guess that's a little judgmental but it was kind of like stepping into a new underground world of overly muscular and waaaaay overly tanned people. As I watched these people strut around in their posing suits, wondering what nationality they all were because their skin was so damn tanned, I began a love-hate relationship with this "sport." On the one hand, I thought these people were absolutely NUTS. They had dedicated every hour of every day for the past 12+ weeks to working out, eating perfectly, taking supplements, not drinking alcohol, drinking more water than a camel, and sacrificing day-to-day things for this competition. I thought to myself, while eating a pack of peanut M&Ms, "why would anyone do this?" Another part of me looked at these people, specifically the women, and thought, "Damn! Get it girl!" I mean they looked phenomenal (minus the freakish tan)! You could tell that these women were healthy, strong women who had worked their butts off (literally), and in a weird way I was jealous that I didn't have that body. Well, the holidays hit and muscles, dieting, and working out were quickly replaced by homemade, delicious, gluten-free treats and waaaaay too much alcohol.

After eating 4 pieces of gluten-free pizza while one hand rested on my muffin top hanging over my elastic workout pants (which were not being worked out in at all), I decided I needed a change...I needed something to work towards that was going to get me motivated to get to the gym, eat right, and be proud of my body. I always do better when I have some kind of goal to work towards and since this was fresh on my mind from Greg's competition, I decided to give it a whirl...and here I am at the end of Day numbero uno.
The gym wasn't too bad this morning. It actually felt really good to be back in the gym and in my routine. I've always worked out, just not consistently and often with some prodding from said bodybuilding competitor. I think today, overall, went pretty well. It consisted of protein shakes, a lot of oatmeal, and a lot of lean protein (chicken and lean turkey burger).

My 2 biggest issues right now with all of this are: 1) preparing food for the next day takes forrrreeeevvver! Last night it took me almost 1 full hour to get all the meals portioned out and packed up for the next day. Greg says it will get faster. I told him he should just do it for me. 2) it is no secret I like to go out with my friends and throw back a ~~few~~ bunch of drinks. I love to socialize, dance, hang out, just be out with fun people. So the no alcohol thing was a real dagger. I think the detox period will be good for everyone ;) but one goal I have made for this journey is that I refuse to give up my social life. I will still go out...maybe not as late and definitely as the Designated Driver....but I WILL NOT let this competition over take my life. There has to be a balance that can be made.

All in all, what I got myself into was one of the biggest challenges I've undertaken since...potty training? Learning to ride a 2-wheeler? Passing AP exams? It will be a tough 12 weeks, but I'm glad I started on this journey because, hopefully, the results will be sweet! I've gotten myself in pretty deep but I've gotten myself into something that will change my life for the better.

OK...I think that's enough about Day 1 and what led me to here. I'm still working on the blog layout so bear with me. I wanted to post a Day 1 pic but I dropped and broke my camera New Year's Eve (pre-festivities) so pics will be coming soon (don't judge).
It's now 7:00pm, which means if I start now maaaaybe my food will be portioned and packed away by midnight......OK I exaggerate...but it is almost time for dinner and bed...early abs and cardio workout tomorrow!

More tomorrow! xoxo